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• I spent Christmas with a group of friends this year for the first time ever, and I enjoyed it so much more than my Christmases with family! posted (1 year, 4 months) ago
  I am feeling really divided by this because I now would rather have that sort of Christmas from no…

• The weirdest thing happened to me yesterday as I was trying to get off my banana lounge. posted (1 year, 5 months) ago
  So I’m having a relaxing time on the lounge, soaking up some sun, and I had to get up. For so…

• Closed. posted (1 year, 7 months) ago
  Closed.…

• FOR WHEN YOU ARE FEELING DOWN - New weird vid! posted (1 year, 7 months) ago
  ! [youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l12Csc_lW0Q] You think you have problems? Check out …

• Help me get rid of my headache please! posted (1 year, 8 months) ago
  !! I have a bad cold, got it from work, and have been in bed all day. Am deeply congested. I have…

• Closed. posted (1 year, 9 months) ago
  Closed.…

• 5 Questions you need to ask to avoid ruining your life posted (1 year, 9 months) ago
  http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-questions-you-need-to-ask-to-avoid-ruining-your-life/ I found this a…

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emmylou2u's Top (5) Replies by other users' votes

• (3 votes) I’m 14 and four months pregnant.
  

  Post a replyOh, sweetie, I am so sorry this happened to you. I do agree with lucyhills that some people in this post have been quite harsh and judgemental, some people think they have to ’shock’ you with ‘harsh realities’ in order to make their point. When you really need our compassion and understanding. No-one can tell you what to do, but we can give you some more info on the options.  My daughter is 15, so I will give you the advice I would give her if she was in the same situation. 
  
  Firstly, yeah, you stuffed up. But things happen and you need to move on from any negative feelings you have about yourself because of it. Just learn from it and be more careful next time.
  
  I would think you have more than just the two options you have suggested, for example you could also consider abortion. If you do, the baby is gone. You won’t have to go through the rest of the pregnancy and labour, all of which is far more risky than abortion, particularly for one so young. Abortion has a certain stigma attached to it, and I am sure you would be sad about it, but as I said it is safer health wise, and you won’t spend the rest of your life wondering what the child is doing, what they look like, etc - until the day they come knocking on your door asking why you didn’t want them. You can move on with your life straight away and it’s a very simple and easy process - its a general anasthetic so you dont know what is happening, you are in and out the same day, will bleed for a few days after (same as after giving birth) but there is no pain. 
  
  If you keep it, as has been said before, it won’t be a baby for long so you need to think to the future. Once the child is running around the house, breakibg things and demanding constant attention, do you think you can handle that? But the moat important thing here is love and being good. If you feel you could raise a child with love and to know right from wrong, and to choose right, then everything else is secondary. You don’t have to be a certain age to be a good parent (I am a young mum too, i was 19, and I know I am a good mum), and you don’t have to be financially stable to be a good parent. If you have family support and the support of the father and his family, that is a great start. I am separated from my husband, many relationships don’t last and nothing is forever. The other thing is, just because you make a decision to keep it doesn’t mean that you are stuck with that decision if you find yourself not coping. You can always opt for adoption later. 
  
  I guess I think adoption would be my least preferred option. You would have to go through the rest of the pregnancy and labour (which is pretty crappy) only to lose a child you may develop a bond with (even crappier). And as I said before, it’s not closure - you will always be wondering about them. However, as has also been said, there are couples who would love a child. But - you need to think about you. Not some random couple who may want a kid. Don’t be made to feel guilty about other people’s problems. You have your own to sort out.  
     
  I hope this has helped somewhat. Oh - and watch the movie Juno.
  
  Please let me know if you want me to clarify anything further or you want to talk to me more about it. You poor darling, this is such a tough time. 
  
  Take care of yourself. Em. xx  
  
  - written 2 years ago – voted for by katieowl, lazy, ▲

• (3 votes) I have hit a pretty low point in my life — my ex has been harrassing me and threatning me since I broke up with him over a month ago.
  

