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• So in the words of Sigmund Freud…sorta: posted (2 months, 2 weeks) ago
  Tell me about your mother. I’m 32, and a new mom. My son is 6 months old, healthy and mostl…

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roenmcgloan's Top (5) Replies by other users' votes

• (2 votes) Um..
  

  Ok, so, Cipralex is also (I think) Lexapro, which is both anti-depression and anti-anxiety. If it worked really well for you (and yay for that!:) you probably have an anxiety disorder as a component of your depression, or possibly vice versa. Sometimes when you can’t slow your mind down, your brain will try to organize itself around some overwhelming principle like feeling sad just to get some kind of grip on the situation.
  
  I realize that if you’re in denial about the possibility of your depression and anxiety returning, you’re either not eager to go back to medication and/or therapy, or you think that having a depressive condition is somehow a failure on your part.
  
  It’s not. It’s really really really really really not. I don’t know how else to say it. And since you did well off your meds for a while after taking them, chances are you can get back on them, get functional, and get back off to similar effect this time. But I’d seriously think about giving up drugs and alcohol for good. I’m not a puritan by any means, but if it don’t play nice with your personal chemistry, it’s probably better to skip it.
  
  - written 2 months, 3 weeks ago – voted for by atr♥phy, Morally Ambiguous JD

• (1 vote) me and my friend are having problems because we think
  

  It’s not real surprising that you have issues. Modern culture is kind of designed to make people have issues.
  
  There’s all kinds of things I could warn you off of to try and get your head cleared out of toxic messages…don’t read magazines like “Cosmo” where every picture is designed to convince you that the slenderest 1% of the population is actually the average. Don’t watch shows like “Gossip Girl” where the girls have legs that are as skinny as arms. Don’t hang out with people who don’t ahve anything to talk about except weight and dieting and celebrities…those people never get any more interesting, and they’re not worth your time.
  
  Don’t obsess about needing to date…dating is a lot less fun than it sounds at your age. If you really really feel like you want a boyfriend right now, that impulse is either about wanting validation or wanting affection, neither of which are really available in the middle-school dating “scene”. Work on getting validation from your relationship with your family and friends…SO much less drama.
  
  Focus on doing things that make you happy that you have a body…go for walks, play a sport, cook your favorite foods and enjoy them slowly. Join a club about something you enjoy…get out in the real world and hang out with people who have real bodies. You’ll start feeling more real yourself, plus you’ll make friends.:)
  
  Focus on learning everything you can about nutrition and good health. People that diet obsessively aren’t beautiful. I was bulemic for seven years. I know of what I speak.:) Crazy dieting doesn’t make you thin. It makes you hungry, neurotic, tired, pale, flabby, hormonally unbalanced, and generally wasted. You’re still growing. Your body needs a variety of nutrients and exercise, not stress and famine.
  
  The really beautiful and popular people, as you get older, will be the ones that have interests and hobbies and cultivate skills and take care of themselves and aren’t always obsessing about their own looks and problems but who are living their lives and take an interest in other people. Cultivate an immunity to the shallow cruelties of others rather than trying to placate every jerk that wants to make themselves feel bigger by making the people around them feel like crap. It’ll serve you well everywhere you go. People look up to people who make up their own minds about things and aren’t freaked out by fads or hair days.
  
  THe whole world is not the same as what you see on television. It’s a lot more interesting and complex. Don’t limit yourself to what you see in that little box. THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!!:)
  
  - written 2 months, 2 weeks ago – voted for by Cell

• (1 vote) I think i’m going to have to dump my girlfriend of 6 months.
  

  When you’re talking about yourself you say “I don’t think 100% honesty exists”. When you’re talking about her, you say “Is there ever a justification for lies?”
  
  When you design communications with someone where there is a right answer they have to give for things to be ok but you don’t let them know they are being tested, that is a trap. If it weren’t a trap, there would be more than one acceptable way out. You’re being a hypocrite. You are being dishonest. YOU need to stop being dishonest and admit what you did.
  
  - written 2 months, 2 weeks ago – voted for by ~willard~

• (1 vote) Help me please!
  

  This stuff happens. You’re not the first and you won’t be the last. And it’s ok. So, you know, deep breath. You will get through this.
  
