AmandaLynn's profile at Help.com

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Last 7 Posts Authored

• I’m studying the authenticity of the Bible - any imput? posted (1 month) ago
  It can be recomended books to read, websights, or just information YOU’VE personally found i…

• How do you go about overcoming your sexual insecurities with your mate? posted (1 month, 2 weeks) ago
  I know i do a lot of helping on here - and i considered asking this anonomously becuase of the are…

• Looking for advice, information, or tips on keeping your body healthy. posted (1 month, 2 weeks) ago
  Yes, I could find a lot of info by googling it or looking at my local bookstore and talking to my d…

• Looking for a good movie to rent tonight - any suggestions? posted (1 month, 3 weeks) ago
  Me and the hubby are gonna sit and watch a movie tonight, but we’re at a lost as to what to …

• Edible creams, lotions, and stuff..any suggestions? posted (2 months) ago
  Ok, dont take this post the wrong way - im not looking for porn or things.. just ediables! lol. F…

• Ok - I got a “religion/science” related question here - has to do with something I heard Louie Giglio say. posted (3 months) ago
  I was watching a video by Louie Giglio - whos kinda like a preacher/speaker guy in the christian …

• I’m looking for the best airline to take from USA to overseas - and traveling advice. posted (3 months, 2 weeks) ago
  I’ve personally never even been to an airport - so i know NOTHING about air travel and fran…

• All Claimed Posts »

AmandaLynn's Top (5) Replies by other users' votes

• (3 votes) My Girl friend says she has this feeling ?
  

  Considering that in a real and healthy relationship - it is usually the womans desire to be romanced by her husband, to feel secure with her husband, to feel confident in his care over the relationship, to be cared for emotionally and physically, and to be treated like a lady - it is no wonder most do not set out to find an insecure unconfident man. If they are buisy protecting their own self - they simply wont properly be able to protect and care for a relationship and keep it healthy. Many women are more attracted to a confident man than an insecure one. The insecure ones are left feeling like the “punks” and “egotistical” guys get all the women when the “real” and “sensitive” guys get none. But infact - its the guys who seem most sure of themselves and their life and what they want that portray the “strength”…. not always the “heart”… to develop a relationship. And the others are seen as insecure and incapable of properly developing one. Sometimes - girls who are drawn to others who “need them” will end up finding guys who are “needy”… insecurity finds insecurity. …. generally.
  
  …. but aside from all that. if you dont like each other - move on. Life is full of chances and opertuities - dont wear yourselves down on one another and scar yourselves up emotionally by trying to salvage something from nothing. …. its not worth it.
  
  - written 2 months ago – voted for by Life_Can_Be_Hard, dagusto_, Maximina

• (2 votes) Girl troubles.
  

  Your not the kind of guy to hurt someones feelings?? … sweety - lets face reality a second here - what control really do you have over how people feel when it really comes down to it? And can you really say “yes” to everyone just so they dont get their feelings hurt? Can everyone just say “yes” to you so your feelings dont get hurt… and would you want that anyway? …
  
  We all must go our own path. Part of learning about life is learning how to deal with rejection. LEARNING how to deal with it - meaning we have to go through it to learn how to handle it properly. Instead of perceiving that WE ourselves are rejected as a person and individual - we have to learn that it is the RELATIONSHIP that has been rejected - i mean, do we expect EVERYONE to want a relationship with us taht we want a relationship with?? …lol.. no. we dont all match. We have to learn how to take rejection and how to reject. You have to learn how to say no without feeling guilt.. otherwise you will allow yourself to get into all sorts of situations that harm yourself and others. Its ok to have standards, direction, and purpose - and its ok to also stand firm in that.
  
