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czarina's Top (5) Replies by other users' votes

• (2 votes) Does anyone know how to get back your confidence?
  

  I would do this: Make two lists!!
  
  List ONE: Things that are good about you. Any positive feedback anyone gave you. Anything you know makes you feel good about you, any of your achievements, accomplishments. List everything you are capable of as well.
  
  List TWO: Things that make you feel not happy about you. Anything you dont like. Anything you want to make better.
  
  Read List ONE EVERYDAY and remind yourself of HOW WONDERFUL you are or have been and hence can be. Constant reinforcement and reminding goes a long way in moments when you are not feeling so confident.
  
  Also try and apply in real life and practically whatever you can, from List ONE.
  
  Work on List TWO one by one. Pick out the things that are easiest to change. Make a set of doable goals. List out what help or resources you need to achieve those goals and try and move those items from List TWO to List ONE. The easier items will increase your numbers in List ONE and go a long way in making you feel good about you.
  
  Confidence comes from having a realistic understanding of your strengths / what you are capable of as well as of your limitations, and applying them well.
  
  Smile!! ALL of us have wonderful things about us. I hope you enjoy your journey of self discovery and self introspection. That is where I would begin if i were you. And you will find new guidance along the way. Just start moving, take the first step my friend.
  
  I wish you well. You know how to reach me if you need more help :)
  
  - written 2 years, 2 months ago – voted for by DarkSnow, darkscorpia

• (2 votes) ….
  

  Didier hun, all the right things have been said already, but thank you for the invite! I will share with you an old folktale:
  
  A long, long time ago, a man just purchased a lovely, healthy, well bred young stallion and was leading it home tired after a long day and he passed through a forest. 5 thieves decided to trick him. As the man stopped to by a stream to drink water, a man came made a disgusted face and remarked: “Ugh thats a an ugly, sickly, disease infested, horrible smelling mule you are carrying mate.” Our man got very offended and just walked away in a huff!
  
  After some paces, he paused to rest. Again another man came and made a disgusted face and remarked: “Ugh thats a an ugly, sickly, disease infested, horrible smelling mule you are carrying o traveller.”. Our man was really shocked. He looked at his shining horse and told off the man: What is wrong with you? can you really not see that this aint no mule! The stranger looked at our man from head to toe and started laughing - “Have you never seen what a horse looks like and who has fooled you and put a spell on you!!” Our man just walked away….
  
  IN some time, another stranger passed him by, made a disgusted face and remarked: “Ugh thats a an ugly, sickly, disease infested, horrible smelling mule you are carrying! This one is ready for the knacker!” Now our man was annoyed and upset and again told the stranger that this was a wonderful horse he just bought that day itself at a great price too! The stranger laughed in his face and told our man that he had been fooled into the greatest trick ever! Our man was confused and depressed but he walked on, a bit more slowly though!
  
  Well, and sure enough after a few more paces, the same event happened again, and by the 5th time, our man was so confused and tired and depressed, he almost went insane and just decided to leave the horse alone and walked away……..while the 5 theives laughed their lungs out!!!!!
  
  Yes, we need not listen to every crappy observation people make. If enough number of people make it and we listen, we may start beliving the lies and lose faith in the truth. You may listen to everyone, but just have faith in your own choices Didier and make up your mind for ‘yourself’, always. :o) This site IS great!
  
  - written 2 years, 6 months ago – voted for by babacup, belteshazzar294

• (2 votes) I m a hindu girl, i fell in love with a muslim guy.
  

  Love is not about control. Its about respect, and setting you free and making you happy and proud of ‘who you are’. Its about having your back, always, in all ways. Its about bringing fulfillment, not taking it away.
  
  If he does not respect your family members and wants you to sever ties with your mom, I seriously doubt if you are making the right choice being with him. Religion has nothing to do with all this somehow. If at all, its probably a litmus test. If your love fails here, imagine what your whole life would be be like? I know you are a sensible girl, and will make the right choice. Sometimes there’s a greater love destined for us and we dont even know :)
  
  - written 2 years, 6 months ago – voted for by korwinn, IrAdler

• (2 votes) Why do people lie to the ones they love the most?
  

  Its because truth is powerful. It has consequences sometimes. It can lead to hurt, pain, shame, embarassment. Among other things - not all pleasent.
  
  With strangers, we think have no bonds - none that we can immediately feel or value anyway. So, we dont really care for those consequences to happen.
  
  But those we love. Thats another story altogether! We care for those who we love. We care for the bonds we share with the ones we love. We are insecure for the safety and well being of those bonds. We dont want those bonds to be damaged.
  
  So we say well i dont want to hurt the one i love, or cause any of the unpleasent consequences truth might have. I want to protect the one i love.
  
  Lying is convenient. It, at least temporarily saves us from those unpleasent truth-consequences. So, we lie. To the ones we love, the most.
  
  Unfortunately, a lot of us fail to realize just that. That truth is powerful. It has a way of emerging. And lying, no matter how convenient, is short lived, and temporary. And we also forget that true love is powerful too. Powerful enough to withstand the consequences of truth :) But love is also vulnerable, and lying really really hurts it. So i guess if we knew better, we’d not lie to the ones we love. :):)
  
  - written 2 years, 7 months ago – voted for by DarkSnow, Kitten_Ciao

• (2 votes) should your problem or opinion be given any value or honor, when you are not giving them your identity, and are posting them anonymously.
  

