nainachick's shout trail with Yrja - Help.com

I guess the key is just to take it a but a at a time. I didn’t even realize I had other issued til later, and I’m glad.
I had a laugh at the Al-Anon cult thing tho…he he!
I thought AA was a cult when I first went. A prof. friend of mine suggested to me that the nature of a cult is that they do not want you to test what you are learning against the real world, because it won’t hold up. You have to stay with them all the time, and cut the real world out. THe nature of a 12 step program is the exact opposite. They want you to go out and see if it works. I’m glad he said that or I might have left. And I’m glad that it came from a non AA. I’m sure I’d be dead by now.

I’m off.

Thanks for the talk. Hopefully we will continue it later.

Yrja

yeah. I also relate to other programs. I went to AL-ANON for a while. Makes sense. I grew up with people numbing their feelings with alchohol…so I really don’t know any other way…so I have to learn from scratch. I also have visited online SLAA meetings and really relate there. but it all comes from the same place. Like you said. I’m a codependent addict :) yay! This is why nobody knew. I was so good at hiding my addiction. My codependant side working hard there.

It’s all kinda funny in a way. a tragi-comedy.

I think it’s hard to start writing and talking about feelings again becaue we get so rusty at it. I committed to stop talking about my feelings at 13 when I found alcohol. I found something, that in my mind, worked better than dealing with your feelings! I put off dealing with everything until LATER. Later came on July 12, 1993 for me.
I still don’t like doing it. I want an easier way that going through pain, or fear or anger. But I know that none of them work I have multiple addictions and compulsions and also go to OA. I also have had a sexual compulsion and an spending compulsion, all in an attempt to not feel or deal with anything. I totally understand that. But it gets easier. I spill my guts regularily now.

Good for you.

Yeah…I have to keep on talking. And writing actually. I’m keeping a diary now for the first time since I was like 12. LOL. I’m totally out of practice. Kinda funny really. I feel kinda shy writing in it. I can write, that’s not the problem. But writing like that…kinda weird…I’ll keep doing it and eventually get over the shyness I’m sure.

It’s kinda funny to interact like this though I have to say. I mean..I JUST quit and it’s allready pretty interesting. It’s difficult an all but also really interesting. I’m quite surprised at how shy I actually am. I’m like REALLY shy. It’s kinda funny really. I try to tackle it by just saying it outloud to the person I’m talking to. Like “I know you wouldn’t think it cause you’ve known me for like 2 years…but I’m actually really shy. I’m quite shy at the moment actually. Just wanted to let you know. I’m not used to being this vaulnerable.” I actually feel better by just saying it outloud, and then I don’t feel as soically retarded afterwards :) And people take it quite well…my confessions :)

it took me yrs to find a good sponsor that I actually used. Asking someone to be my sponsor was like saying,”hey, let’s never talk to each other ever again!”
I have a good one now. We talk every morning after my kids leave for school. I’m a stay at home mom, and she’s retired, so it works pretty good.
I guess as long as you’re talking to someone, things won’t get too bottled up.

I shouted myself again…I’m always doing that…

Yeah…I’m still searching for the right one. But it’s still good to just listen.

there’s one during my luch brake tomorrow. Close to where I work. someone told me they thought I would fit in there. I’m gonna try it out.

I’ve heard that aswell. They key is to find a good sponsor. One that I relate to and can relate to me. We’ll see how the search will go :) I’m doing ok for now at least.

Have you found a good meeting that you feel comfortable with yet? That was the key for me. I went to tons of meetings at first, but didn’t feel real connected to any one of them for a while. I’d leave the meeting, and go and drive around and feel really bad for myself. Then this really nice guy started asking me to go for coffee with them after and I didn’t say no. (me and the nice guy became friends, he was even an honorary sponsor) That’s when recovery became something good for me.

thanks :)

Just bought the book. Been reading it. Also have like a day plan. And a little card with the “sentence of the day” on it. don’t have a sponsor yet but I have like an AA therapist I guess.

But well, I just started the thing. And as they say…it doesn’t all happen over night. Takes time an all. Just taking my first steps.

Congrats on the 8 days. I’m in AA too.