  And you’ll get lots of various opinions on here - but mine is to go to her directly, gently, and realize all you can do is try and communicate with her the best you can - and make sure she knows your not putting her down as a person and individual and young woman - shes just not what your looking for - and there are millions of guys and girls on this planet…. and just because your not interested in her dont mean another guy wont be. Its still likely to hurt her feelings - but the better you can communicate so shes not left with thinking things and go ahead and let her ask her questions then - well … it can help. You cant “not hurt” everyone. But you can learn how to properly present yourself an communicate with everyone.
  
  - written 1 month, 1 week ago – voted for by Gamerkc, emmmmmma

• (2 votes) I really need help.
  

  With the little information that i know from your post - I’ll say this.
  
  If you are behaving a way you dont want to behave - you can go about changing it in one or two ways - or both:
  
  1. You find out what is causing the feelings. Because nearly every action begins with an emotion or feeling of some sort… it acts as a caytlist - or - triggor. When you find what feelings are triggoring your actions - you can then find where you started reacting that way when those feelings arrise.. like.. at what point did you start developing the habbit of responding to those feelings in the way you are? Then you can pin point where your “habbit” of thought developed - and thus the reactions that you so well know began. YOu contined to solidify that thought pattern whenever those feelings would arise from circumstances in your life - and then it started to evolve into your character. And no - it is almost second nature to react the way you do and respond to situations in which those same feelings arise. It could have even gotten tothe point now to where the feelings dont even always have to be there - you just habitually interact with your life in this manner now. So first - you can find out where it all origionated and started to grow.
  
  2. Next, you develop new habbits by changing your thought process. The things you allow yourself to DWELL on . The same feelings will come on you - and spark the same reactory thoughts… but then.. when that little fleeting thought suddenly pops into your head.. you have a choice: do waht you’ve always done and dwell on it and support it and let it grow and cause a physical response (an action), or you can stop, realize that those thoughts are not truth and do not properly reflect the reality of the situation, replace them with the truth and whats REALLY going on, and then avoid the habitual action that you’ve always given yourself over to. - how often will you have to do this? ..lol… as many times in the day as you feel the way you feel taht causes you to think the way you think. Could be 30 times could be 100… who knows. Depends on how much this has sunk into your character. And what makes this process so hard (much harder than when you established it) is that now you’ll have to go AGAINST your feelings and your initial thoughts in order to change the way you think, accept that new truth, and then make your body submit to it.. including your mouth..lol. It will be totally a matter of your own will. Totally.
  
  So - thats my suggestions. Good luck dear. Hope you beat this. Cuz you can if you realyl want to. With understanding comes power.
  
  - written 1 month, 2 weeks ago – voted for by frogs_rock0, Anubis

• (2 votes) how can i tell if i like a guy?
  

  Dear - your wanting us to tell you how you feel about a guy? I cant do that. Because i am not you! … but .. i will give you this bit of advice.
  
  Dating is much like an evaluation period. It is a time when you step into the other persons world and let them step in yours… and you get to both see the life one another lives, how they interact with family and friends, how they respond to failure and success, their temperment, how they relate to the opiset sex, what level of self respect and purpose they are operating at, their plans for their life, where their life is presently and how it got there - and you get to just act like a sponge and soak it all up. … you then take that information and lay it down next to yours and decide - ok,.. is this guy a good potential life partner? Can our lives coenside? Will i be able to live the life i want and he be able to live the life he wants if we combine our lives? ARE WE A GOOD MATCH? - if yes - continue dating - if no - stop. Its that simple. BUT>>> what can complicate things is when our emotions get involved. We “fall in love” - we “get attached” - we start to “need them”…. and when we see some potential things that would say ,,”um, wait, yall may not be a good match” - we get a bit frantic and frustrated because we see a potential to lose them! And oh no! we cant do that!… why? Because we FEEL such and such about them… we love them! They are so amazing because of how i FEEL about them and how they make me FEEL! - so we attempt to start to debate over actions (the very things wer are to be evaluating to see if we are a good match) and start trying to change their actions to better fit and so we can say “we’re a good match” ..and ultimately get to keep our feelings and them and not have to go through the detatchment process. …. which totally defeates the purpose of healthy dating. - but people do it every day. And we have a lot of emotionally scarred and emotionally confused peopel out there because we develop habbits of letting our emotions run our life rather than reality run our life.
  
