SN Auricular's reply history at Help.com

I can’t say anything helpful here, I can only tell you you are not alone in feeling this. Me and my closest friend have felt this way for years. We struggle to accept the reality of how horrible all this is sometimes and yet we know it to be typical. I hope something bright happens in your life to lighten your view, as I hope (hopelessly!) for my own some day.

I hid all my self harming from all but closest friends. I listened over years as other people gave their opinions when it came up in general. Obviously, they would never have said much honestly around me if they had known I had done it. I remember hearing them speak about how it is stupid and they couldn’t understand it. It is just a nutter who would do it or someone looking for attention. I remembered then back to before I was a cutter and I guess I didn’t understand it either, though I never quite held their opinions on it as attention-seeking or lunacy. I find it something that happens simply when we can’t deal with our lives in another way. At least it is how it was for me. I no longer cut but still view it the same way and now I challenge any opinion I hear which seems quite ignorant. Especially because there might be another person listening who is in the same situation I was in when I did it and heard people speak of it. I don’t want them to feel even lower as I did on hearing harsh words. In another way - it kept me in touch with reality of it because it was easy to be so consumed by it that I had to be reminded about how this is not a part of everyones lives - this was not the best way to deal with problems and therefor not the only one. You should try to get help in stopping it.

No psychiatrist or anything. My doc offered me therapy but I said no. This was before the prozac, when people made me nervous.

fcell04, I guess you’re right. I want an easy way to get out of it and thought the prozac would have done it, but 6 months into treatment and I’m depressed as ever I reckon.

Well, thank you for the advice. I should have an appointment soon, and will tell my doctor I’m reconsidering therapy.

I guess I wanted to know if anybody thought it sounded like my uncle’s schizophrenia had passed down the line. My mum is always comparing me to him.

Therapy might just be the best solution, thanks.

x

Anita Blake Vampire Hunter Series by Laurell K Hamilton

I used to have the same problem - the cover up. You know..this problem lasted years later in jobs too. I had learnt to cut my legs instead. This was easier to hide. But my point to you isn’t to give you the lecture you don’t want to hear - I just wanna share with you that years on, I still have those scars and I’m still sensitive about showing my arms. If you think of yourself as having a future (as I WISH I had), imagine please how you would feel having to deal with your cover-up problem in some years time. Say in a job. I wish someone had painted this picture to me vividly enough. The arm band thing may help for P.E (although my friend at the time employed this technique and people guessed it of her in gossip) - but a future situation may not allow for you to cover it with one of those. Please listen to thehated99999 - because it can be true that it becomes more frequent if it is easier to hide.

I felt the same at your age and beyond. I was lucky to find people with similar interests to myself. Why not try find out if you are compatible with someone in a group at highschool (I dunno, like musc or drama or anything you like). If you have something in common with people, then there is normally a starting bond that can be built upon. It takes a lot of effort sometimes and often won’t feel worth it - but you have to put yourself out there if you really feel like finding even that one person to be close to - they can’t find you either if you’re at home away from everyone. Believe me, it is worth the effort when you connect with someone. I’m no social bunny, but I have my best friend and I feel blessed to have her. I had to make that little effort at the beginning to find her. I tried to be more open to people too and have found myself getting used to others and find it easier to be around them if I am more accepting of them and try not to let little things they do bother me. I still need my alone time but it is about balance. Good luck x