crystalsandsand's reply history at Help.com

well if you’re not good at it it may not have the effect you want. You could just try being honest in it and maybe look up a bunch of love poems to get ideas for similes etc.
But it would be just as nice to do something else romantic. Try to make it spontaneous and personal. Buying someone flowers is kinda lazy. Just taking her out to dinner is a bit boring. Think back on things and places she’s said she liked and try to use them to think of something.

You don’t know how you’d be. It’s easy to say that now that you have seen it from the outside but if you could coast through your life without having to show any kind of talent or intelligence then you might just decide you liked it that way.

You can always try to improve your appearance. Wear nice clothes, some make up, do your hair. But all I can say is there’s no point just thinking about wanting to be better looking. It’s better to think that you could be much worse and to be happy with what you see. If a guy’s right for you he’ll like you anyway.
If he doesn’t then he’s not worth it.

Don’t go after her friend to get to her that’s horrible. And you may totally mess up your chances if her friend falls for you because then the girl you like isn’t gonna want to hurt her by being with you.
You could tell her how you feel and hope next time she chooses you, or you could hang out with two of them to get to know the friend but then tell her you’re not interested and that you’d like to be friends.
But trust me when I say not to go near her friend that could backfire horribly if you want her that badly.

Attractive people aren’t much happier..
How d’you think they’d feel if they realised he just thought they were hot and didn’t care about them? How do you think they’d feel if they realised people do this all the time to them and that if something happened to them they would have nothing. I read about a beauty pagent winner who was kinda stupid and didn’t have much talent, but she was so pretty no one cared. Then she got so obsessed with plastic surgery she destroyed her face and became disfigured.
Now what does she have?
You’re probably not bad to look at. Just because you’re not a supermodel doesn’t mean that you’re not pretty and that someone won’t realise that.
Looks fade, intelligence and personality just improve.
Try not to let it bother you, I know it’s easy for it to happen with attractive people plastered everywhere but being that extra bit more so doesn’t make you any more likely to be happy. Pretty people probably just take it for granted anyway and so spend their time worrying about other things.

people starting smoking or drugs? (ignoring bad effects on health)
people getting involved in cults?
I know there is a few famous psychological studies on this but I can’t think of the name. One involved a test where they put four people in a room to answer simple logical questions. Three of the four people were actually planted as part of the experiment only one was unaware. The three other people would often pick the logically wrong answer, the other people who they brought in to be the fourth would very often pick the answer that was popular even if they normally would believe it was wrong. Don’t know if that helps much but it was an interesting study.

Oh also Darwin’s study when first released was taken very badly. Some people didn’t want to believe they had evolved from apes, but some people did believe it, the theory made a lot of sense, they just might not have said it.
Maybe a police officer who notices something about a case that would imply the suspect arrested was the wrong person but they assume others would have thought of it already and say nothing.
There are lots of examples..

People who like empty headed hot women are hiding some issue. An emotionally healthy person wants to connect to people on an intellectual level as well.

Maybe he thinks they’re easy to get along with cause they don’t have any issues, they don’t make him think about anything deep, and they’re nice to look at.
Maybe he has baggage since you went out with him and he’s decided he’s gonna be selfish and not care that much about women’s feelings or thoughts, so he’d rather have someone empty headed who doesn’t think deep enough that he is forced to think as well. He can just focus on him.

Well if you really care about it you should know she needs help. If she’s acting this way towards you then she’s blaming her problems on you, which means it’s not actually doing her any good to be around you either. The only way she can stop is if you take some time away so she can realise what’s really going on. You don’t have to have her arrested if you just take some time away from her.

If there’s no where you can go that’s better then all you can do is tell someone. You’re not helping her by doing nothing about it. It needs to be confronted.

[quote Anonymous][quote bibliofiend4]sorry, honey, but you have to step up and be the adult. don’t make excuses for her… she needs to learn how to deal with life in a healthy way. verbally abusing you isn’t acceptable.[/quote]

But what if its because I was bad? I give her attitude sometimes and that makes her angry too. Shouldn’t I be punished?[/quote]

Seriously the roles have been reversed here, you’re worrying about her more than she’s worrying about you and she’s the parent here.
She should be taking care of you.
She should not be hurting you and hurting you to relieve her stress. You’re not a punching bag, you’re her child.

Don’t hate life. Don’t think about it anymore, just go to a bar then and get drunk. I stick by what I said being the best method but if you’re just gonna get demoralised before even trying then just go out and go to a singles bar. Stop thinking so much about it.

One really good reason for it being someone you’re comfortable with is that if you’re bad, and considering most 40 year olds will have more experience than you you probably will be to the person you’re with, you need it to be with someone who won’t give up on you too quickly and will be willing to show you the ropes a bit.

[quote Anonymous]
yeah, my dad got really depressed in the past few years and got into drugs… then committed suicide in March… I’m sure that made it worse[/quote]

Well.. it’s hard to know exactly what you should do but if there’s someone else you can stay with for a while I would. This is not fair on you. Try get your mother to get some help, if she refuses you could tell her you’ll leave if she doesn’t. If she doesn’t anyway then leave and hope that distance will give her perspective and make her realise what she was doing.

The problem with being a virgin is you have had way too long to think about it. But it’s more about doing than thinking. I would advise finding someone forgiving who liked you enough to not care that much if you’re bad at the start. You’ll get into it soon enough though.
Just remember the best way to be good in bed is to actually care about what the other person likes, find it out, then remember it.

There really is nothing. All the decent youth clubs you have to be going to the college to join.
There’s really not a lot I can do except try to be happy with myself and get through the next few months. Then hopefully in college things will change.

That’s defintely abuse.
Why do you think it only started in recent years?
My mom was always a bit moody, then her sister died and she got so angry she used to scream at me and insult me all the time. She even jumped on me and attacked me once, started punching me in the head and pulling my hair.. but she got some psychological help and she doesn’t do that anymore.
Has anything like this happened to her?

[quote Cloud Nine]Like my great grandfather used to say all i need is a piece of rye bread and some shnapps.[/quote]

I’m stealing that quote.. it’s a great one!