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• (1 vote) my father just got laid off, my brother is depressed and just tried to kill himself (because he thinks my mother and i gang up on him, maybe we do?
  

  You have several problems going on at once - that is very difficult, so the easiest way to deal with it is to address each separately. And by that I mean - try to find solutions to each problem independently and takes those steps to solve each problem.
  
  For example, when it comes to your father - realize that what your father needs right now is support. If you offer him only support (and not criticism, etc.), neither he or your brother will feel like there is any ganging up on anyone. It sounds like your family needs to stick together to get through hard times because of the way the extended family treats you - so supporting your dad may help the situation. Also you should realize that it’s not your fault - hard times produce difficult situations - the way your brother deals with it is understandable, but by no means your fault.
  
  As far as your grades - I would suggest trying to keep school separate from all of your other family issues, because in the end your grades in school affect your personally. If your grades are dropping - try to find a way to focus on school - maybe you could go to a library or somewhere quiet to try to get your grades back up. But also don’t put too much pressure on yourself - hard times come and go, and at some point the bad economy and other issues will pass and there will be plenty of jobs. It may take some time, but just know that at some point it will get better - it always does.
  
  As far as your cousins and aunts treating you like an outcast I would suggest finding other ways to develop a support system. Maybe you have friends that you can rely on and talk to about problems. And when things get better, maybe your family will come around. You say these are people you love, but it’s hard to love someone who treats you like an outcast - you may find that your friends will be much more accepting and supportive of you.
  
  As far as the boyfriend issue - I wouldn’t worry about that - you’ll most certainly have more than one boyfriend in your life and another boyfriend will come at some point. As far as being inexperienced (I assume you mean with physical things) - I wouldn’t worry about that either - everyone is inexperienced at some point in their lives and the only way to solve that is to have other experiences which will come. You shouldn’t feel ashamed of that - EVERYONE has felt what means to be inexperienced and to wish they could be more experienced.
  
  So try to take each problem separately and take steps to address each of them. You’ll see that at some point things will turn around - maybe not for all problems at once, but they will each improve at some point.
  
  I hope that helps.
  
  - written 10 months ago – voted for by Jules22871

• (1 vote) I am at a loss
  

  It’s all good.
  
  As far as testing - try one of those online IQ tests - they don’t require much reading - and don’t take too long. Just type in “free iq test” to google…
  
  But beyond that - maybe you need an incentive. Often times people can’t see forward enough through something to realize the potential benefits. For example, mabye you tried photography, but part way through you didn’t realize a benefit so you gave it up.
  
  Maybe try to find something that you can perceive a benefit and try to make that benefit happen.
  
  Also - maybe you should ask the question - is there anything wrong with starting and stopping things? There is no right answer to life - for all we know - you may be leading the right type of life - trying so many new things!
  
  But the fact that you say that you are embaressed about this issue makes me think that maybe you’re worried about failure. Meaning - maybe you stop something just as quickly as you began because you’re afraid of failing at whatever it is you do. That’s a difficult one to overcome, but what I would suggest is lowering your expectations for “success” - in whatever that means to you. For example, with drawing - if you’re unhappy with how realistic something looks - then lower your expectation to attempt to only do abstract drawings and see if you feel better about it.
  
  Remember - expectations are 100% the root of all disappointment!
  
  - written 10 months ago – voted for by Aurora

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• I could be classified as a good-girl.
  

  I can tell you’re a good person because you care so much about being good. The average person in this world doesn’t even know they are doing wrong, let alone worried about how good they are and worrying about the sadness of so many others.
  
  You are beyond your age in intelligence as well - you are touching on some philosophical concepts that even the most intelligent philosophers don’t have a concrete answer for - existence.
  
  Anyway, I have to admit that I have changed in my religious views over the years. I didn’t want to necessarily influence your faith because your relationship with god seems to bring you happiness. But I will tell you how I changed…I used to be incredibly religious - especially at a young age because like you said when you’re younger you just believe what you’re told. Then around age 13-15 I started to question things for myself and began to think of “god” differently. I stopped thinking of god as someone who is always watching me and judging every move (good or bad) and started to view god as the world around me in general that doesn’t necessarily have a judgement attached to it. I now view my own goodness based on how I interact with the environment as a whole and if I know I’m a good person then my judgement stops there.
  
  With that said, I don’t necessarily think you should abandon your relationship with god if it makes you happy, but just realize that some of your frustration and unhappiness have to do with the conflicts that you have in your head about what god is and what god expects from you. And honestly, no one knows the answer to what or who god is - that’s something each person decides for themself. But what I learned for myself was that I couldn’t imagine god would want me to be so unhappy because I wasn’t “good” enough and that living a life of sadness because I felt bad about who I was simply not what god intended. When I let go of all the personal judgement because I thought that god was also judging me - that’s when my happiness began. I didn’t stop being any less good than I was before, but I stopped judging myself for every little thing. And if there’s something in particular in your life that conflicts with what you think god wants - then that’s something you just need to work through on a case by case basis.
  
