Well if she really is just like you then try to gauge everything by how you would react to it. I dated a girl like that once and it worked wonders when I applied that method. Next you really need to sit down and look at your past relationships. See where it was you wrnt wrong and don’t repeat. We often are the cause to our own demise. Insecurity rubs off. When dating women they fuel off of oir confidence (stereotyping here). If they have doubts but you press forward with an iron resolve then they will feel comfort in that and value the comfort more than their own doubts. If you spend all your time waiting on them, asking people for advice, always thinking the worst outcome will happen, and doubting yourself then it won’t work. If you have doubts then so will she and next thing you know she’s moved on to someone who makes them feel safe.
I can’t stress enough how important it is to make a woman feel safe. That’s typically why they go for bad boys because they felt safe being with someone tough initially. However projecting a real sense of security to someone comea from truly trusting in yourself. A good example is a girl I was good friends with for years. I was in the friend zone bad and she had a boyfriend ontop of it. I wasn’t trying to change things at this point either, I liked her friendship and was content with that. However she had come over to my place late one night after being upset about a few things and we talked as always. I don’t know exactly why this time was different but the next day she confessed her sudden change of heart. She claimed she just felt warm and safe when I was holding her and it made her want to date me.
Believe me I struggle with this as much as the next guy. We all resort to games, chasing, head games, etc. Don’t do that. Be real, be yourself, and truly trust in your own intuition. Really all you can control is yourself. In the end if she doesn’t like you then oh well. It sucks but it’s life man. Best of luck! I hope this one works out for you :)
2013-03-16 14:28:06 on Does he like me?
Does he like you? That’s hard to say considering you act completely uninterested in him. He is definitely interested though and is trying to get to know you. Be a little more reciprocating if you want to see where it goes.
2012-10-11 19:45:37 on Goodbye forever…?
That should have been the game plan from the beginning. You may have waited too long. If you can’t handle being her friend, tell her so. Be honest, but not pushy, about how you feel. Then walk away and never look back. If she’s in love with her ex then you can’t get in the way, even if she still has feelings for you. Based on what you said though, it seems like she hasn’t displayed any interest in you. There’s no magic way to get what you want. It’s possible, but unlikely. Just make sure you speak from your heart so it’s genuine.
Life is not like the movies. As much as I (and everyone else) wants their fairy tale ending, and to fight for the girl they love, it doesn’t happen. Most of the time the guy gets labeled a stalker, or gets permanently stuck in the friend zone. While in the mean time the girl runs off with a “bad boy” who they are never really happy with, but never leave.
2012-10-11 15:47:44 on Today was my birthday, and one of my friends didnt
Your friend could have forgot. Heck I know I’m terrible at remembering names, bdays, anniversaries, you name it. If it weren’t for facebook I’d be f**ked.
2012-10-11 15:42:53 on what does this emoticon mean?
2012-10-06 13:34:03 on is there a reason my eyebrows don’t extend…they’ve
That’s just genetics. Some people have a uni brow, or really thick eye brows. It’s just how it is.
2012-09-22 23:56:46 on What do guys see in other girls that they don’t see in me?
Knowing absolutely nothing about you I can take a gamble. Guys look for cues to see if a girl is interested before they talk to them because no one likes being rejected. If I had to guess, by now, you expect to not be noticed and I would bet your demeanor shows this. When you’re out with your friends are you loud, outgoing, and look like you’re having fun, or do you tend to be more reserved and quiet? You also said you never return eye contact either. So yes, you basically have “don’t talk to me” stamped on your forehead. Attracting also plays a big role. How do you usually look when you go out? Its important to look like you want to have a good time, and that you take care of yourself.
You want to be approached? Act approachable. Smile often, laugh a lot, take the initaitce when you’re out, look like you’re leading a conversation, etc. When you smile do it slowly, not a quick smile them frown again. This makes your smile appear more warming and inviting as well. If a guy looks at you, hold it for a second then look away quickly. Then give him a second quick look and blush. Its not as hard as holding a glance, which can be creepy or intimidating, but its a lot better than looking at your feet the whole time.
