2011-04-15 05:18:27 on Had a good day, Doesn’t happen too often lately, so wanted to share.
Don’t worry about calling a doctor names, their quite used to people suffering and in pain, they know you don’t really mean it. If it bothers them they’ll just medicate you better :)
You have quite enough on your plate to deal with at the moment, don’t get side tracked with other issues. Just focus on you and getting better….hope the surgeries work great and your back to full health soon.
2011-04-14 12:31:34 on I am a 40 year old man who wants a fresh start away from a messed up life.
Sounds like your Mom was lonely and overworked to support you and build a life. In a relationship with a violent man proably just because she felt he was the only one she could get and thought it was better than being alone. Unfortuately she took her frustration and anger out on you. No child is ever responsible for being that upset and wishing a person dead…her dying was not your fault.
You also sound like many children from that type of home growing up …looking for love and belonging in all the wrong places. Drugs o take the edge off the hurt and loneliness.
She was your Mom, she did love you and she never meant to hurt you, life can sometimes twist things to a bad way even for the best of people. She would never have blamed you for what happened to her. So stop blaming yourself.
But you do have a son you don’t really know and he deserves to have a real Dad in you. No matter what you and his Mom think about each other he’s still your Son and you need to do whatever it takes to mend fences with his mom and get back into his life. You’ve got your work cut out for you but, no matter what he says at first he’s your son and deep down he needs you to show you love him and your there for him. Imagine how his mom and him feel watching you everyday with your new son and wife and wondering why you didn’t want them. Imagine how your first son feels watching you with his half-brother wondering why you don’t love him too.
If your new wife and you are so opposite focus on what brought you’s together in the first place. There must have been some things in common, remember how you’s felt at the start of your relationship and bring that spark back.
Time to go have a chat with your wife about how you love her and wish you’s could work at being closer. Then talk to her about your first son and ask her help to build a relationship with him too and mend some old fences. Marriage is a partnership, and she needs you to talk to her about things that bother you. Us ladies are very smart but sometimes the ESP is on the fritz….we need words :)
2011-04-14 12:07:09 on My life worthless ,I’m lost everything in my life .
I’m not sure about what happened to you but I also know what it feels like to lose everything and be so sad and feel so alone…but things do get better. Takes time and a lot of focus, focus on the good bits in a day and ignore the bad. Even the slightest good is something…the raindrops looks so nice trickling down the window, cute squirrel on the tree outside, grass is so green in the park and smells so fresh.
First you fix the basics in your life one at a time. Doesn’t work the first time, do it again. We are all here for a reason and we need to be here. If the people around you don’t care about you that is so sad and begs the questions…do they not care about you or do you just think that because your sad and everything seems so hopeless…or do they really care about you and just don’t understand how upset you are. Maybe sit down and have a chat with, them explain how your feeling and why.
Counselling is also a good option, nice to have a neutral opinion to help focus and sort out issues that upset you. They can also provide some great ideas on how to change things to make your life better.
Hope things change for you very soon but it will take time so be patient and focus on the good everyday until then.
2011-04-14 11:52:50 on my suicide note.
I hope you really haven’t done anything yet Aizen…things can always change and things do change every minute. Television is just a fantasy, they show people how people want to be not how real life is. Check out some of the actors/actresses on television there lives are not all fun and happiness…that’s just a part they play. Most of them are quite lonely too, hard to be famous and trust people and have people around you that truly care about you not just your fame and money.
Everyone has a soul mate, you just have not found yours yet. Consider that if she’s lonely and out there looking for you. What happens to her if your gone? She’s now alone for the rest of her life and sad or she’ll have to settle into a relationship she’s not going to be happy in because her soul mate is gone.
2011-04-14 11:43:56 on bigalavgone
Love the new avatar Doc…great job Big Al… :)
2011-04-14 11:40:38 on Had a good day, Doesn’t happen too often lately, so wanted to share.
Surgery date? I hope everything is ok….and wonderful you had a good day. Perfect days are for when we’re all through the crap so we can totally enjoy them. And they are coming just be patient. :)
2011-04-14 11:36:31 on Complex and compounded,
Sorry took so long to reply…been working at the positive thing. I try the chipping at little things some days. Like lately I’m into organizing things, everything seems so much simpler when things are organized. Closets, mail, desktop etc.
I’m also working on one of those *pipe dreams* and I feel since I’ve lost pretty much everything I have nothing left to lose. So why not :). Besides seems to me all the greats also had the worst hard times but they focused and just kept going then succeeded. Besides if what I’m working at totally fails….pfft who cares, I have nothing to lose left. :D But…if it works out..Fab! If not I’ll try something else.
So here’s to both of us and our *Pipe Dreams*…let’s just ignore the crap around us and work for what we want to make us happy. :)
2011-04-01 05:04:20 on Complex and compounded,
Yeah don’t worry about it just post when your up to it…and we know your not ignoring us, never worry about that.
I’ve always found the saying money attracts money to be true….watched enough rich people just seem to get money so easily. Lately I’ve been trying to think positive sorta…I just think about anything good for the day that’s happened and focus on nothing but that and it does seem to work, seems to attract more good things. Even if nothing good happens in a day I’ll focus on…nothing bad happened so it’s a good day. When things get really rough it’s the time to focus on the basic like…I have a roof over my head, food to eat, clothes to wear, a computer to help me, internet to use, great people on Help.com to chat with :) etc.
2011-03-23 16:30:35 on Does anyone have experience with mental illness in elderly?
