i broke up with him… although… i told him… i dont love him anymore. he told me that i put a hole in his heart and he told me that i promised him i would never brake up with him again. i feel like im being mean because im not giving him love that he needs cuz his moms in jail and i feel like im not respecting that. but all my friends dont want to see me get hurt… so im doing me and them a favor by breaking up with him… and my mom thinks i deserve better. which i know i do. if his mom never went to jail… then again… it seems like hes blaming his mom. theres only so little i can do. he does need help and i know im the only one who can help him but i cant cuz im not strong enough. i talked to my mom about this and im glad i did. yet, why cant i put out on what my mom wants me to do when im talking to him? i know… its probably because im nervous and i feel like im on the spot. Relationships are soo hard >. ” and im not even sure if its anyones fault. and if it is then its not only mine but both. >. ” issues.. >. and my maturety level is low >. ” “i dont wanna grow up i wanna be a toys R us kid” XD nah.. of coarse i know i have to grow up. cuz if i dont.. then i wont ever get a job and i wont ever mature. oh and one more thing…. i know for sure that all of my friends will mature and probably already have matured way faster than i. nyiiia! L.I.F.E >. ”
[quote M.y.a][quote fallingfrozenstar_9]
i guess another reason why i stay with him is because he is a challenge. And i like challenges :3 especially when i know i can gain power and confidence because im a girl. u know what i mean :3[/quote]
yeah, i know what you mean.. been there done that.. just don’t forget that when you play with fire you might get burnt.. well, i did, auch
and fallingfrozenstar_9, remember, he has to change because he wants to change not because you want him to!
i think another reason why you stay with him is that you might be trying to avoid your own challenge - to get a respect for yourself! only when you respect yourself others will respect you..
‘Low self esteem and self confidence: Such feelings often lead to individuals dealing with other people in a passive way. By not asserting their rights, expressing their feelings or stating clearly what they want, they invite others to treat them in the same way. Low self esteem is reinforced in a vicious circle of passive responding and reduced self confidence.
Assertiveness Rights and Responsibilities
To be assertive is to understand that everyone has basic human rights that should be respected and upheld. Responding passively allows such rights to be neglected or ignored. In contrast, when behaving aggressively, the rights of others are abused.
What are considered personal rights will vary from person to person, however, an individual’s assertive rights will include the following:
* The right to feelings, opinions and values.
* The right to express what I want or how I feel.
* The right to change my mind.
* The right to make decisions.
* The right to say “I don’t know” and “I don’t understand.”
* The right to say “no” without feeling bad or guilty.
* The right to be non-assertive.
* The right to be myself.
* The right to privacy, to be alone and independent.
(Townend, 1991, pp.7-8)
Making headway in conflicts with aggressive personalities can only happen when you’re willing to invest your time and energy where you have unquestionable power: YOUR OWN BEHAVIOR. Besides, investing yourself in something in which you will necessarily experience success is exhilarating and confidence-building. The more confident and energized you are, the better your chances for achieving success in dealing with the problems at hand.
- In Sheep’s Clothing, George K. Simon, Jr. Ph.D.
___________________________________________________________________________________
[quote fallingfrozenstar_9]I know things will work out ok. i dont think god would let me go through anything that i cant handle. maybe he might but thats just to test me. i have to much hope.[/quote]
okay, i’ll pray for you and hope that i’ll hear from risingshiningstar soon! ;)[/quote] - written 1 month ago
is there any way to tell him how i feel without him getting mad at me or using anything against me?
yea i know… we are bf and gf and i shouldnt be afraid to tell him how i feel. i just love and care about him so much and i really want to be here for him but if hes just going to use things against me how can i like have a good relationship with him? i dont even ever use things against him. :\[/quote]
sweety! YOU DESERVE to be treated with respect! YOU DESERVE safe and happy life!
‘If you believe you can help your bf… It’s only natural that you want to help your bf. You may think you’re the only one who understands him or that it’s your responsibility to fix his problems. But the truth is that by staying and accepting repeated abuse and his behavior, you’re reinforcing and enabling the abusive behavior. Instead of helping your bf, you’re perpetuating the problem.’
sweety, if you both can not get a professional help your problems will probably only worsen. i’ve been in a relationship with a similar man and i understand that you love and care about him so much but to deal with his kind of behavior one needs a professional help.
if you would like an opinion of more people, make your post into a main post. i hope you can find help or a strength to leave him. best wishes, stay strong and remember - YOU DESERVE to be treated with respect and YOU DESERVE safe and happy life![/quote]
thank you so much!
i … i…. appreciate your appearance and help here. Ive been searching for help in all the wrong places. i do have a councilor… he doesn’t. I know things will work out ok. i dont think god would let me go through anything that i cant handle. maybe he might but thats just to test me. i have to much hope. >. and no respect for myself.
i think because i want my bf to give me more respect because i give him all respect.
what would happen if i tell him im on this site finding information thats upsetting me or watever? i have to think about how he might react and prepare myself to know how to react back and to also try not to get him even more mad. i guess another reason why i stay with him is because he is a challenge. And i like challenges :3 especially when i know i can gain power and confidence because im a girl. u know what i mean :3 - written 1 month ago
well if its realistic, if i could be able to, i would brake up with my bf if he could just say ok and let me go. but the only reason i hang onto him is because he says he needs me. and i know a strong reason why… its because i do everything he wants. :\ so basically, i will give up how i want to live my life just so he can be satisfied. so basically, i live for him and not myself… :\ and he has anger management problems… he needs help… he needs a councilor… he doesnt have one… im all he has. i cant do much because im not strong enough. he lives in texas i live in california. i am 15 and… well… im probably stupid for being with him. i met him online. i talk to him on my cell. we have been together for almost half a year now. he is 14. he has no mom. his dad used to be what was considered bad. meaning, abusive. his mom is now sent in jail because she was found to have pounds of drugs in the back of her friends truck. his mom didnt even know her friend sold drugs. how am i supposed to deal with this child with no mother firgure without him getting mad at me because of his anger management problems?
i am his gf. we have decided we will marry eachother but thats when we are adults.
i told him i am always there for him when he needs me, but i dont think he is there for me :\
he tells me sorry when he knows he has done something wrong. I greatly appreciate that! I want him to be happy with me. I dont want to give him any stress. I dont want to cause him anymore problems. The thing here is… i do everything he tells me to do. I listen to him but… when i tell him something i wanna do he tells me things that will get me so i wont do them. if i get sleepy he will tell me “oh, so while ur going to sleep i dont wanna be lonely so im just gonna call someone else then to talk to instead!” freaking… i let him go to sleep… but when i want to he just gets me to not go to sleep and i end u forcing myself to stay awake.
i really dont think this problem will resolve unless if i tell him what i think abd how i feel. but if i do that he will be mad at me which i dont want.
is there any way to tell him how i feel without him getting mad at me or using anything against me?
yea i know… we are bf and gf and i shouldnt be afraid to tell him how i feel. i just love and care about him so much and i really want to be here for him but if hes just going to use things against me how can i like have a good relationship with him? i dont even ever use things against him. :\ - written 1 month, 1 week ago
