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• Why go on ? posted (7 years, 2 months) ago
  A year of my life - memories , experiences , almost everyday together (even after she was being se…

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• why did he stay if he did not like my personality?
  

  Sadly the vast majority of human beings come from a past that has scarred or broken them emtionally/psychologically . Very few are fortunate to have loving and enlightenned beings around them as they grow up . Emotional brokenness is a common afflication with human beings and prevents moving into a positve , healthy , and wonderful today and tomorrow . It inhibits our ability to relax and enjoy life today , and life today is the matrix (the womb) of our joyous intimacy and cognitive expansion , as we move out to embrace the brilliance of the universe . . .
  I am now going to go through your letter point by point to see if i can be of any “help”
  : ” I loved him with all my heart. He said he would never leave and he wanted to get married, I am not perfect I have emotional damamge from an abusive past. I get scared a lot to do normal things like walk into a resturant. He hates this about me. ” - - - You committed your inner person to his care . You placed your hope , rehabilitation , healing , growth , and potential actualization in completeness with him . But then he saw your flaws , and instead of being gentle and saying that ,” that was the past , things are ok now , this experience is going to be different and good , and assuring you of his continued presence !” , he criticised you , thus making you feel alone . When you needed his comfort , he gave you his criticism .
  : ” I hate this about me too. I don’t feel comfortable meeting people at first because I feel like everyone knows what a looser I can be. ” - - - Obviously this is a statement of self criticism and diminished self worth . You shouldn’t do this to yourself . When a child is hurt and crying , one doesn’t slap them around and verbally belittle them to make them feel better . You don’t cure something by inflicting further pain . If i’ve gashed my hand and am bleeding profusely , i don’t take out a chain saw and and cut off my hand , and shove my arm in a bucket of salt . You heal yourself as the body does in its natural way by surrounding the injured sight with healing fluid , and in this protective bubble direct other medicinal energies to the site . And then in time , as a consequence of being in a protected state , the injury goes away and is replaced by new healthy tissue .
  : “we still fight because he say no matter how I act he feels like somthing is wrong with me. He told me he doesn’t like my personality and I should be with someone else.” - - - He obviously doesn’t know what it means when you say i love you to someone and commit to a potential future together . If he loved you he would accept your “brokenness” and your “radiance” . He would have recognized that your psychological health was central to his present and future well being . Saying i love you , means we are no longer two separate individuals struggling to get through life on our own - we are one person made up of two halves like a heart . If i want to be healthy then i must focus my full attention to heal any wound that has been inflicted upon my other half . If i am willing to discard the other because i don’t want to “see clearly” that my continued health is concretely connected to my loves health , if i am willing to toss them aside then i obviously don’t know what “love” means ! ! !
  : ” This really hurts asnd makes me wnat to die. I just wish he could see I’m doing my best and I’m getting better every step of the way. I’m so hurt that he broke up with.” - - - Yes investing/committing your heart to another person is making yourself vunerable , like handing someone a precious ancient china ornament and family treasure , and asking t hem to cherish it as you do . . . But then , their behaviour shows they don’t really value what has been given to their trust and care , , , and the final cruelty is that they toss it to the ground , shatter it , and walk away . . . You wanted to die - I’m 50 years old and have loved a multitude but i’m still alone . Since that day Wed Feb22 2006 until now , i had feelings of depression and futility that recommended that all i had left was hopelessness , and the only solution left was to die because things won’t get better and i’ll never find her . . . But here i sit , because one emotion raises it’s voice when faced with that eternal dark silence and mystery , and that one emotion “hope” . And with that small hope , i start to heal , and the beauty that is all around me today ( like today , out chopping ice in the warm sunshine , the cool breeze , the blue sky , the smiling people walking or driving by , and the simple accomplishment of removing the ice ) this goodness helps to heal my brokenness , and i stop worrying about what i don’t have and what will the future bring . I open myself up to today and embrace what is in it’s simplicity and wholesomeness .
  : ” I even tried to fight him what an idiot! ” - - - Ya , bad idea (chuckle , laughing with you not at you) , guys are generally bigger and stronger and the possibilty of inflicting damage is remote unless your packing some serious firepower .
  : ” I don’t know how I will ever love agin my heart is broken in two and I FEEL SO ALONEBREAK UP ” - - - . . . It’s easy for me , despite what i’ve just experienced , to say that ‘You’re not alone , and you will find someone who will truly “love” you .’ It is central to all human beings this need to be loved . Even those who strongly declare that they have given up on love , and can do it on their own , wish that that “special” person would come into their life and never go away . That they would be there every day to help them cope with the pressures of just getting through another day . That they would be there to hug , to cuddle , and to comfort at the end of the day , to wash away the stress and assist in formulating solutions to problems , to plan for future experinces , , , to simply take away the loneliness . You will survive , you will heal , you will reach out and embrace the life and possibility around you today , and you will find your someone ! ! ! , , , and if you need a friend to talk to , send me an email . . .
  - written 7 years, 2 months ago

Alan . . .'s conversations are tagged:

emotionalpsychological turmoil, emotional withdrawl, emotions from a breakup, help im hurt, how can i get him back or get over him