dreamwithinadream's profile at Help.com

User Involvement

Last 5 Posts Authored

• I thought I was doing better. posted (1 week, 5 days) ago
  My whole life I have had difficult experiences with dating, intimacy, and relationships. For many …

• Is the saying really true — if you love someone, set them free? posted (12 months) ago
  …

• Is it possible for a man and a woman to just be friends? posted (1 year, 2 months) ago
  What if they are both straight? And both in a committed relationship with someone else? What…

• I’m a first year high school teacher… posted (1 year, 6 months) ago
  and I want to know how I can better establish a strong and positive classroom culture. I am young,…

• What if I never fall in love? posted (2 years) ago
  I am 24 years old and I have never been in love. I have dated a number of guys, but always end th…

• All Claimed Posts »

Last 5 Replies – All 13 replies »

• I thought I was doing better.
  

  Thank you so much for your very thoughtful response. It truly helped me gain perspective and feel hopeful again.
  
  You are right. Thank you thank you thank you.
  - written 5 days, 2 hours ago

• So I’m going out with this girl for the first time and we were planning to see a movie together.
  

  I think she means it will be an opportunity for your to “protect her” by putting your arm around her and comforting her, and she’s hoping that’s something that you want (and also clearly something she wouldn’t mind).
  - written 5 months, 1 week ago

• Life Management Help Please.
  

  Of course!
  
  I can definitely understand your concern with sharing your intimate details with a stranger. I might suggest doing what I did — a first visit that is shorter just to get a sense of the person (you might even be able to do it over the phone). And you build up that intimacy with someone if the connection is right — you certainly don’t have to start with anything other than what you said here, and slowly build up trust and a repertoire.
  
  In terms of cost, also a concern — but a lot of places take health insurance, and also have a sliding scale (as a teacher I make a lot less money than her other clients, so she charges me less).
  
  No matter what, I have faith that you will find the strength to work through this reflectively and live the life you deserve to live!
  
  All the best
  - written 9 months, 2 weeks ago

• Life Management Help Please.
  

  It sounds like you were able to make a dramatic change from depression into active life — but without the reflection and support about why you were in that state of depression. As a result, it is always a place that you can fall back into if something changes in your life, or even for unclear or unexplained reasons.
  
  Please don’t think that therapy is just for people who yell and scream. Therapy can be incredibly useful for anybody who is working on themselves to change their life for the better. I’m in therapy as a first year teacher working with students with socio-emotional issues because I know that I need to have my own emotions and triggers in check to be able to support them effectively.
  
  Although medication can often help (my sister suffers from bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder, and her meds help her to be the person she really is), there are plenty of therapists (not psychiatrists whose jobs involve diagnosing and prescribing medicine) who are willing to work with their clients needs and respect their wishes to find alternate routes. I might not suggest returning the place you went to — but have you thought of finding a private practice (not one attached to a clinic or mental health ward) or an alternative therapist? I would highly recommend it so that you can really work through your demons, rather than relying on the possibility that you will be able to “snap out of it” again.
  
  It is clear that you are a strong person who has the will and capability to do amazing things — please don’t let this illness get in the way!
  - written 9 months, 2 weeks ago

• I’m scared of my best friend…
  

  Hm…well it is worth looking into more deeply. I don’t want to ask any more details about your rape, but if the person who raped you was someone in your life who you trusted, it may be that you are subconsciously afraid that it will happen again, since you clearly trust and care for your friend, and that feeling of trust can be scary if you’ve had it broken so completely before.
  
  Alternatively, you may be thinking that you are not worth the true care of a male, or any kind of platonic care from a male, and that all of the love your friend is showing you is somehow coming from a perverse place where he wants more from you than friendship.
  
  It’s also possible that you feel guilty about your closeness with your friend (in some ways closer to him than you are to your boyfriend, which in reality is not a problem at all, different people provide different things to our life), and that guilt translates into the guilt you may have felt about the rape.
  
  All of these are legitimate feelings, and obviously just speculation on my part since I don’t know you or the situation very well (only you know for certain), but I do believe that looking into how your subconscious is responding to your relationships can provide insight into your deeper feelings about it.
  
  I just want to mention that it took me three different therapists (one as a little girl, one in college, and one now) to find the right fit — the first two were perfectly lovely people but totally useless for me. I wouldn’t give up on therapy after one try, there are so many different kinds and types of people. It is clear that the rape is still affecting you deeply and your important relationships, and you deserve to have it cleared so you can take ownership over your life.
  - written 11 months, 2 weeks ago

dreamwithinadream's conversations are tagged:

friends, scared, Person, Wrong, Wanted, relationship, Hard, Love, work, Great, Structure, best friend, lost interest, Find, lot, Authority, Ever since, life management, night, learning, Deep Down, first time, Parent, Something More, Positive