bebegunn's reply history at Help.com

I would recommend backing out of the relationship entirely for right now until you find the ability to view yourself as a confident, strong, beautiful young woman. The more you discover about yourself, the easier future decisions will come to you. You should never live in fear of anything, and that includes yourself. Take some time for yourself and re-evaluate the past relationships you were in, and why you held those men responsible for your personal happiness and well-being. That corny old saying is true–until you learn to love, appreciate, and respect yourself, your not going to do yourself-or anyone else-any good. Your mother’s failed relationships do NOT dictate the future you are entitled to. Also, you say this is a long distance relationship. Well, he may indeed be a great guy. But, I think, until you are actually around a person continuously, and you get to discover all the things about that person that you appreciate, and all the things about that person that completely drive you over the edge…well, you know what I’m getting at. Take care of yourself FIRST–always.

Speak to him while being completely laid-back, and ask him to really get down to business and give you specific examples of your “attitude problem”. Don’t overreact, just give him the opportunity to explain what he’s seeing. Maybe it’s true, maybe it’s not true, it doesn’t matter because whatever it is, it’s causing a problem in your relationship, and neither one of you is going to be happy until he fesses up and explains himself in detail. Like the person who posted before me, it very well could be that he is trying to turn things around on you. I’ve actually done this (yeah, horrible but true.) If I’m doing something maybe I know is wrong, and I know I’ve been a real pain in the *** lately, I’ll turn it around and make it out like it’s the other persons fault. Maybe he does want a break. Maybe he’s feeling a little guilty about something (not to make you freak out.), or, hell, maybe your attitude does need a readjustment. Talk it out. Peace!

I am in a similar situation (I’m 22 years old, female) with a man who is 29. We dated for about 3 years, and things ended in disaster. I am seeing someone else currently, but am not happy because I KNOW that this other man is the person I am supposed to be with. I can feel it in the deepest of my heart. I still talk to this person everyday and usually see him 4 or 5 times a week (no sexual relationship at all, just hang out as friends), and it tears my heart out every time because I know he is the right person for me, and I know I’m with the wrong person. I believe if we gave it another try, we could work through all of our difficulties because we have both grown so much over the past couple years, but, he will have none of it. I’ve tried talking to him, but he is just at the point in his life where he is burned out from seeing anybody and he needs to be alone. He also has not dated anybody since we broke up (3 years ago.) The only thing I can say is that I guess there will come a point in time where you are either going to pursue this girl you want (and there will be one of two outcomes there–either, she’ll accept, or decline), or you’re going to walk away from the whole situation because it hurts too much. I haven’t reached that point yet, I still keep holding out hope that this guy will have a change of heart and decide to give things another shot. Trouble is, if you’re trying to make this girl “realize” that she is the right one for you, you are without a doubt wasting your time and you will drive yourself to the brink of insanity. Everyone has their own mind and feelings, and you can’t make her realize feelings for you that she just straight up doesn’t have. Maybe she really does, but that’s going to be her decision to come around to them and acknowledge them, and ultimately act upon them. There is nothing you can do, bugging her about it will only drive a wedge between the two of you (believe me on that). Until then, you’ve got time and that’s about it. So take your focus off of the situation for right now. Focus on something you can make a positive impact on (I know that sounds corny and ridiculous but it’s true.) Hope this helped at least a little–hang in there, and say a prayer for me too while your at it. :)

I wanted to thank everybody for their thoughtful advice on getting through this difficult situation–it was very appreciated and much thought about.