2012-09-22 17:10:28 on I need some advice from people that know or have been through the same thing.
Unfortunately, anon is right. You’re being blinded by your fear of being single again and the thought of wasting away the last two years. He wouldn’t be the last person that made you feel in such a way, I can guarantee that.
I understand the way you feel right now, and I know how hard it is to deal with. But you need to take a step back and reevaluate the situation and determine if you are really willing to put up with all of this. Issues like his go very deep and are not often times able to be fixed. If anything, they only get worse. This is because he has picked up on a certain habit to dealing with certain kinds of emotions for reasons he will not know without professional help. Maybe his dad abused his mother, or he was physically abused himself, who knows. Bottom line though, odds are that he won’t change without professional guidance, and years of it.
You also need to look at yourself here. For similar reasons you keep going back to a clearly abusive relationship. I’m about to step out of line here and go with the guess of having father issues. Not necessarily abuse, but perhaps you felt neglected by your father? Now as a result, that sort of feeling is what you feel as comfortable. Anything apart from that is scary, despite it being better.
I could be completely wrong, in which case I do apologize. My goal is not to attack but simply to try to help you relate and understand where I’m coming from with your boyfriend. Everyone learns how to handle something through experience and association. Behaviors we witness when we are younger to displays of love, affection, stress, anger, etc. become embedded and manifest as we get older. Without proper guidance of any form, those behaviors take root. As a result, those behaviors become our permanent way of handling things. The older someone gets, the harder it is to change that. A women who was neglected by her father, or lacking of a father all together, typically finds herself drawn to abusive relationships. Society has taught her that this is wrong, but she continues to go back. This is because, despite it making her feel upset, it’s all she was ever used to and finds it comfortable. A man who is abusive, on the other hand, is often times that way because he was abused himself. He will tell himself over and over how he will never do that to his own kids or wife but most of the time the cycle repeats. In the same way, this is because that abusive behavior is all the man truly knows when he has nothing to fall back on. It’s because acting in this fashion is comfortable.
Now those are both stereotype examples as it can happen both ways to either sex. Abuse can also manifest itself in many, many forms. People who cheat and can’t stop, or are addicted to drugs, sex, or lack the ability to care in general for example. Also people who run away from attachment, or cling to attachment heavily. It’s all in the same boat. Unfortunately, a lot of these actions can be diagnosed in the “borderline personality disorder” pile, which is often overlooked itself. That leads to false diagnoses of bipolar, schizophrenia, etc. but that’s not something I’m going to get into.
Basically, it’s all something that needs to be addressed by a trained professional. Or in the VERY rare occasion that a person is harmed physically or emotionally by such a behavior that they gain the motivation to look deep inside themselves. At which point they then try to fix the problem on their own, but even then would benefit heavily from professional guidance.
Everyone has these feelings of association. The difference is when staying in that comfort zone causes a lot of abuse and pain to others or themselves (all this excluding the mental illness category). I hope all of this helps, and I wish you the best of luck in the path you choose to take!
2012-09-22 16:17:35 on I’m really sad right now.
Most programs have a “open recent” (name could vary) option in one of the drop down menus like open, save, save as, etc.
Follow Linuxya’s advice otherwise. Try to re-open the attachment and see if the changes you made still remain.
Stop trying to shove down his throat that it’s over, that’s not necessarily true. However, dba703 is giving you the proper advice.
You already know it was you being clingy that had her propose the break. I can also safely assume that you probably weren’t handling your court situation very well. Both of these are huge turn offs to women. They want a man who is strong and supportive, not clingy and desperate in the face of stress. This is basically a test that’s either intentionally being given or not, but it really doesn’t make a difference. You haven’t done yourself any good either with how you’ve been handling it. You haven’t pushed her away like most guys do, which is good, but you haven’t shown any progress. Words are only words and hold absolutely no value without any display of action to follow. You’re constant need to want to talk about things is understandable, but it’s only hurting you. If she wanted to sort it out in that fashion, she would make time, and would have never proposed the break in the first place. Talking things over really isn’t important, believe it or not. What is important is how you handle things from this very point forward.
