Thanks for your shout. The thing is, you wanting another child is not, in itself, selfish. What is selfish about it is that you dont contribute equally to raising the children. If you did, it would be a different story and I am sure you would receive a lot more support. What is it that you will do for her, or have done for her, that is an equal sacrifice to being pregnant for 9 months, giving birth, and raising a child for 18 years? You cant say you would do it if you could because that is just hollow - it can never be proven.
Its selfish because you expect her to have yet another child to prove she loves you, despite her health fears, and she shouldnt have to. She has already had two children for you and is currently raising them - she has nothing more to prove to you.
Lets look at it a little differently. If your young children said that they wanted a puppy, but you knew that you would have to be the one who fed it, cleaned up after it, took it to the vet, trained it, etc, would you agree to it? A child is a much larger responsibility than a dog! In your scenario, it would probably be your wife who would end up looking after it too, but imagine if it was you?
So, if your wife has another child, would you be willing to let her go back to work and you take paternity leave, and then when the child is old enough, for you to go back to work but still be the one that raises the child and does all of the things that she currently does for that child, the household, and the other children? If yes, you might have a case. If not, then you definately do need to rethink your position.
Hi, I wanted to clarify what I mean about you treating your wife like a servant because I’m not sure you get it.
I was married and had two kids - we were together for 10 years. I am now a single mum. I have pretty much always worked, and having a job is easy - I work in a management role. Raising children is not easy. Being pregnant is not easy. You need to understand that having a high income role (which I do) is still never going to be equal to the contribution your wife is making to the family. And you said she works too! Your contribution to the family is hardly substantial.
You may not tell her to do things, but if you have created a situation where she automatically does everything because you don’t (and someone has to), and the only time you do anything is when she asks you to, well you have made her the family servant. She doesn’t get paid to do it. You get to go to work and come home and sit on your ass and have fun with the kids without taking any responsibility for them or your home - what a nice, easy life you must have. The thing is, you may help when she asks, but she shouldn’t have to. She is not your mother. You should just do it because you are a responsible adult who makes mess like the rest of us - having a penis does not make you exempt. For goodness sakes, just do things without being told and make your wife appreciate having you around. You may just find she is more willing to do things for you.
If she was to choose abortion (which is what I would do if I was married to you), then I would support her wholeheartedly. It’s her body and she should have the right to do with it as she sees fit. You made an incorrect assumption there.
You say you want to know she loves you enough to have another child for you because you would for her! Well, that statement is bollocks and can never be proven because you can’t have babies. If you don’t love her and your children enough to share family responsibilities equally now, then how can you expect someone to take your comment seriously and sacrifice themselves for you?
You really need to take a good, hard look at the man you have become, because if I was your wife’s parents I would be so sad that all the time, love and energy I had devoted into raising her had culminated in her being the servant of a man who is not worthy of her. And if you really loved your daughters you will make sure they never end up in the same situation.
Change your ways. Your attitude is not ok and is antiquated.
And let me guess - you are a Christian?
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