  First of all, you shouldn’t be ashamed that you did something fun and impulsive. It’s not like you had unprotected sex, and I’m hoping you didn’t drive or anything. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m guessing most of your anxiety about this is feeling like people will make fun of you. But what if they do? There’s nothing wrong with wanting to have a fling with sonmeone and telling them so.
  
  Here’s your best defense: anyone that is going to tease you for what happened with this guy is being an immature ninny, and should be treated accordingly. Practice on the voices in your head…when they say “OMG, you did WHAT!?” practice being cool and responding with “I made out with a guy and flirted with him. So what? What are you, in elementary school?” Just be cool about it and it will blow over. Don’t feel like you have to justify yourself to anyone else…that’s how people pressure you into being someone you’re not. People tease you and try to control you because THEY are insecure. Remember that, and reflect it back on them, and you’ll be invincible.
  
  Repeat after me: There’s nothing wrong with enjoying having a body…it does not make me dirty or stupid or less worthy…when I am eighty, I will regret the things I didn’t do a lot more than the things that I did…if I do what makes me happy and don’t hurt anyone else, no one else has any right to give me any grief about it.
  
  - written 2 months, 2 weeks ago – voted for by partlythere

• (1 vote) School begins tomorow, and i don’t know if i’ll be able to hold up.
  

  Sometimes that numbness is a good thing. Sometimes when things get really broken, hearts included, you just need to keep them immobilized for a while to let some very fundamental healing happen before you try poking at it.
  
  If you don’t feel like talking about it, then the best advice I can offer is just go easy on yourself, and be frank with your environment. If you’re not coping, don’t just ditch school. Tell your faculty advisor (or whoever they point you to as being the one who arranges for this kind of thing) that you’re not coping and you’re not well because something legitimately life-altering came down on you. They can make arrangements to help make things easier on you for a while or to make sure you don’t fail out if you need to take some time off.
  
  Tackle tasks one at a time. You may notice yourself dissociating a little, watching yourself from the outside, or observing yourself in a running narrative in your head. This is a coping mechanism, like the numbness, when your system just can’t handle the angst-load, to provide you some relief. It doesn’t mean you’re schizophrenic or crazy. Just try to make the narrative as gentle as possible, and take things in small practical steps. It is even ok to actively remove yourself from your feelings a little when it gets too overwhelming. Imagine looking down at the earth from space, or imagine looking back at yourself in fifty years time. Watch movies. Indulge in passive entertainment and light activity. Meditate on the cold cold water miles beneath the ground and let it ground you and numb you. Take naps. Look into antidepressant medication.
  
  Most importantly, find your reason(s) why you’re not just going to give up, and hold on to them for dear life. It absolutely doesn’t mean you have to be all better by 7am Monday morning, but it’s why you’re going to keep taking small daily steps toward better, and not harpoon the whole rest of your life over one episode, no matter how terrible. It’s why you’re going to talk to your school advisor and (hopefully) a doctor about what help you can get.
  
  If you do feel like talking about it…what happened?
  
  - written 2 months, 3 weeks ago – voted for by usurper

Last 5 Replies – All 273 replies »

• CLOSED
  

  Well crap. I only just got here…
  - written 2 months, 1 week ago

• Im so upset!
  

  A good mantra would be “This is not about me…”
  
  It sounds like you have your head on fairly straight…just keep taking deep breaths. It’s ok to let him know you’re scared. Just make sure that what you’re telling him is “I’m scared to lose you because I love you, but I’d rather love you and be scared than be secure and alone” and not “I’m scared because of what is happening to you, you are making me scared you big meanie”. I mean, obvously you would never say that, but I’ve worked in a lot of hospitals, and you’d be really shocked how easy it is to accidentally say something that ammounts to #2 when what you really mean is #1.
  
  So while you’re being there for him, I hope you’ll let Help be here for you. This is such a rough thing you’re facing, hon. It’s great that he’s got such a sweetheart to hold his hand.:)
  - written 2 months, 1 week ago

• Relationship/dating problem: just a warning, this is going to be a HUGE wall of text.
  