  Oh, honey!! You know, sometimes the law cant protect us, and we need to take action ourselves. I suggest some of the following:
  
  Keep a record of his threats and the things that you have done in a safe place. Maybe write a timeline of what has happened. Ask friends and family to also do this. Then maybe put it in a bank safe or something.
  Let him know that you have a record of all of this, and that if something happens to you, someone you know (dont say who) will be taking it all to the police.
  You have to start acting in a way that is not predictable to him. While he thinks he knows you and the way you will react, he has power. But if you start doing things he didnt think you ever would, suddenly he will become much less sure of himself and he will start to worry.
  You need to empower yourself. Tell yourself, in the mirror, how dare he think he can get away with doing this to you, to you of all people, and that he doesnt know who he is messing with.
  Think about movies you have watched where people who are treated badly take matters into their own hands. A transformation happens. They become strong, they decide enough is enough and they are no longer going to be a victim. One really good example that may be appropriate for you is the Julie Roberts movie Sleeping with the Enemy. I think, though, she was probably lucky more than anything and didnt really empower herself that much. Hmmm, maybe think about how Angelina Jolie in Mr & Mrs Smith would handle it!
  Distracting yourself is not going to help, because you will always have the feeling over your head that he could appear at any time. Its a constant dread. So you need to plan for what you will do if he contacts you again, or if he finds you.
  Okay, so I know this is going to sound extreme, but do you know anyone who has good connections with a bikie gang? Maybe you can pay them for some protection (ie to watch your place, be on the lookout if he comes to town) or to get them to threaten him to back off. Not saying to do anything illegal, but since he has basically told you he is going to kill you, its up to you what you have to do to protect yourself.
  Set up your home so that you will know if someone approaches or comes in, ie install motion sensor lights, put bells around. Maybe even set up some traps.
  Also think about getting yourself a gun and learn how to use it. Dont think about using a weapon that he can easily wrestle out of your hands and use on you.
  Go and take some self defence classes so that you can kick the crap out of him if he comes near you.
  
  I really think that, by taking the power back to control your life, instead of him controlling it, you will feel more empowered, and stronger, and reduce some of the negative feelings you have. I hope this hasnt scared you off, but I believe planning is the key and you have it in you to not allow this guy to treat you this way.
  
  Good luck!!
  
  - written 2 years, 4 months ago – voted for by Pink Freud, FadingQuickly, Lirou

• (3 votes) I want to kill myself.
  

  Sounds like you need to set some goals for your life. Having your whole life ahead of you can be pretty daunting, rather than exciting. So it sounds like you have lost your way, that you dont know what you are here for and what you want to do.
  That comment you mentioned is pretty stupid - who cares if guys want you? Seriously, 18 year old guys would hump a wooden fence post.
  
  How about setting some goals and getting some balance into your life. Try this exercise. Draw a cross on a page, and then number each side from one to 10, eg:
  
  |1
  |2
  |3
  |4
  |5
  |6
  |7
  |8
  |9
  |10
  ———————————
  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
  |1
  |2
  |3
  |4
  |5
  |6
  |7
  |8
  |9
  |10
  
  Ok, this too me forever! Anyway, label each one as follows:
  
  Family
  Social Life
  Career
  Spirituality (this can mean anything, I am an athiest, so for me this means my own self empowerment and growth).
  
  Then rate each one on the scale as to where you think you are focusing more of your attention. 1 is the most attention and the most happy and satisfying, 10 is something you put no effort into and is an unsatisfying, unhappy part of your life. Put a dot on it.
  
  Then draw a circle around this, running through each of the dots.
  
  I am sure you will find that you don’t have a perfect circle. So obviously your life is out of balance, and you will only be happy if you can get that balance back.
  
  Start thinking about each of the four areas, and what goals you could set to improve them.
  
  For example, with your career you could think about working out what it is that you want to do, studying, talking to people in the field you want to get into, becoming a member of professional organisations, going to some speeches or workshops given by motivational people, etc.
  
  For family it could be starting/changing some traditions in your family such as a sunday roast or weekend drive (something to look forward to and to bring you closer together), you could also maybe think about becoming better friends with cousins you dont speak to anymore, or doing a regular event with a sibling.
  
  For social, it could be improving on the types of friends you have - finding people who are going to enrich your life and teach you new things, or it could be befriending someone in need (to feel like you are doing something useful - and its always good to focus on someone else’s problems sometimes - which is exactly what I am doing now!!). It could also be identifying friendships that are no good for you. It could mean joining a sporting club, finding a new hobby, etc
  
  For spiritual, it could mean doing some of the things I already mentioned, like finding a hobby, it could mean reading books that help to inspire you (although when you are deeply depressed you cant be bothered really), it could mean going to inspirational talks. It could mean trying something out that you have never tried before - go to a buddhist church or something completely out of the ordinary for you.
  
