Halo 0=)'s profile at Help.com

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Last 7 Posts Authored

• I feel happy =) For once in a long time I feel peace and like even though everything has gone so bad, and still are bad, I’m strong enough now. posted (11 months, 1 week) ago
  I’m going to be okay! I’m so happy, I hope and pray each and every one of you find peace…

• I finally made up my mind, I definitely want to go to graduate school…..but how do I know which program is for me? posted (1 year) ago
  I’m a double major in Sociology and Criminal Justice with a minor in Spanish. I want to becom…

• CAR HELP posted (1 year) ago
  I am planning to give my car a make over. I want to give it a paint job, new rims, tinted windows, …

• How do you learn to live independently? posted (1 year, 1 month) ago
  I don’t mean to live on your own I mean how do you learn to live your life based around yours…

• My sister has these red blotches on her arm and all over her body but they’re not itchy, what can they be? posted (1 year, 1 month) ago
  they do feel rather warm and look a lot like a rash but there are no bumps and there is no itch. .…

• I meed to learn the dewey decimal system and squeeze in a few hours of sleep before an interview I have tomorrow HELP! posted (1 year, 1 month) ago
  !!! I’m freaking out I didn’t realize what the dewey decimal system was until now. Does…

• If you join an honor society at your university, what do you do in there? posted (1 year, 1 month) ago
  Is it simply like being in honor role or are there events you have to attend?…

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Halo 0=)'s Top (5) Replies by other users' votes

• (3 votes) I cant believe this is happening…
  

  You sound like you’re going through A LOT of similar things I went through. But you have to realize the words you told us and the very realistic part of the relationship…it was an abusive one! I was in one once. He never hit me or did anything to physically hurt me. It was all mental and emotional stress. What you’re going through right now and feeling is completely normal. You were with him for FOUR years.And on top of that you just stopped talking to him. Everything is still fresh.
  
  As far as the baby…what makes you think you’re pregnant? Did you miss your period or are you just late? Because all of this stress can be causing it to come late. If you can try to take a pregnancy test.
  
  But back to the whole situation. You said nothing has been going right. I don’t think things have been going right for four years. You have become used to being with him. He has become your “normal”. So when he is taken away you must feel lost and stressed. Especially if you can’t turn to your family. Abusive relationships are very hard to get over…but there are thousands of women going through or have gone through what you are. It is painful, but by allowing to let go of him you can definitely begin a new and more positive life.
  
  Sometimes when you’re in such a relationship…there is a breaking point where there is so much pain but you kinda know that because of all the pain that you guys have gone through and all of the b.s. that has aroused throughout it that you know you didn’t deserve to experience…you cant see the other person in the same light. Even if you really wanted to, you know that it cannot go uphill anymore. I think even though the relationship has ended and you want to be with him, you have to realize that that history will always be there. I mean did you ever feel secure even when he “stopped” abusing you? Did you ever still wonder, will he do that again? is it possible he’ll go back to his old ways? I know i definitely asked myself this when i thought things were going okay.
  
  With him gone though you are so much more available to experience life. Try to enjoy things you once did before you met him. Try to get closer to family. You don’t have to talk about this with them but find a support system…people that make you feel secure. As far as him living down the street goes, once you finally feel your “f*** him”attitude has kicked in, feel free to go out. Go out to a town you haven’t been to that’s nearby. Make new memories. Feel free to cry on this. You are suffering from deeply rooted pain, it’s completely understandable. But don’t forget to allow yourself to enjoy the things you have and the people that surround you. I don’t know how he abused you, but in whatever way it was, abuse is never justifiable. You are worth so much more than that and have been blessed with an opportunity to find peace in your life.
  
  I hope all goes well 3 If you need to talk about this anymore, know that I’m here to help.
  
  - written 11 months, 2 weeks ago – voted for by AzKat, TripleTT, southern_comfort

• (1 vote) What is the difference between being dependent on someone and being able to depend on someone?
  

  I want to say that when you’re dependent on someone you rely mostly on them and it is difficult to function without them and their support. If you depend on someone you can count on them to be there when you need them, but you can live and function well without them for the majority of them time.
  
  - written 1 year ago – voted for by Ahhotep

• (1 vote) Break up issues…HELP!
  