  IMHO, I think it is the problem or the opinin that really has value, and not so much your identity. There can be a zillion reasons why a solution - seeker or an opinion-provider may want to post their problems and opinions, respectively, Anon. Its impossible to list all the reasons, but at times, people may feel shy, embarassed, vulnerable, feeling plain blue, or just may want to avoid a confrontation, prejudice or conflict, or may have any other legit reason.
  
  Moreover, there is no sanctity in a name or identity in any case. I could be anyone, and i could post a problem/opinion saying my identity is ‘abc’ and a picture of the sky. Who’s to establish the veracity of identities here, even for those who do declare one. What difference does the identity make?
  
  Absence of so called identity is certainly no reason (and hardly seems fair) to assume the anon post is a lie. And for the sake of assumption or argument, even if the person making a post is a bit coward, so what? Do cowards not need help or they dont deserve respect, if their problem or opinion, is otherwise legit or valuable?
  
  - written 2 years, 7 months ago – voted for by FiestyPrettyGirlL0st, ▲

Last 5 Replies – All 306 replies »

• So I’m kind of depressed because I’ve realized I don’t have any “real” friends.
  

  [quote Anonymous]As you get older, you find out what” real” friends are and sometimes, you realize you don’t have that many” real” friends when others have many….I think it depends on the person and what they consider a real friend. There are friends to go out and do thibgs with, friends that you work with but don’t socialize with outside work, then there are good life ling friends that you may not talk or hand with except for a few times a year. Then there are the friends that you confide everything to and I, myself, find those to be few. They are the ones you tell all your fears to and the ones that have your back when you need them. That’s what friends are. You just have to remember that you have a life and so do your friends so, being home n vegging in front of the tv doesn’t mean a thing. Enjoy it.[/quote]
  
  I just loved that reply. So hey Annon, or anyone else, if you need a friend, im around :)
  - written 1 year, 9 months ago

• I have been out of touch with my friends for a very long time due to a whole lot of problems.
  

  I can tell you that I’ve been in your shoes. And trust me, I know it sucks. But you know what the good news is. . . this wont last. Just start over. Of all your old friends, start making phone calls to ones you were relatively closer to. Just say “Hey hows you, checking on how things are with you.” Try just make light conversation and start to get to know em all over again?
  
  And well you do always keep getting new people in life, at school/workplace/wherever you are or live. If not, try a new activity where you will meet people - join a gym, or just go for a walk to the park! Theres people everywhere! They dont know your past and dont judge you! So just remain friendly and happy! If you are happy, you will automatically send out positive vibes that attract people to you! :) Believe and have faith in your heart that you are amazing and valuable, and things WILL get okay again! And voila! Like magic, they will. :)
  
  I hope that helps, and feel free to shout me if you need a friend! Cheers xx
  - written 1 year, 11 months ago

• I’m a horribly jealous person.
  

  jealousy often stems from insecurity. So u need to identify and address what you are truly insecure about. Its a difficult ptocess but if u are honestly committed to facing the facts and truth, its very doable, and very rewarding.
  
  Plus, remember that sometimes what we think about comes true!!! In a way we attract what happens to us. So if u keep thinking that he is fancying someone else, he might!! This should discourage you. Just think that he loves u and u alone and everytime u get those insecure thoughts, remind urself that if u think about it, u may cause it to happen…ur mind will fight to push them away!! Wish you the very best hun xx
  - written 1 year, 11 months ago

• Been feeling a bit down recently and then started on a new medication (not for depression - not on any meds for depression) and felt even worse.
  

  awww this is sad. I’m so sorry this sucks…..so real and yet nothing? Maybe a lesson learnt my friend. The internet is not the safest of places and internet affairs rarely end up with a fairy tale ending!! The bad news is that you feel so terrible and worthless and im so sorry about it. If u need someone to talk to, u are most welcome to shout me.
  
  And the good news is: that this WILL go away, in some time, as if it did not even exist in the first place. While for some time there nothing u can do, except try n stay busy and distracted, in some time, it wont bother you at all. If u have a lovely hubby, this is just not a worthy adventure my friend. Just focus on ur home and hubby and real life. Internet is risky and internet affairs are not only unreal but can be absolutely destructive. I hope this was ur last and i wish you the very best hun.
  
  Smile!! U r beautiful and yes, you are worth it!! :)
  - written 1 year, 11 months ago

• How can one continue to live a happy life if one has medication that slows one down mentally?
  

  happiness is simple. Its also complicated or do we make it complicated? I dont know.
  
  I’m awfully sorry u r on suc medication. bUT…..firstly that medication IS treating a disorder or illness which otherwise i.e. Without the medication would make life much more difficullt :)
  
  if i were you, i’d tell myself…hey it could be worse and feel happy that its not.
  
  Secondly i’d look at things i DO have which are worth being grateful for…and theres so many trust me.
  
  And finally, i’d just focus on seeing what i could do to combat the side effects of the medicines….better nutrition, sleep, healthy practices like exercise, breathing, yoga etc…and just make the most of what i DO have!! Life is never perfect my friend. And nobody has everything they want or need. But the decision to be happy even with an imperfect life is entirely yours.
  
  Wish you the very best :) keep smiling.
  
  Milton said…they also serve who stand and stare….
  
  You should read his life story…..very relevant and very inspiring :)
  - written 1 year, 11 months ago

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