pamark's shoutbox - Help.com

Hello. I noticed your a mother of three kids. How do you do it without freaking out. My oldest is 17 and for the longest it was just her and I. Now i have a 2 1/2 year old girl { with a strong personality} and a son thats 11 months. It’s so much harder having two kids . Maybe after they both get to be over 4 it will get easier. How old are your kids and any advice. I’m so depressed because all I do is sit home with them.My daughter is hard to deal with. She say whatever is on her mind, no holding back. I don’t think punishing her helps.I’m sure she is alittle stir crazy from sitting in the house too long. If it was summer I would take them for a walk but I have the winter blues. It’s all so hard. Someday I have such bad thoughs. I don’t know if I have post pardom depression.I did’t expect to write all this. .Like I said I noticed you have 3 kids and I was just looking for any advice. Karen

Hi :)
How are you?

I am sending my Christmas greetings already, just incase I don’t see you here before the big day, I am sure I will but I would rather be safe than sorry!
So….

Hope you have a Fabtastic Christmas and new year!!!

Emily
})i({

A southern lady! Nice to see someone on here that is from my area, or hear here…

Have a great day!

Hi how are you? how are things going with your son? I hope all is well.My life is finally getting back to normal even X is making an effort now to act like a human being.My daughter has been sick I took her to doctors on Tues she had tonsilitis she was in so much pain she couldn’t sleep and she was crying most of the night,some days she was fine then she would get worse I took her to hospital on Friday night she had been screaming in pain for about an hour,the doctor looked at her throat and said the tonsilitis had gone but the pain was because the tonsilitis had made her neck muscles go into spasm and pull the joints in her neck out of place she now has a neck brace and has to go to physio.She is not in to much pain now but her neck is really stiff still.She stayed with her Dad today because I had to work and she seems to be happy to spend time with her Dad now.My son also is settling in to the new living arrangements although he comes to see me every day when he is at his Dads.Let me know how everything is going for you. :):):)

hey..thought id leave a shout. you seem like someone i could easily talk to! anyway, sorry to bother you

Dear Pam,

Thank you for answering the questions. See if you can create your own list and send it to me and your friends list.

Friends,

David

ok i guess

Dear pamark,

Hey there, I have put together a list of questions I thought I’d ask the people on my friends list to get to know them better. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. It’s just fun. Some of these answers I might already know, but I’m sending it to all my friends, and I know different things about different people. My answers to the questions are in parenthesis.

1. Real First Name (David)
2. Where were you born, where do you live now?
(Born-Norfolk, VA/Live-Amherst, VA)
3. Explanation of your profile name (skippi4-skippi is a nickname I got at a bar I used to frequent-the number 4 is one I like)
4. Why did you come to help.com (I came because of depression about my health)
5. Favorite Color (Dark Blue)
6. In 5 years, where do you want to be (I want to be teaching at a school)
7. Biggest fear (Spiders)
8. Biggest pet peeve (Traffic)
9. Biggest hope (Getting a new heart)

Friends,

David

Hello, I am a young looking guy who wants a girl that i can trust. i am 25 years old a black boy. You can meet me on my messager at danielomon4d12 (@) yahoo.com

I havent seen X since friday night, he rang my son on Sun night and was quite nasty to him, my son now refuses to even talk to his dad.I have broken court orders by having my son now because its not my turn to have him but I have talked to my solicitor and she said to keep a diary and get my son to a councilor. When my X was around on friday night I rang a friend and left the phone where he could hear what was going on so I have proof of what happened.I havent been able to go back to work yet so I hope I still have a job. But other than that everything is great the kids are fighting and messing up the house its good to have everything back to normal lol. How are things going with your son? I hope everything is working out for you and your son.xxx
Trina.

test was sent monday morning, I have to wait till this morning, Tuesday, Its 9am for me so I think I will wait untill this afternoon before I phone, to make sure they have the results in lol
Thanx for asking, will update when I get them.

