lucy_h's reply history at Help.com

Ughh I know how that is :( Unfortunately I don’t have any good advice for you, only to let you know to keep fighting. Listen to encouraging songs, not songs that feed your unhappiness. Try “No Giving Up” by Crossfade (even if you don’t like the sound of it, the lyrics are very good).

Keep fighting. It’s worth it in the end, I think.

Don’t force yourself until you’re ready. You might hurt another really nice, lovable girl and that could ruin her, if you don’t really love her and kind of (even unintentionally) mess with her.

Time will help.

I’m not a great expert on love, honestly. I’m young, but I take love pretty seriously. In your case, you were lucky to have had her at all. You know that line, better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?

Well, I disagree with that line lol, but maybe you should try and just think of the good times. But don’t think of the good times too much. I know it hurts, trust me I do, but go out and do other things. NO, do NOT date until you actually WANT to date a girl. Do things like…I don’t know, working out, taking classes, doing some volunteering just because you want to? Focus on anything but girls. Let the wound heal. You may never be the same again. I wasn’t, after I met that guy…you know, your beginning description of this girl reminded me a lot of my situation. Only what tortures me still is that I can never know what he felt, because he never said a word. I would like to imagine it was all in his eyes, he didn’t even need to say anything, but he gave no hint other than the way he looked at me and talked to me. I only met him two times after that and I doubt I’ll ever see him again, which makes it worse.

But as I said. Get involved with your community, or just focus on something that interests you–like science or history or math. And work out. A lot. Exercising physically is good for you, as well as mentally. Don’t focus too much on girls for a while.

Best of luck!

It’s never too late.

That’s kind of out of your hands. First, try asking him WHY he doesn’t trust anyone. And if he doesn’t answer cause he “doesn’t trust you,” I’d probably get medical help…when it really interferes with people and their relationships then it’s a big problem.

Or, you could let him grow up?

:(
cheer up, Eddieee!
By the way, I’m still around, just I haven’t been on lately cause I’m sooo busy…but feel free to give me a shout anytime!

Still around, just haven’t been on lately (: life is crazy.

[quote littlenick]I hope it helps you in some way.[/quote]

Yeah. I’m just busy wallowing a little more like a spoiled child and then I’ll get over myself like I always do…
You have past your depression phase now, I hope?

Thank you. That was a good read, and very well-articulated. It’s nice to know there are people who understand :P

[quote littlenick]Yes. Would you like to read it?[/quote]

Sure. Link?

Thanks (:

And Nick, no I haven’t…have you posted it in the past?

[quote littlenick]Don’t go back to Self destructive behavior. That should never be an option. When you feel like doing that again, talk to somebody. Don’t keep quiet. Even if you come here and ask us for help, come here. Somebody will always be here to talk to you.[/quote]

Nah. I wouldn’t. Mostly because someone would see the scars and I hate negative attention. At the same time, I wish someone would look at me one day at school, right in the eye, and tell me to stop faking. Oh blah. Tomorrow I’ll laugh away the day like there’s nothing else in my life, and as long as I appear to be okay nothing else will matter. Appearances, in this artificial life, are the only thing.

[quote Anonymous]Thank you for your reply Lucy. I read your post and i felt for you so much. And this is the selfish thing - i feel the same!

I am 50 and have recently been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder after suffering many of the feelings you expressed for most of my life. Maybe you could look it up on the internet? Many of the articles say it is ‘incurable’ but it isn’t. At the very least you will be able to improve and manage the condition (if this is what you have).

Most important you need to talk to somebody - a doctor who may be able to refer you on. i know this can be frightening and maybe taking a written account of how you feel would be a good idea (especially as you express yourself so well)

Please take my advice and see somebody soon - i wish i had started to manage my feelings when i was 16 and not now at 50

Let me know how you get on. x x x[/quote]

Nahh, no doctors for me. I would take your advice but, as I said, any sign of human weakness, mostly in me, disgusts me beyond reason. Trying to get help would make me feel really really weak. I also don’t believe they can help me, because only you can help yourself. I am pretty independent, as you might be able to tell :P

But I hope you feel better. Some people have legit problems. I don’t think I do. I am just a messed up teenager, and I’ll grow up soon.

[quote littlenick]Make sure you try to keep most of your time busy. With school, you will probably have not problem doing that. I have a cousin who is busy almost 18 hours a day and she has no time to worry about anything else but school. She’s a valedectiorian just like you. The key is to try to avoid idle time and keep busy. Do that.[/quote]

Yeah I am. Haha there are no worries there…

[quote littlenick]Don’t think about negative crap. Would you like to see the webstite about positive affirmations that helped me immensely when I went through my depression?[/quote]

I don’t. I really don’t, honest. As I said several times, I have a good strong mind. But sometimes doubts work their way under my skin and…at this point I’m just so tired of everything that I’ve lost track of what’s really getting to me. There’s just so much.

And sure (: post it up!

[quote littlenick]Makes sense. How are you doing in school?[/quote]

Well I just started, but last year I got a 4.0. I worked like crazy. It’s only the second week in school now though, so I can’t tell…I’ll probably work hard as usual.

[quote littlenick]Well, I’m sure you’ve heard this before but I’m going to tell you anyway. Your life is just beginning. All you have to do is put it in some kind of order and try to organize it the best you can.[/quote]

Yeah, I know. But I don’t want to feel so depressed all the time. The only times when I’m not feeling depressed is when I’m numbed over after a breakdown. I don’t know what I want exactly to help that, I just worry that I’m destroying myself by the hatred I feel towards that part of me that is unhappy. I can barely accept that part of me, I’ve worked on developing all my good characteristics but I hate myself when I fall apart. It’s like there’s this evil side of me that is disgusted at any sign of human weakness, mostly in myself but in others, too. Make any sense?