  And if this guy has a girlfriend already - surely you know the answer to that. Your either going to try and get him away from her and develop his character to be uncommitted and wavering in relationships and just be drawn to whatever woman draws him out and start getting used to and likeing that sort of attention - or - you’ll be undermining that girl and ..well.. consider being in her shoes - it just wouldnt be proper at all.
  
  So do you like this guy? It sounds like you do. Do you like him romantically? Dont know.. is he a good match for you? dont know. When him and this lady are no longer dating - go suggest you get to know each other better and start dating him - just be careful of giving to much of yourself to him. I dont know what kind of woman you are - but if you want want to be able to make clear and healthy decisions - be careful not to let your emotions get in the way. Keep you to you until you konw for sure..AND>>> HE KNOWS for sure.
  
  - written 1 month, 2 weeks ago – voted for by Dorian Valentine, Opeth

• (2 votes) Someone I thought I had really liked was drunk today.
  

  We all make choices and we choose things that are reflective of our character. Maybe he likes to get drunk every once in a while. You have no right to get mad at for the choices he makes if you are the one who wants to befriend him as he is.
  
  There are millions of people in this world. We each have our own personalities and character qualities. Our own values and desires. Our own goals and asperations. We run into these people all the time. And some we end up wanting to be friends with. But rarely do we know all about them the first go around. Getting to know someone takes time and you have to go through things together. Sometimes we end up finding out they are a greater person than we thought. … other times we find out they are not like we thought they were. … either way… not everyone is compatable friendwise with everyone else. I dont hang out with people who drink and go clubbing not because i think they are bad people - but because that is not what i value at all..and i think personally its stupid. Someone else may not and so have friends that do that. We’re all different and thats ok. But when we find smoeone who is not what we thought and is not compatable with us - and who does things we find offensive or wrong or immoral or whatever - we can either put up with it and remain friends and just ‘be ok’ with it (because people are who they are)… or we can decide to call off the friendship becasue personality differences would cause to much conflict and make things end much worse and cause both of us to become frustrated. …
  
  If you dont like him getting drunk infront of you and losing control (which is what happens often when we get drunk) …. then tell him you didnt appreciate him talking to you when hes like that. If he dont really care - then there is a great lack of respect there between you two and you probably dont need the so called “friendship” anyway. …. you have a choice who you hang out with. You cant change people - and when we do end up trying to change people… bad things usually happen. You accept him as he is or find someone else. If he likes to drink - expect more things like this in the future. Be realistic.
  
  - written 1 month, 3 weeks ago – voted for by 2511, chev.jame

Last 5 Replies – All 2,920 replies »

• Is there such a thing as “Forgive and Forget” ?
  

  Forgiveness doesnt mean forgetting. Infact.. if you forget - what is there to forgive then?? lol. Nothing that comes in our life is really and truely best forgotten. Everything that comes into our life effects us in some way, postively or negitively. And we can either grow and develop from it by using it (even the bad things) or let those bad instances weigh us down… like mistakes…guilt.. regret.. painful memories.. hurt. They can control us or we can choose to use them and gain more control over ourselves and our destiny. Its all in what you are determined to do. But forgetting nulls out everything - and makes any feelings which come from those “forgotten things” seem irrelvant and stupid. And feelings and memories and thoughts we end up battling become a much bigger deal than they need to be… so instead.. remember them.. and use them. Thats my opinion.
  