  So my two cents (and kudos to a fellow word-hose!:)
  
  Good for you recognizing that jealousy is not a good or helpful or loving way to think about a person. It CAN be dealt with, however, and you should probaly work on that if you’re going to be dating a girl who is very into being cuddly and friendly and outgoing with her friends. You don’t want to either be one of those controlling jerks that starts dating a girl just to crush her spirit so you can feel safe, or a neurotic mess who’s constantly climbing the walls because the jealousy and insecurity are eating him alive but he’s too nice to say anything.
  
  The first step to managing this gnawing demon is to recognize the jealousy for what it is. It’s just fear. It’s fear of losing something you want very much, fear that someone else is going to take away somethign that you feel you desperately need. That’s all. It’s very normal and very human, and it certainly doesn’t make you a monster. But it’s also not productive or rational, and that’s why we dont’ let it drive the bus.:)
  
  It’s like any other fear.
  1. Acknowledge it, because trying to squash it just makes it loom larger.
  2. Disassemble it. What’s the worst that can happen? Which of your assumptions are realistic (and therefore something you can work on) and which are unrealistic (and should be dismissed)? You seem to be good at processing things in writing, so it can help to write yourself letters to try and get the whole mess spread out in front of you.
  3. Put it in perspective. How much of this fear is actually to do with her (like fear of not getting to know her in as many ways as possible because she’s just that fascinating to you) and how much is really all about you (fear of what it will say about your manhood, your desirability, your potential to ever be happy ever, if she doesn’t validate you by falling madly in love with you). THe parts that are about her will usually be fairly benign and complimentary, and therefore easy to talk about with her and have them allayed. THe ones about you are stuff that you need to work on, but once you are aware of how they’re really about you and not about her, you’re less likely to act like a jerk because of them.
  4. Take that perspective a step farther. Even if she doesn’t like you “that way” you’ll be less likely to take that as a bitter personal insult to your manhood or indicator of personal failure and unattractiveness if do a good job in step 3 (good for you!:). But even if you do start dating, and especially if you don’t, recognize the value of her as a friend. When you really adore someone, it doesn’t matter whether or not they want to jump you, it’s just nice having them in your life in whatever way is comfortable. Think about yourself and what’s best for you. The best and most enduring friendships are unique because no one gets caught up in making sure all the lables and behaviors fit a certain paradigm. If you do end up dating, or if you don’t, recognize that that doesn’t alter the fundamental mystery of you-as-you and her-as-her and the more-than-the-sum-of-parts that you are together. Value your relationship for what it is, and be present in it rather than fretting about labels. Stupid people are always trying to make hard and fast rules about relationships, when in truth the only real rules are the ones you negotiate between you.
  
  Ok, step 4 needs to go on a diet.
  
  I would lay money that she does like you. Like you, she’s probably being a little cagey. So my only advice there is a qualified “GO for it!”
  
  The qualifiers:
  Since you’ve never dated anyone before, be prepared to screw up, but don’t force her to mentor you on how to be a boyfriend. If you take initiative asking her out and she accepts, continue to be proactive in exploring your relationship. If you screw up, say you’re sorry, don’t think it’s the end of the world, and keep going. Like with the texting, it’s good to check in with her to find out how she’s feeling and what she’s thinking and how she’s reacting to you…just not every ten minutes.:) Other than that, just be honest and be willing to take things slow.
  
  I think I may have hit the “longer than the original post” mark…sorry there.
  
  Good luck! Let us know how it turns out!
  - written 2 months, 1 week ago

• PLEASE please read this and tell me what you think.
  

  Really interesting, and supernatural fiction is pretty big right now. You need some touch-ups for spelling and clarity, and I’m hoping there’s some variation in intensity and tone during the narrative…if it’s all one long cutter-porn meditation that might not go over so well.:) But I do think this is excellent, and properly seated in a larger work it could be very effective.
  
  I’d say go for it, but ONLY IF you think you can handle any possible response. If getting rejected by a few publishers would make you want to stop writing, I would hold off. Make sure you have a good base of people who can remind you that your heart holds talent and your work is interesting.
  
  You can probably gauge the stability of your self-esteem level by how you reacted to my calling it “cutter porn”.
  - written 2 months, 1 week ago

• alright this is gonna be long.
  

  That’s good to hear. I’m sorry to have gone off the rails at you a bit there. FWIW, you do have my respect.:)
  - written 2 months, 1 week ago

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