  I remember your original post explaining the whole situation. I still do not think it was your fault. Any girl would have got jealous, and it did seem like he had listened to whatever that girl had told him. It does seem weird to me though that he had broken up with you over that and still just wants to be friends. By him doing that it does seem like there is more to his decision than he is letting you know. Now we don’t have to get over our heads and think the worse. Sure, he could have got with the other girl or someone else. But he could have also been bothered that so many people were involved in a situation where it should have been an intimate conflict and resolved by yourselves. Even if that were the case, he may have been feeling uneasy about the relationship and you didn’t notice. Looking back at your relationship right before all of this happened did he distance himself at all? Or act differently? I just find it weird that he’d give everything up like that. And let me just let you know that you feeling what you’re feeling is completely normal. I know how it feels to have everything fine one minute and it just go downhill in a heartbeat.
  
  Some advise: 1) Stop questioning what could have happened. What happened happened. Do not dwell on the past because it will not let you reach your future. You can reflect but try to see the lessons. This is extremely hard to do I know because when you reflect you’re thinking of memories and the memories make you miss him. To be honest, I don’t know how to make this easy, but I do ask you to try to grasp what you are supposed to learn out of this.
  
  2) Make a choice: try to get him back, or decide there is no more you can do or are willing to do and move on. Another hard part. I really want to share this quote with you from Marilyn Monroe:
  
  “I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”
  
  When you think about it, what she is saying is very true. But when you’re heartbroken, it’s difficult to take this as a reality. He was with you during difficult times, but maybe he was only meant to be there for that, so you were able to get through the tough times and come out okay. But now his job is done and it’s time for you to either move on to someone who will inspire you to do many things and show you a different side to life or maybe it’s a time on your life where you’re meant to grow in your independence. I know you are a mature girl, but there is always life lessons to learn when dealing with independence. Now, you could try to go back to him. Think about some things though. Do you truly believe it was your fault? (Think about think sensibly, not with your broken heart) If you don’t think it was your fault, then if you guys were to get back together would you trust him? Has he changed at all before you guys broke up and after? I mean, does he seem like he’s being a lot friendlier with other girls? That could be a red flag. Do not think about how things could have been, as I said earlier. But right now when trying to decide what you honestly want, think about how things would be if you got back together. This incident you guys went through isn’t something that’s just going to disappear. It’s something you both will remember. How will it affect how the relationship works and how you treat each other?
  
  - written 1 year, 1 month ago – voted for by analisa77

• (1 vote) Is he scared?
  

  It sounds like he’s confused and scared? He probably has all of these strong feelings for you and honestly wants to be in the relationship but is 1) scared to mess things up/ things to go wrong (or get hurt) and/or 2) confused because he wants to do these things with you and move the relationship on at a normal pace but that would go against his theory of taking it slow. I think it’s really weird that he said that you guys are too different if you saw the connection. I think he’s thinking too much into it though. Overall, he sounds afraid of commitment because he doesn’t want to get hurt again. If I were you, and if you have a way of still talking to him, let him know how you feel. Reassure him that you’re not trying to hurt him and be his best friend.
  
  - written 1 year, 2 months ago – voted for by swayenea

• (1 vote) My boyfriend and i are ‘taking a break’.
  

  Give him time, but also make it known that you’re not there to judge him and he can be completely open with you. The only way to make the relationship stronger is to be able to let each other know the weaknesses of the relationship.
  
  - written 1 year, 5 months ago – voted for by John Henry

Last 5 Replies – All 383 replies »

• My teammate was wounded by rocket fire today.
  

  I assure you that your friend will be in my prayers 3
  - written 10 months, 2 weeks ago

• What is more important, traditional values or unconventional dreams?
  

  I guess traditional values will last a lifetime…seeing they’re traditional. But I think your happiness is more important than the two. You shouldn’t be strapped down by either. You can make your own rules and own way of life. It just depends on what you determine is right and wrong.
  - written 11 months, 1 week ago

• I have had low self esteem all my life.
  

  Well you’re not alone. You have family. Hopefully seeing your brother again will help you regain some feeling of happiness. Try to let go of all the negative, view this as a beginning to happiness. Create a clean slate for yourself and start over. you can do this =)
  - written 11 months, 1 week ago

• I have had low self esteem all my life.
  

  Do you wish you would have experienced these things instead? That you would have put emotion into them?
  - written 11 months, 1 week ago

• I have had low self esteem all my life.
  

  I am so sorry for your marriage problems. I hope everything works out for the both of you. And I am so glad you have a starting point, because this is he beginning of your resolution. I hope you find yourself and most importantly I hope you find happiness!
  - written 11 months, 2 weeks ago

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