  NEXT BIT FOLLOWING - THIS WAS HIGHLIGHTED AS BEING TOO LONG!!
  
  - written 3 years, 1 month ago – voted for by [jack], Best of Luck!, Chunkymoves

• (2 votes) Which form of birth control feels most intimate for women?
  

  [quote BuckingFastard (J.N)][quote RaspberryUnicorn42]So are you saying don’t have sex, ever?[/quote]
  
  No, not at all, that would be a very non practical solution, i don’t think ppl ever really realise that every method fails sometimes, even using more than one method can still fail.[/quote]
  
  Even abstinence isnt 100% effective - isnt that how Jesus was born?
  
  - written 1 year, 4 months ago – voted for by Dragon_Lady, Noishe

• (2 votes) I’m in love with a married woman who also says she is in love with me?
  

  Having read through all this, and the responses, it seems to me that you are only wanting validation for your feelings and are not really prepared to take on good advice.
  
  You don’t know that her husband doesn’t give her love and affection, that is only what she told you. You mentioned that he needs her much more than she needs him, so there is a good reason for him forgiving her for the affairs. The fact is, you don’t know what they really talk about or what their relationship is really like. You are only hearing it from her side, and she is getting what she wants from you. I bet if you were to talk to him, he would probably think his marriage was wonderful and that they were happy!
  
  There are a hundred red flags popping up all over this, but the fact is that you will not see them because you are driven by your emotions. It doesn’t really matter what we say to you, because as I said, you are only looking for people to agree with you. You will ignore anything that goes against what you believe. You will just tell yourself that we don’t know her or how powerful your love is.
  
  As for not being the cheating type, that is ridiculous. You have both cheated. You are no different from any other cheater, everyone has their justification for doing it. The number of times I have seen/heard of people cheating, due to their partner apparently not being loving but they cant leave them for whatever reason, is out of this world. It is a cliche - you are a cliche. Accept it, and learn from it.
  
  Believe me, if she loved you and was so grossed out by physical contact with her husband that she vomited, there is no way she would still be with him. No way at all. You are being played, and you wont learn that from listening to us because you are dismissing it, you will learn it the hard way, after you have sacrificed everything and humiliated yourself.
  
  So I guess I will wish you all the best, and when you are looking for real help, please come back and let us know.
  
  - written 1 year, 4 months ago – voted for by Silverse, reason

Last 5 Replies – All 2,439 replies »

• Do god exists.
  

  [quote chev.jame]Well . . . then you have nothing to lose by answering the questions, right?
  
  You can answer them and then see if I am able to answer your question satisfactorily![/quote]
  
  I have no issue with answering your questions, as I said, so long as you answer mine first.
  - written 1 year, 4 months ago

• Do god exists.
  

  [quote chev.jame][quote emmylou2u]Chev, none of this answered or even responded to my question. Your claim was that if there was no religion then we would all act like animals and there would be anarchy. I advise that there is evidence that people who do not subscribe to a religion do wonderful things to help each other.
  
  I asked you how you account for that.[/quote]
  
  OK, let me ask you some questions . . .
  
  If there is no God, and no final accountability at the end of our lives, then why are we supporting those sick and the infirm–people who will NEVER get well–in hospitals and mental institutions? Wouldn’t it be a more efficient use of resources, and therefore more “logical,” to simply euthanize these people? It would save billions of dollars a year, and that money could be used to help healthy people stay well.
  
  And, secondly, if you were walking near a person you knew to be severely mentally retarded, and that person slipped and fell into the rapids below the sidewalk, would YOU jump in–at the risk of your own life–to save that person? Wouldn’t it be more “logical” for you, a person of higher intelligence, to live rather than a person of much lower intelligence? Woulnd’t it therefore be folly–most illogical–for a more productive member of society to risk his/her life to save a much less productive member of society?
  