I had the same trouble with my son hitting girls but it was his sister that he was hitting I think he was doing it out of fustration im not to sure.I did ask him why and he would say things like she was annoying me,it was an accident or i dont know,but this has stopped now,he was also acting up at school. I feel that my son was acting like this because he couldnt express how he was feeling any other way.I do think therapy will help,my son went for a while(untill his Dad refused to let him go)the therapist my son saw was great he took time to gain my sons trust they played games and I dont think my son ever realized he was even in therapy it was just heaps of fun for him.Your X sounds like a vulture just waiting for something that he can pounce on,and use against you, does he not have a life of his own?some men can just be so pathetic.Well I hope you can find a solution for you problems I really do think therapy will help your son and dont stress too much because I found the more i stressed the more my son stressed.Its a pity you and i live so far away from each other because I think we have led very similar lives and had to deal with many of the same problems we would have so much to talk about.Be strong,stay positive,It sounds like you are doing every thing right keep in touch and let me know how thing are going. xxx:):)

Court went well we have equal custody of my son.I didnt have to speak in court the solicitors organized this out of court,X was not happy about this he kept saying my son did not want to be with me. I talked to my son (he wouldn’t talk to me while his dad was around so i took him outside and talked and talked and finally my boy was back to his normal happy self)any way I tried to talk to X and he was very hostile he didn’t even seem to care that people could hear what he was saying to me he even said to me “your dead”.I have also talked to a domestic violence councilor and i will be getting counciling (better late than never I guess)Later on tonight my son rang and said he wanted to spend some time with his sister I said ok thats fine so he and X walked over to my place to pick her up X had been drinking ( he isn’t allowed to drink while he has the kids)My daughter got scared and went to her room crying X wanted my son to go back with him my son would not go without his sister so i said for X to go he left and came back and was yelling for my son he went out and come back in crying X hit him because he wanted to stay with me X left again then come back and was banging on my door and windows I told him to go or I would call police he has not been back yet but I expect he will later. My son was really upset and doesnt want me to call police so I haven’t even though he has broken so many of the court orders tonight, I know I should have called police but as always I give him one more chance BUT this was his last ever chance.I’m not scared but i am being very wary and I have people on alert just in case because where I live it takes about 20 mins for police to turn up.My kids are safe. Hopefully X is sleeping now and will wake up and realize the mistake he has made and try to do something to get himself sorted out. My case goes to federal magistrates court next month so if X keeps up his crap I will get full custody. But for now I’m just happy that my kids are safe and sleeping peacefully.

Thanks. Your advice always makes me feel better. On friday I went shopping to get some clothes for court and I ran into a friend of mine she asked what i was buying clothes for so I explained it all to her and I made a joke with her saying all I needed now was to get some lucky underwear as I said this i glanced around behind me and on the shelf was some underwear with LUCKY printed on them so I took this as a good sign. I will be wearing my lucky underwear to court lol :):):)

I am so freaked out about court on friday,I’m going to be a nervous mess while X will probly be cool and calm (he can put on a good act when he needs to) Do you have any last minute advice?

Hi ya!

thanks pamark

Hi, we haven’t chatted before but I happened to stumble across the post you contributed to with filterproduction. I just wanted to say that you did an awesome job! You showed that you were genuinely concerned and got that poor girl out of her hole. Hooray for awesome people out there like you! :)

i already tried that since day 1

ok. good night and sweet dreams.

constant pain. never went. nothing for the pain. just live in the pain. i can’t go anywhere unless my parents let me.

none are small everything is pretty big. i guess my health problem i injured my back over a year ago.

we are talking and u have not left me. ok? What to do? everything is going to fast, i can’t think, i can’t sleep. All my plans are going down the drain with hope of surviving this. I can’t do this anymore. Can’t put on a smile for everyone no matter how horrible everything is. Can’t wake up and realize all this is a dream. i can’t. WHAT DO I DO?

how do i do that. Cause i have no one that can help me so if i fall i lie there dead, cause no one wanted to lend me a hand for awhile.

no they know that he is older than me a lot older cause my sisters heard his voice once. my parents are horrible they want me to do good in school but they don’t want me to do any of the work. they want good things for me but they want to do it in a destructive manner i don’t even know why they do that. for an example my dad wants me to graduate but he doesn’t want me to go to school.