They say as we get older we revert to our childhood for safety and security. Imagine the thought of getting old and becoming dependent on others for everything and losing the dignity you strived for all your life. Your parents have passed, all your childhood friends are gone, your life long spouse is gone, your children find you a bother and never visit. Imagine telling a wonderful story about a time you enjoyed and noone around you has a clue what your talking about or they have no interest in the people you speak of. Who wouldn’t look to fantasy to imagine something better to give them comfort and elate the fears.
There are places and tests that can be done to diagnose issues caused by aging. If her problem is medical maybe it could range from a vitamin deficiency, dementia or alzhemers. It also could be a plea for attention if she’s feeling neglected and alone or unloved. Feeling alone and unloved or sad can also cause actually medical problems as well. Ever notice when your have a really bad week you also don’t feel good either.
A thought but, is her fantasy affecting her in an negative way, adversly affecting her health or making her behaviour dangerous. Maybe try showering her with more attention and affection or a visit to any older friends or relatives she still has. You can also check with the local societies in your area that would do testing on elderly persons, they could be less intimidating than a regular doctor. Imagine the fear of being tested by a doctor and found to have issues and face being put in a nursing home surrounded by strangers.
2011-03-23 16:14:43 on Complex and compounded,
Just checking in…hope everything is slowly but surely improving for you Garou. I know personally I’ve been working on some issues in my life and omg it seems to take forever and a day to get better sometimes.
Wishing you all the best and my prayers are with you….:)
2011-03-07 07:11:44 on begining of a book, how does it look?
As a proof reading point:
Indent, I’d change the main character’s name too (produces too much of an image of Muhammad Ali, you want your character to be unique to your story)
*RUN!* = *Run!*
At first he did not understand = At first Ali did not understand
He ran and he ran = With his mother right behind him, Ali ran as fast as he could.
9 = nine (I’d also skip a mention of her age her, more like, he grabbed his little sister)
Then he heard a scream. He stopped and turned back only to see a Agni warrior tackle his mother he started to go towards her but she shouted “No, take your sister and go!”. = Ali turned to see his mother grabbed by an Agni warrior, she screamed *No, Go!* as he started back towards her. (tackle is too footballish for this type of story, and with her being already grabbed she wouldn’t have much time to say anything so the shorter her speech it points to a short desperate plea to save himself and his sister)
stupid African = foolish native
After this they silently marched Ali and Azmera somewhere and Ali had a feeling he didn’t want to go. = Ali and Azmera walked in silence as the men followed them back towards their village.
Just a couple quick notes, see what you think. But yes good story, very nice. Just remember when you tie yourself to a chain of events from time that you research the area at that time frame, the children’s names of that time etc. Like calling the girl Susie would never fit. A mention of the foliage or landscape here and there would give the reader a marker to visualize being there and make the story pop even more to life. After you write a chapter put it away for like a week or two then get it back out, read it and see if you can visualize the scene playing out. Like they crushed a clump of certain grass or twigs under their feet as they walked…the cerain type of leaves falling to the ground around them, are they hot or cold etc.
2011-03-07 06:19:46 on I don’t know what else to do.
Sounds good maybe she can hear the voice of reason when it’s coming from both of yous. Another idea might be if she has an older sister or brother have them join yous to have a chat with her.
2011-03-05 10:00:26 on Complex and compounded,
Good Stuff :)
Yep living around that kind of tension can seriusly suck. It’s human nature too for us to also think if there’s a problem must be us, usually never the case. Just step back and think, thank goodness I’m not related to them :P
2011-03-01 06:58:49 on what is it that women prefer?
Skinny can gain weight over the years, obese can lose weight, big nose they can have plastic surgery, and in the same regard….skinny can gain an enormous amount, pretty will age and gravity take over their face and body. That’s why the wise chose by whats on the inside because in the end thats all that matters.
The pretty, sexy, gorgeous looking girl can turn out to be a cheat and a liar so in truth she’s actually very ugly….and time will show what she is on the inside.
2011-02-28 08:14:15 on If you’ve been abused through out your life, how do you truly Let Go?
I’m so sorry talf and itwillgetbetter, that your lives have been what others have done to you. But that is not you’s and you’s were innocent victims. In a perfect world none of that would happen and kids would be safe and loved always but unfortunately we only have this world as it is now.
Your right Itwillgetbetter, noone can ever understand the horror you went through or so many children like you. But as an adult we chose how we treat ours and what choices we make, the past can colour our actions but we are responsible for them. Getting counselling can help us deal to a certain degree with the results of our trauma but we all need to find the strength in us to be more than the victim actions of another has made us. Any type of abusive is a violent person who does whatever to control those around them, children and animals bear the brunt of this the most being the most innocent and helpless. They say the best revenge is living well, prove to them that they longer control you and can never do so again by being a good person and leading a full and happy life. We can’t go back, only choice is forward and our lives are what we want them to be and make them.
God does not want anyone to hurt or be cruel to anyone else. In the bible it says the only ones God refuses to judge are the ones who hurt the most innocent, children…he cannot forgive them and they go straight to hell. I do believe that.
Maybe someday they will discover a way to erase memories that horrible but in the meantime to have a family of your own and show them you are a good person and love them and will protect your children from any harm, this is the way you were meant to live. You have the insight now to spot people like that anywhere near your children and to be able to keep them safe. Counselling at the rough times and the love of your family will help you immensely.
Dark is right, it’s day by day but the results of living a life that makes you happy is what you truly deserve now.
All of yous are in my prayers and I hope yous get and keep the strength you need to make it through. *hugs*