avatardvr's reply history at Help.com

thanks for everything everyone

what happened. well, its pretty intimate, i was a heavy drinker and i let it get out of control. i made a mistake and am being charged with something i would never normally have done. my job is in jeopardy, i find out tomorrow if i still have one, my life has been on a downward spiral since. i havent got anyone to talk to, my family all lives far away, there are some bad money problems… there are so many things weighing me down its hard to take. at the best of times i am just tired and the worst of times i plan on ways to end it.

i am stuck in a horrible place. i lost some one to suicide, i know what it did to me, its the one thing that keeps me hanging on. im in a really bad place, i have no friends and no close family. thanks all for helping. thanks for the song .ash>> it helped.

earlier i posted “I think I am in the wrong spot” and again… lol

I sometimes sit here just sitting. sometimes it feels very real that i am just waiting for somthing to happen to me. I can see myself and some of the skills that i have and i wonder why i cant use them to make me a better person. what am i missing. sometimes this feels really big, like there is a large part of me missing, making it hard to cope, even just dealing with other people. sometimes i feel like everyone i see knows me and how i feel and i walk by and acknowledge this as thou it were true and continue on. some i feel judge me for what or who i am, or how i think, and others i feel just walk on by not judging, some perhaps even relate to what i feel while others could be completely uncaring… as i am myself sometimes. urg. i am aware of how people generally respond to me physicaly and emotionaly.. i tend to see people react, make eye contact with drivers when i am crossing the street, acknoledge all people in a restaurant… i look, observe and watch, and i feel. ************ i just exist thou, despit the awareness i have, it doesnt make a better person of me. i dont litter, and watch others litter, i give them **** when i can, even sometimes pick up their garbage myself. hmm. I think i could probably probably go on for a while. grunt.

what please be specific

um… yes

yeah i am a fan of john lennons stuff, my point infact was just the way a perfect circle had done it. fantastic. thanks for the link.

huh. thats the first time ive seen the video for that song and i gotta admit i still feel the same but it is directed somewere else. you ever have an emotional experience that made you harder on the inside? now instead of just feeeling all weepy and depressed i am seriously pissed off. anyway i am glad to have watched it, thanks for the response and the post. thoroughly enjoyed that i did. peace

well, im just kind of wondering if it’s made people feel the same as i’ve felt is all.

yeah booze when i can afford. usually music. to bring me out or put me in deeper. depends on how it feels. things… emotions flow more free for me when ive been drinking ususally. this struck me as profound… once, i heard , and i dont remember where i heard this, depression is anger directed inward. thinking about this on my own perspective it makes me think back to the things that i have done in my own life and how guilt has followed me thru my childhood into my adulthood. its so hard to see any differently than what i see now, so easy to stay where it is comfortable and just sit here and wallow. ive some hard directions to take, my self, in the short future here and fear i wont make the right choices. all my personal vices control me and pull me down, but no matter how deep i fall, i always find my way back again. sorry. kinda blabberd there for a mo.

i havent done a soft mod, only hardware mods, does your xbox boot off your dvd drive? if not do you have a pc dvd drive? you can make your xbox boot by hooking up a pc dvd drive at the same time as your xbox dvd drive but you have to open the case. this will void your warantie, but i suspect it is already void because you soft modded it. if this is a direction you would like to take, i will give you as much info as i can.

Hey. I dont have an xbox360 so I’m not totally sure about this, but I got my xbox on my network and online by asigning dns servers in the setup of my xbox. Can you do that with the 360?

I am into some older stuff like
Jimi Hendrix, (ex: All Along the Watchtower)
Led Zeppelin, (Black Dog, When the Levee Breaks… ok they are all good)
Pink Floyd, (in particular the entire album Wish You Were Here and of course Dark Side of the Moon)
Old Megadeth (Rust in Peace, Skull Beneath the Skin)
older Metallica (Orion)
Deep Purple, Uriah Heap, Supertramp,

Newer heavier stuff like;
Mudvayne - Forget to Remember and Happy?
System of a Down - Hypnotize, or just about anything by them
Corrosion of Conformty - Clean my Wounds

Trance/Techno stuff;
Anything out of Cafe Del Mar (especially Bush - Letting the Cables Sleep)
Orbital just about the entire Snivilization album
Anything by Prodigy (smack my bitch up, minefeilds…)
William Orbit the album Spiral

well thats a start but just a bit of what I am into.
dont forget to check out Blue Oyster Cult - Dont Fear the Reaper, and every song done by Black Sabbath back in the day when Ozzy still rocked. (particularly Vol.4)
peace.

hi. there are a number of file converters out there. do a search in google for wma to mp3 convert or something like that ( i assume your songs are wma for windows media player) try this place http://www.wma-mp3.com/ ( i havent tried any of them myself)