cause they are insane and no they don’t. all they know is that i talk to him on the net sometimes. but the funny part of this is if i get into trouble with anyone for talking to him my parents are going down too

you too girl!! just wanted to tell you that story …kinda hilarious…NOW…at the time we thought she was gonna be axed to death, I thought i’d end up on Nancy Grace telling how I was on the phone w/her!!! ANyway - good to chat w/you…here’s to GOD, PRAISE GOD, and our wonderful new men and having love and peace and joy!!! gnite girl!! let me know how things go, kay? xx

i know!! poor thing!! cuz he’s a abusive xxxx…But….you know, we all have a path…i figure if she’s balsy enough to fly to another country, she’ll learn the language, get a job and then ditch him once she’s wise to stuff…he’s a piece of work — one time pulled in teh driveway of my g/f, she was on the phone hysterical, he pulled in sliding on the gravel, opened his trunk, took out an AXE and then thank GOD just threw it at the door!!! poor little natasha…

right now she’s visiting her (SANE) grandparents in australia - he’s from australia (my guy)….yeah - its like all my dreams come true…even this part, if i am honest….for the first time in years i feel kind of a peace, like there wont be a hateful visit or hateful email/phone message out of the blue for no clear reason….it IS a blessing - just REAlly w e i r d!!

YAAAYYYYY!!!! it reminds me one of my b/friends who had a year and a half war w/her crazy x who i really thought might killher thank GOOdness he didnt, she has the child now, and he has a new (sigh) mail order russian bride….omg….!!!!!! YAAAY!!! THAT cheered me up!!! thanks again girl! that really really lifted me up hearing your news yaaaayyyyyyyyyyy!!

well - i guess i know why. my mom said she never wanted me/i ruined her plans (tho she went thru with them, is a psychologist of all things is that crazy or what?)….anyway - thank you girl. and i’ll pray for you too. i saw re: your crazy ex, and am SOo happy you found a guy….it must all be test, test tests and lets pass em so we dont have to take em again, eh?!!! anyway - thanks for your kind words..they have helped. my guy is far away right now i fly there next week so it should be better then. xx

ps what happened with the custody issues for your son? i hope it came out okay….

THank you sister!! my minister said healthy love is seeing what the other person needs/wants and trying to meet that…and unhealthy love is having the other person fill You up/not seeing the other person ….and that their punishing if not getting what they want…he says its not healthy and to move on with my healthy happy family…i get that i need to do that/am doing that…my guy also is into God (they are not) ….i am just stunned that profanity and outright attacks are coming at me..tho i guess i shouldnt be its kinda always been like this. the weirdest part - they’d only met him once kinda briefly before they called him ‘behind my back’…but he was there the night before when i had talked to them distressed that we were having troubles…its all really spooky and weird. i HAd sent so many (kind, sidestepping their attacks) emails saying we are setting up our lives/still in transition - and it Has taken us time - but even in the beginning (thats when they called him) - they’ve always been really weird. i also said want peace/joy - but they don’t have God/grace or any of that - just used to treating me kinda disrespectfully…as i’ve set some boundaries over the years, but mostly worked on sidestepping and keeping my peace. it was when i sent the last boundary - that essentially i couldnt see them and cant discuss the degree to which i can open my lives to them right now that i got the fullon base, vile attack….my husband said not to open their emails anymore - he will - and if there is anything that looks peaceful he’ll tell me, otherwise delete it. isn’t this CRazy?? its been lifelong spiritual warfare and i am so grateful for a wonderufl sane loving stable peaceful joyful man…and, also am just so amazed that this is what it has come to….w o w. huh?!!! thanks for your words. hope you dont feel dumped on…sorry, havent told many people - its too weird, ya know?

