hootandstell's reply history at Help.com

Images are being blocked. Which email provider are you using (ie: Explorer, Yahoo, MSN…etc?

Your question first.. how do I stop being in love with someone… You don’t. Time, I suppose, will lesson your feelings but love doesn’t have an “on and off” switch. Just doesn’t work that way. You can quicken the “time heals all wounds” process but only if you ELECT TO SEVER ALL TIES with this person. If you try to maintain any sort of contact or relationship, you will just get your little heart broken everytime you say “good-bye.” It’s like a cut on your hand…leave it alone and it will heal but if you keep scratching at it… it’s going to be painful for a long, long time.

Now, I have a question: Why? If you both feel the same way about each other; then WHY? Child, love is so much more important than a command of the english language or social status or anything else. What good is a stable career if you grow old, alone and lonely. To love someone, to care about another person more than you care about yourself and have that person feel the same about you…is right up there in the ‘life’s greatest gifts’ category.

Life is so short and, in the grand scheme of existence, all of these little issues are so unimportant…

I suspect that you are both just trying to do what is best and what is right.. but, perhaps, being together is truly what is best and what is right.

I am assuming that your ‘friend’ has his own attorney; in which case, he/she should be the only person handling the legality aspects of the purloined emails.

If I were you, I’d lay low. I think, perhaps, you may have already contributed more than enough to the chaos and it’s likely, that anything more you do, will only add fuel to the fire.

I suspect that you’re feeling like a victim right now but, think about it; if you knew he was married, than the only real victims, in this scenario, are the wife and children.

I’m guessing, of course and I may be wrong. But even if she was trailer-trash/pyscho-*****, I’m betting this really hurt her.

Take the lesson learned (NEVER write ANYTHING that you would not, ultimately, want the whole-wide world to read) and get as far away from this mess as you can.

Meant to add: Previous post is excellent but don’t forget to research the postive aspects of stress…

Without “stress,” humanity would still be etching pictures on cave walls. The response motivates us to make positive changes.

Unfortunately, many of us react to “stress’in a totally negative manner (allowing a feeling of hopelessness or being overwhelmed..) when, in actuality, the mechanism is simply our mind’s method of telling us to take a form of action (the old fight or flee thing).

Stress, in itself, isn’t the big problem… it’s how we REACT to the stimulus that can cause problems.

Good luck

Previous post is excellent; however, don’t forget to include the positive aspects of stress…

Without “stress,” humanity would still be etching pictures on cave walls. The response motivates us to make positive changes.

Unfortunately, many of us react to “stress’in a totally negative manner (allowing a feeling of hopelessness or being overwhelmed..) when, in actuality, the mechanism is simply our mind’s method of telling us to take a form of action (the old fight or flee thing).

Stress, in itself, isn’t the big problem… it’s how we REACT to the stimulus that can cause problems.

Good luck

Let’s say that you check-out and you fly away to another dimension which consists of Heaven or Hell or eternal nothingnrss or rebirth as a butterfly in Montana… Regardless, you will be far and away from the situation you face now. Hey, maybe that’s fine and dandy except for one ittle detail that your state of mind might not grasp; what about the people who care about you that you’ll be leaving behind?

Trust me, friend, what you would do to them will make your present condition seem like a day at the beach. They, whoever ‘they’ might be …mother, sister…friend…whoever… will live out the rest of their lives trying to deal with an immense measure guilt and misery, regret, sorrow and hopelessness that you cannot even imagine.

I’ve been where you are and it is hell but I couldn’t destroy the lives of the people around me. I couldn’t do that and I hope you can’t either.

There is help. For me it was something as simple as Vitamin B Complex; but that was me. You have to talk to a pro…but more than talking, you’re going to have to listen.

Life is so much shorter than you think it is; once you make up your mind to get through it (even if it is just making it through the day…) - things will change. Things will get better.

I wish you well….

Good luck

I am so sorry. I know it isn’t easy for others to understand what you’re feeling and or that, now, you are in a shell-shocked state. Aside from the events that led to the end of your marriage, you have lost your sense of security, what you preceived to be ‘your furture’ and, most important, your identity. For years, you were “his wife,” and now, I imagine, you’re not sure exactly who you are. It’s so hard.

But, remember; there are no voids in nature.. and that means that when someone or something puts a “hole” in our lives, that hole will be filled-up… either by pain and self-pity or by peace and ultimate happiness. And you are the only one who can make that determination.

I think a holiday is a good idea, for all of you, but perhaps something a little closer to home. Plan the abroad vacation, in the future, as something to look forward to when you get your life back together.

But, as for now, if I were you, I think the first step I would make would be to get a job. That, in itself, will help restore your sense of self-worth, And then, get your own place - as soon as possible. You and your children need a home.

Chin up, girl and take one step at a time. Everything will work itself out and you’ll find that you are much stronger than you give yourself credit. I wish you well.

J

Actually, this is a prime example of two opposing philosophies in which both are very right and, oddly enough, both are somewhat wrong.

Explaining the basis of the Buddhist belief would be a long and winding, yellow brick road; but, it might be simplified by reasoning that anything we ‘care about’ becomes an extention of our own ego. If the target of our affection does not meet our expectations, our mind may view that as a personal failure … “this would not happen if I were taller, shorter, better looking (fill in the blanks).” It isn’t that Buddhists have anything against caring… it’s just that detachment exempts them from expectations… with the ultimate goal being to love/care without expecting anything in return.

And, in a way, Frankfurt shares that school of thought but he advocates a more proactive method of personal interaction. And, he’s right; concentrating on the needs of others makes us focus less on our own silly desires. Any person who spends any time at all concentrating, solely on him/herself soon finds that every ache in the back becomes an inoperatable tumor, every twitch behind the eye is an impending stroke….

And the ’somewhat wrong’ part: A Buddhist monk may have the time and tools to reach enlightenment but, chances are, the average soul on the street does not have that ‘luxury;’ wish we did but we don’t. And so, we love, we lose, we get kicked in the pants, we suffer, we pickup the pieces, we move on - we learn. We grow.

Frankfurt’s folley; we’re human and we’re defective. There has to be a balance between total subjection to the needs of others and the custodial responsibility of caring for our own needs. That’s why, when traveling on an airplane, it would be prudent to put the oxegyn mask on your own face before atempting to help anyone else…..