You basically need to reshape the image she has of you. This party is a perfect opportunity to do just that, so go to it. When you are there, have a good time, and don’t fake it. Don’t try to make her jealous though as this will only set you back (even if it does work). If you see her go up and talk to her. She wants to see that you’ve become independent and can handle stress. Now what’s more stressful than an awkward encounter between two exes? That being said, she is going to let you lead this encounter. If you feel uncomfortable and edgy then so will she. If you feel relaxed, calm, and as if you are enjoying her company - then that will also translate over. Let her lead the actual conversation though. Only take it where she does. So don’t bring up the issue unless she does but continue to let her lead it. Don’t take it and run with it, just basically respond when you need to. Odds are that she won’t anyways so I wouldn’t worry. This is what she is expecting you to do and that’s not in a good way. Don’t over stay your welcome either. If you get the feeling she doesn’t want to talk anymore move on. Don’t let her be the one to end the conversation. This will let you continue to set the mood instead of letting things fall through and have it end on a bad note. Go back to enjoying yourself as soon as it’s over too. Don’t act mopey, or eager to talk to her again.
Assuming all goes well, don’t expect her to reach out to you right away. She’ll wait as this is what she expects you to do, and also because she will be confused. She has this image of you, currently, that is being associated with negativity. Acting in this way will hopefully make all those suppressed and happy feelings resurface to follow this new image you are now trying to give her. This is also why you don’t want to push the issue (it’s associated with negative feelings). She will bring up the issue when she’s ready, and only then.
In the meantime (still assuming it all went well) try to take your mind off of things and really work on yourself. Wait about a week or two with ZERO contact initiated by you. If she asks to meet up and less than a week has passed, turn her down. You won’t miss your chance if you do and will continue to strengthen that new image of independence you have. If she really wants to, again, she will ask you again. If, however, a couple weeks go by and she hasn’t said anything, give her a call. Remember to keep it playful and comfortable for her, and ask her to hang out. Take her somewhere she can have fun, and keep it fun. Act how I said to act at the party because she won’t necessarily be fully convinced.
These things take time to fix properly. No one’s mind is ever fully made up. With the proper leverage applied in the right spot, anything can bend. The reason why these situations never work out is because the people involved try to fix a broken relationship instead of the real issue, being themselves. You have a work crew build you a house and it falls apart because it was built poorly. You take the same crew to try and fix the already poor foundation and the problem will only repeat itself. As with a relationship. If the people work out their issues and end up starting a new then they can build a new, stronger, and proper relationship. I apologize for the length of this but I hope it helps you. Best of luck with your girl!
2012-09-21 16:56:38 on How many..
There’s only one way to find out ;)
2012-09-21 13:00:02 on What is love?
I couldn’t answer that question. The optimist inside me wants to say yes but the realist is saying no.
2012-09-21 12:54:37 on What is love?
That “feeling” is infatuation. Love is hard to describe because when you are really in love you just know. Getting that warm feeling in your chest when you think about being with them, having an unwavering focus to keep things strong, etc. All I know is that the real thing is rare, and can only be experienced. I thought I was in love countless times when I never really was. I cared about the person, but when I actually felt it I knew the rest wasn’t the same. The irony being that I was never with that person I fell in love with. Its partially true when they say you don’t pick when, and its never at the appropriate time.
2012-08-27 12:24:03 on i am breaking out on my skin again and I don’t know why:( I am 19.
Hormones, it happens. You just need to stay clean and make sure your skin stays hydrated. Over dry skin or dirty skin will cause breakouts.
2012-08-27 12:22:03 on Something’s been bugging me about this guy..
Just go and talk to him. The comfort will form naturally.