i have the best guy ever. my mom’s kinda nuts and my dad too - ive always known it but since this relat’p i really have seen its not healthy. when we were having troubles the first year (they called, i was crying) they looked up the work number of my guy, called him, and said they care about him and if he and his daughter ever would want to visit, they’d love that (implied: if we split, they love Him)…also, during this time, i was really stressed we were having troubles and thought we wouldnt make it and my mom called the next day’youre keeping me from kim’ (his daughter from prior marriage, they’d never met her, i had just said we may break up…and she’s worried about what She’s getting from him/my relationship)….also they make him very uncomfortable when together - they are really nice to him and not so to me……SO - we all live all over - he’s in papua new guinea now, i’m in LA (going back to Indo) my folks keep pushing to get together - he doesnt want to see them (rightfully so) or have his/our daughter EVer meet them b/c they’re really intrusive, dark, kindof stir up trouble - and in trying to just keep some boundaries and explain we’ve been sorting out our crazed lives theyve continued/become really abusive to me (including a f you letter to me w/that language - i never read it he read it and deleted it)….SO - my question to you - i believe in connection, and also, healthy relationships and dont want strife w/my wonderful man and (newish) daughter - do you think i’m awful for moving on/kind of keeping that distance b/c even with that boundary they are so abusive…and i know it will be ongoing strife and craziness - they’re kinda nuts…i guess i wanted to tell you my situation and ask you pray about it - they have already sent 2 fyou letters to me breaking off all contact just because i set some boundaries regarding time/when we can get together….i am sad…i dont really feel they have real love - they arent loving or peaceful…was trying to just keep a distance but they are furious…and also when they do get ‘close’ they are abusive to me then…he and my minister believe it is best to stay away….i just wanted to tell you about this…and share that i am sad and that i guess these letters show its a good idea…what would you do if that were the case w/your guy? hope you dont mind my asking.

noooo kidding. hey - can i ask you some questions? you’re christian right?

omg -girl - i just read your post -re: the tires…i am at this point too and we’ve been together 3 years!!not about tires - but about not working and being supported…but you know what…its a step of faith. pray about it for sure - but its not a house or something outlandish..i say accept it and be blessed as Long as you dont feel like you’ll be running around doing a zillion things to make up for the tires…you know? I think you should let go and let god, let love, let blessings….me too!! xx

O M G. that has got to be one of the most disgusting things i’ve heard of in my life!!!

omG - can you imagine if your guy cheated on you - and THEN said ‘well i feel slutty so got to get to know her out of self-respect for ME’ — I am SOOO AMAzed someone would go for that - disGUSting to me, how disrespectful to him….am i way off here? and is it bad i wrote that when he didnt ask about that? hope not. i find it just SOOO unbelIEVABLy disrespectful….W.O.W. Hey girl - how ya been (outside that)??!!

That I do not know. The email addresses that I have are ones which people have shared with me. I know if you click the email icon by their avatar it allows them to see your email … but I really haven’t used that process.

Scroll to the very bottom of the thread and there is a place where you can check boxes and write a little invite.

It is below where you write a reply. Let me know if you need more help.
Jeanne

Hi Pamark, I was just thinking about you and wondering how your independence is doing in light of the gift.

Dear Pamark,

I think my faith is what has made it ok if I don’t get a transplant. In the past few months, since I went on the list, I have moved in with my parents and have developed a special bond, so I am getting a lot of good things out of this. I don’t have any real control, so I am not stressing about it.

Friends,

David

P.S. Is your first name Pam?

Dear Pamark,

I am doing ok. Right now I am in another waiting game. The next step in my process is being hospitalized for a tune up for my heart. That should happen in the next month or so. And then it’s just wait for either the transplant or becoming too weak for one. It’s kind of a race now. I’m ok with either one winning, but I know I’d rather have the transplant. How have you been? I finally have high speed internet, so I hope to be on this site more.

Friends,

David

Mostly I am doing good. Nothing to complain about really. My youngest son just moved out about 4 months ago. I have been a single mom for 20 years!

Now I am learning to be alone. It’s good. I am adjusting.

Hi there … I like your avatar. It is so fun. You look like a lively good lady. I added you as my friend. Is that okay? How are things going anyway?

X is getting served the court summons today. I go to court next friday.

Yeah, it’s really something else.

Thanks, I appreciate it!

Thanks.My daughter wont be in court,I’m not sure about my son I think he will be interviewed.My solicitor is trying to prove that my X took my son out of spite to get at me. Also my X snuck off in the middle of the night so that dosent look good for him in that aspect.Anyway I am trying to stay positive.I have lots of support from friends and family. All I have to do is tell the truth.