  As far as whether you should be responsible for the happiness of others - growing up will certainly help that, but what I mean is that sometimes you cannot make others happy. Everyone goes through hard times and difficult problems in their lives and sometimes they have problems that only they can solve for themselves. For example, it sounds like your mom has sadness related to the death of some of your family members from a few years ago - that’s something she needs to deal with herself (just like you need to deal with it in your own way as well) - I mean it’s definitely nice for you to be there for her, etc., but you can’t just take her pain and loneliness away just by not going on your exchange program. It may help for you to be there with her instead of going, but in my opinion it’s not your responsibility to do that, and likely when the exchange program is over she’s still going to have pain and sadness from the loss of the family members.
  
  As far as why we were created, well I personally don’t see god as someone who is looking to be adored and loved. I have changed over the years as to how I see god and what it means in the end. I personally believe that whether or not there is an afterlife I don’t believe that there is any judgement - but that’s definitely just my opinion. I simply live this life now as best I can because living a life full of goodness tends to bring me happiness.
  
  I am much older (35) and have studied the sciences very intensely over the years and when I started to understand how vast the universe is from a realistic (scientific) perspective, and how small we are as humans, I started to realize that we are not so important and I started to realize that goodness takes on a whole different meaning in that context.
  
  I have a lot to say about the science side of things and the spiritual side of things - if you’re interested - we can talk more about it. It might help you “find your way before following his way”…Regardless, like you said you have to figure out how you fit into this life first because if you’re not happy it’s hard to understand what god wants…
  
  One final question I would have for you is - what is your support system for your religion - I mean - are your parents religious, do you go to church (or temple?), can you talk to a priest or whoever? I only ask because it may help you to talk to people that you know and trust about this subject of religion - it will make you feel less alone in your struggle to understand god and your relationship with god.
  
  I hope you can find the happiness you’re looking for!
  - written 9 months, 2 weeks ago

• I could be classified as a good-girl.
  

  It sounds like you just needed to talk it out a bit. You should remember that everyone is sad for their own reasons and it’s not your fault that others may be sad and you cannot blame that on yourself. The fact that your mother is sad because everyone is leaving her is not your fault - it’s nice that you care about her feelings, but if that makes you feel bad as well then it’s not helping anyone.
  
  The best thing you can do is forget about the sadness that others have for now and concentrate on making yourself feel at least content, if not happy, then you will be in a better place to help others with their feelings. Like you said - you are very young - and it’s not necessarily your responsibility to make others happy. It’s nice that you care, but if you aren’t happy yourself first, it will be difficult to make others happy.
  
  On a separate note, it sounds like you are very religious, and while I know that different people have different levels of faith and belief in their religion, one thing that you have to realize is that our interations and relationships with god always have a lot to do with what is in our own minds. It’s not like god is there in person telling you what to do and how to feel. And because of this you have to remember that any “fight” you have with god or any conflict with god is stemming from thoughts in your own mind. So because of that you should always remember that, if you know that you are a good person, you shouldn’t second guess yourself as to what god should do for you or what god may think of you.
  
  You are a good person for caring about others, but do your best to not let others get you down or make you feel bad about yourself, because you deserve to be happy! I can tell - you are a great person!
  
  I hope that helps.
  - written 9 months, 2 weeks ago

• I could be classified as a good-girl.
  

  I totally get what you mean - I went through that myself when I was about 15 years old. Tricky asks a good question - if you don’t mind saying how old you are that might help us.
  
  Otherwise, in order to feel better I think you have to identify what the reason is that you have conflict with god. Is it related to a certain topic - i.e. love, relationships, doing right or wrong, etc. Once we can figure that out it will be easier to solve the sadness problem.
  
  The reason that conflicts with god cause sadness is because there is something that you disagree on. And if you can figure out what that point is that you disagree on it will be easier to feel better.
  
  Can you tell me what things you are struggling with right now whether they are related to god or not?
  - written 9 months, 2 weeks ago

• I could be classified as a good-girl.
  

  What’s your question - are you writing because you’re sad or are you wondering if you should turn to god? Or are you just wondering how to feel better in general? Let me know…
  - written 9 months, 2 weeks ago

• Why do guys ignore girls they like?
  

  He may feel ashamed that he never pursued the relationship further and turned it into more than a friendship. On the other hand it’s possible that he’s begun a relationship with someone else.
  
  But either way if you are looking for closure or some kind of answer for it, the best way to deal with it is to address the problem with honesty. I would suggest writing an e-mail to him telling him not only how you feel now, but that you also wished (now and before) that you wish that you could be more than friends. Sometimes if a guy is too insecure about what you think of him (despite the fact that you may drop what seem like obvious hints) he may never feel confident enough to take the relationship to the next level and in the meantime may end up with someone else. Either way I think you should be direct about it so he knows how you feel. And if he is not interested anymore for some reason you will at least have closure.
  
  I hope that helps.
  - written 10 months ago

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