  The answers you provide will help in formulating my answer to you![/quote]
  
  Chev, you don’t need more information from me in order to ‘formulate a response’ to my question. The problem is you cant answer it directly and honestly because you would then have to admit you are wrong. My personal opinion on the two things you have mentioned has nothing to do with the question, but it would give you a way to comment on something entirely different and avoid the question, and I am not going to give you that. I will, however, respond to them after this, as a courtesy.
  
  I fear you are deflecting from the question that I asked you because it is too diificult for you to give a straight answer without admitting you are wrong. And this is where the irrationality of your belief comes in - even when clearly wrong, you will fight against admitting it because it doesnt fit with your belief. And here, ladies and gentlemen, is where belief starts to get dangerous, particularly when people who do this are in positions of power.
  
  If you are an honest man, you have to admit that the answer to my question is that you cant account for those behaviours with your theory, and you are wrong. Otherwise, we just cant take anything you say seriously.
  - written 1 year, 4 months ago

• i did something really bad and now i feel like that
  

  I think you are making more of this than there is. Everyone was drinking, it was festive, we all get a little happy and affectionate at these times.
  
  If this guy tells your family, then he would be a massive jerk. So unless he is, I wouldnt worry about it.
  
  Can I suggest you be really brave and have a chat to him and just laugh it off with him - I suspect that while you are obsessing over it, he has forgotten about it.
  - written 1 year, 4 months ago

• Facing myself - the play, the musical, the craziness
  

  Chunky, wow. I agree with Grim, its very interesting and insightful. I am not sure about you, but my mother (who was raised beautifully) thinks that when people become adults, they have a choice as to whether they remain victims of the way the were raised, or to choose to move on with your life and not let it rule your life or whatever. And the issue is that this is far too simplistic a view. When you have not been given choices as a child and instead are controlled and dominated, it makes it very difficult to make healthy choices for yourself when you are an adult. In addition, that just absolves parents of the guilt of dealing with what they have done to you and not taking on responsibility for how you turned out as an adult.
  
  Yes, you have to take responsibility for yourself as an adult, but at 35 I am still dealing with what my parents did to me and it has absolutely affected my own parenting and relationships with men.
  
  Anyway, lots more to say but watching a movie at the moment - will be back!
  - written 1 year, 4 months ago

• Do god exists.
  

  [quote chev.jame][quote emmylou2u]Chev, if I may direct you again to my question:
  
  [quote emmylou2u]Chev, I could claim the exact opposite to lolzy and we would just be going around in circles.
  
  If your claim is correct, how do you account for the FACT that Dragon and I and countless others who do not subscribe to the Christian religion are on a HELP site, of all things? How do you account for the FACT that I and others who do not subscribe to the Christian faith donate time, money and other resources to helping people? How do you account for the FACT that there are so many non-secular charities and aid organisations around the world?
  
  What you are saying is, in reality, a bold faced lie of the grossest proportions and I am outraged at your insinuations.[/quote]
  
  I understand what you believe, but the reality is the opposite to what you claim.[/quote]
  
  For you to say something in such absolute terms would require either (1) divine knowledge, or (2) for you to be a deity. Don’t you see that? When an atheist says there is no God, he/she is essentially saying, “I am God!” You cannot KNOW unless you receive divine revelation (hard to imagine God telling someone He doesn’t exist) or YOU would have to be a God.
  
  Once again, the folly of human reason is demonstrated when it comes to knowing God–the ultimate noumenon, the ultimate unknowable.
  
  Now, let me give you a simple example. Suppose you are a director of Mensa. And suppose that an alien being lands on earth and the government wants you to determine the being’s IQ. Let’s say you have an IQ of 180. But you already suspect that the alien’s IQ is several thousand times yours, if not more.
  
  How do YOU, with an IQ of 180, develop an IQ test for a being who could have an IQ of 180,000 or more? You could write questions and think you have the “logical” answer, but the more intelligent being could see a possibility that YOU didn’t, and choose another answer.
  
  Can a being with lesser intelligence devise an IQ test for a being of higher intelligence and that test be valid?[/quote]
  
  Chev, none of this answered or even responded to my question. Your claim was that if there was no religion then we would all act like animals and there would be anarchy. I advise that there is evidence that people who do not subscribe to a religion do wonderful things to help each other.
  
  I asked you how you account for that.
  - written 1 year, 4 months ago

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