We had a suicide bombing at the Ministry, where I am headed in just a few minutes!
Know what you mean about loneliness. Living in a matchbox here with a roommate and no privacy–but still incredible loneliness. Can’t Skype with my wife as much as before because roommate is in bed by 7 p.m.! Old guy!
I was hoping–and still kind of am–that your husband will wake up and realize that his ignoring you has been a huge mistake!
Thanks for the invite cupcake. I don’t have much advice to offer her. Though I too live far from home. Hope she’ll be fine. The ingredients in her situation are complex for me to comment on. The attachments and lifestyle don’t support her moving back. And I don’t want to say stuff to disrupt anything.
First marriage: five years and a four-year-old son. She wanted to leave in order to “find herself.” She was really seeing a man 22 years her senior. She broke up the family to be with him. Our son stayed with me. Later she tried to get him so she and her new guy could live off the child support. She lost. Yes, it can be very tough!
Yet even as we are being sold down the river, we have to maintain our personal honour. When you are being hurt, it is so hard not to hurt back. It is so hard not to find solace in another’s arms until your current relationship is resolved.
Traveling the world? Ah, yes. Ralph Waldo Emerson said that traveling could easily become a “fool’s paradise.” I’ve traveled the world. Some of it was good, some was bad.
Don’t want to go, but must. Cannot continue to be a drain on my uncomplaining wife.
A pox on his family! Sounds like, though, he thought you were the better deal!
Suggest counseling to identify and resolve the problems. The two main causes of divorce: money problems and people’s own insecurities!
See what you can do. Don’t throw in the towel without counseling. I believe he has a number of insecurities that are holding him back.
Well, Cupcake, it looks like I’ll be gone by mid-May . . . to Afghanistan. I’ll be getting their military into shape. Of course, the Afghan military is heavily infiltrated by the Taliban, and they’ve been shooting their mentors and trainers a lot lately. But after 16 months of fruitless searching, how am I going to turn down something that pays nearly $200k per year?
I’ve also come to the conclusion that nothing is more important than personal honor. We have to do the right thing. There will be a final accounting for our actions. I am doing this for my family, and for my own personal honor. I have to be contributing. For a man, he must work in order to have self-esteem.
We had a lesson from Mark Chapter 10 in a Bible study class Wednesday night. The chapter contained Jesus’ words on divorce. Divorce is most abhorrent in God’s eyes. It means that we give up on another human being, while at the same time we don’t want God giving up on us. We are asking God, in most cases, to forgive us for things we are not willing to forgive. Marriage is supposed to be like God’s relationship to the Church. We may falter, but we don’t want God giving up on us.
I know that my marriage will survive this, as it survived another stint in the Middle East. Know what? One of my female team members said that I and another guy were the only ones who didn’t cheat on their wives while over there. We constantly had young Filipino girls coming on to us. I’d see 70-year-old guys with 20-year-old Filipino girls. The temptations were there, but I knew that I could not betray my wife’s love or the commitments I had made to God. A few moments of physical pleasure could in no way compensate for the guilt and pain of betraying one’s personal honour. And those Filipino girls were so naive . . . they really were looking for an older person whom they felt they could love, and who would also support their families back in the Philippines.
I know I could get whacked over there this time, Cupcake, and I pray that won’t happen. But I have to do it. I have obligations to God, to my family, and to myself. In the final analysis, what really matters is how we conducted ourselves during our short lifespans on this earth. Did we honour our God, our families, and ourselves? Nothing else really matters. Nothing.
Take care of yourself and write back soon . . . I want to know how you are doing!
I would assume that he’s still deeply immersed in his studies and other “routines.”
I applaud you, however, for not seeking solace outside the marriage. And I applaud you for seeking to solve the problems inherent in the marriage.
You need to make an appointment for both of you to attend couples counseling. Tell hubby that your marriage is worth that effort. Let him know that you don’t feel you are really part of his life, but that you love him and want to be the couple that you once WERE.
I trust you are doing great. I was looking for some lyrics (Amber Brooks’ songs) and I stumbled on to a blog. I was quite impressed by her. So, I’m sharing with you too. As I’ve shared with FlutterBy too.