  And as far as taking her back… well.. it is true that people can change. And its also true that how people act and the choices they make reflect who they really are. They may or may not STAY the person they presently are - they may see a great need for change within themselves and change. Or they may just do something to ease the tension and passify the person they hurt and really not do much “real changing”. I cheated on my husband - we had a horriable marriage - and it wasnt excusable, but i gave myself permission to do what i did. Now though, i have changed a great deal inwardly and would never let myself fall to a place where i would consider making something like taht even close to permissiable. I changed, and we now have a wonderful marriage… better than what we ever had.. and the affair made us face a lot of things we otherwise would not have faced. But we BOTH WANTED TO finally face them. What kind of relatinoship you can have with her now will be totally dependent on the determination of you and of her. You cant change her - she has to change her. And if you cannot deal with the reality of the situation - that she also gave herself permission to cheat on you (though your just dating..it still hurts) then it may not be wise to date her again.
  
  Yall both need to sit and have a good long serious talk. Find out why she told herself it was ok to cheat on you with her best friend… why did she do it? If she cant answer you - i’d not get back with her. And if you both can find some common ground to start building on, that too can be a big problem. You have to have a starting place for healing. Keep communication totally open. let her own her own problem and mistakes. Develop your own character qualities. Be honest. Dont hide - even if you fear being hurt. And take it slow. Its a lot of work to heal - but it can be done. But not by one. Has to be by two.
  - written 1 hour, 2 minutes ago

• i hate my life so much i just don’t care any more.
  

  Surely. Just be careful. There are other ways to cope, but often it is through trial and error that we learn what ways are best and most beneficial to us. When school is over - and your out on your own - new experiences will come, and new perspectives will be shaped. Its rare that our old ways become profitable to us after we leave highschool - so with that new lifestyle will come new encounters and new realizations. Just dont let your heart become so hard that you miss them and become unshapable. Good luck dear. Sorry things are so hard right now. Endure them, because life comes in phases. Keep your focus on what is best for you and what direction you ultimately want your life to go. Youll get there … as long as you dont give up.
  - written 1 hour, 16 minutes ago

• i hate my life so much i just don’t care any more.
  

  If your mom wants to be a “u know what”… then let her. People dont always make the best decisions. And sadly enough - sometimes others bad decisions overflow into our own life and end up effecting us too.
  
  And about your solution - you certaintly can do that if you want. Just keep in mind that whatever habbits you develop now - you will likely continue into adult hood. Your seniro here is where there is pain - hide yourself away so you cant be touched. Where there is no pain - no threat on your personhood or potential for serious rejection - be yourself. Reasonable, but just keep in mind what this could potentially develop into with your future relatinoships or marriage… because they to have their fair share of pain and rejection. … especially if you want to try and work things out after a fall out or something. Old habbits are hard to break. And this is a copeing skill your creating. Make sure its waht you want.
  - written 1 hour, 32 minutes ago

• i hate my life so much i just don’t care any more.
  

  Let people own their own problems and their own choices. Makes for a lot less emotional stressing life.
  
  And im all for achieving balance in life, especially emotionally. Emotions play an essential part in our life, but they were never ment to control our life.
  - written 1 hour, 39 minutes ago

• How to get my ex back?
  

  Sweety - we’re not here to test people. We evaluate them to see if they are compatable with us, have the same values, desires, goals, views of whats important in a relationship, money handling, and other essentials. If dating a virgin is one of your essentials - then stick with it. But we dont “test” people. And we certaintly dont put up our walls and see who can be dedicated enough to push past them and get to “us”…. we should show the truth of who we are (because we are secure enough to do so). Not hide and see if they can find us.
  
  And its quite understandable how she feels. And the deed is done. Some things we cant fix. You cant take back the things you said or the way you made her feel. And she may never want to come back. And you may have to live with that. But either way - whether she does or does not come back - you can walk away from this learning a great deal if you wish to. Thats what mistakes are for. To make us wiser. Use it. Gain wisdom for the next time… whether its with her or not.
  
  If she doesnt want to come back - that is her choices. We cant control another persons will. It may be at the cost of a broken heart and lots of regret - but sometimes thats how life has to go. Just dont waist this.
  - written 1 hour, 41 minutes ago

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