though apparently quite optimist, i am greatly pessimist at heart. i ve seen so many sufferings that i dislike to cherish any hope for my own. to ordinary people, however, i give the message of hope and struggle. i love to read and listen about sorrows and desperation. i think it makes my understanding more and more better. i point out the negative sides with great attention and care. i feel it may help some one decide some thing important. inwardly i ve become avert to happiness. so i like to see the dark sides of things, and enjoy sad passions. the brokenness, gloom, twilight, autumn etc. are the words that i take shelter under.
personally, i am greatly imaginative and visionary in my mind. i dislike to describe and discuss things in plain and simple words. i abhor the openness of mind, and call it an utter nudity. but for other i feel to be open and communicative is more helpful. so i advise them to become so.
as a whole i like beauty in all its forms. i like innocence above all. i like sad beauty. i like the women who are beautiful but broken. i dislike the women who are non serious, frail, fragile, funny or any thing of that sort. i like the women who are sorrowful and sexless. i dislike the women who show any appeal for sex, or who themselves desire for sex. i like the women who are intelligent. i like the women who know how to care others, and i like those who do not urge men to involve in fights and competitions. i like the women who dont love life. i like the women who are sad and serious. i like the women who are deep and quiet. i like the women who are poor but beautiful and intelligent. i like the women who have undergone great tragedies, setbacks, losses, devastation etc in their lives. i like the women who are passing away their lives simply and quietly. i dislike the women who want to take part in social activities. i abhor the women who are childish and fickle.
in the sorrows and sufferings of society, these are merely preferences. i dont feel i should do otherwise.
i like the poor, helpless and desperate people. i dislike the rich and wealthy so that i could save my time from meeting them. i dislike to be an employee of some one, because there are more noble ways to serve others. i like to be a master of my own.
i dislike marriages and ceremonies. they make me forget the sufferings of others. i like lonely visits to deserted places, old temples, and forgotten graveyards. like to read the grave stones of young men and women. if ever i come across some parents i try to listen from them the sorrows of their bereaved ones.
i dislike life spent in making marry, and like death. most of the time i try to imagine if i am near to die, i shall take bath, wear best clothes, say good bye to all those who are around me. i feel curious to go the the next world. i feel as curious as i am going to visit some new city. most of the time i wish i could die and solve some complexities that disturb so much. i dont like happiness and the happy ones. i love the people who are sad. i like those who are ready to face great sorrows.
i am utterly sincere, and dangerously truthful. i feel that sorrows and tragedies have made me a better man. i find that the people who are joyous, or those who seek enjoyment all the times, are liars, crooked, cheating, etc. i dislike them all. i feel happiness is a satanic passion. i feel sadness is something that is divine. i feel fun and funny people abhorring. i feel my heart nauseating to look at a happy men/women.
i received some remarks from some people on the above part of my profile. …… i know i did not write a bit of what i have in mind as a whole. they say, and i know they feel, that i am fragile, weak and coward, and that i lack courage, and that i am missing an essential part of personality i.e. confidence. ….. i hear and read them and smile…some times laugh…. and some times get irritated. why dont they see deeper…..
if i dislike happiness and richness, it does not mean that i am against them and i am ready to insult them…….i dislike means i dont prefer them. if i am to meet some one out of two, one is rich and the other poor, i will prefer to meet the poor….. if i am to give my favour to one of the two, one is broken and the other confident….i would certainly give it to the broken……
i know in my life, i ve tried to stand by the weak, the oppressed, the broken….i ve always discouraged the strong, confident etc who stands against the weaker one…..in my company i ve always tried to give complete attention and chance to the poor ones…… i ve always tried to give them jobs……some times even when i do not need them….. i ve tried to support them in every way…… a number of times when some body begs me for some money…..and i ve not sufficient to give and fulfill his needs, i ve tried to beg others at his behalf…..just to save his/her ego…..and collect some money …..for him/her……i ve never cared about my own honor and respect…..
i feel i need not justify my behaviour….. but i just want to say that people mostly dont see in the depths…..what i ve written in the above part of the profile is but a proof of my courage…..i ve written the second part just to make people understand that there are always more than one way to understand things…….i want to say that dont consider brokenness and sorrow a kind of trash……they are valuable treasures…..we can build up good life on them…..happiness and love is nothing…..or at least they are not every thing…….
What is the highest level of education you have attained?
What subjects did/do you enjoy the most at school?
What hobbies are you into?