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Last 7 Posts Authored

• My boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me and I need an outside perspective on the situation. posted (7 months, 2 weeks) ago
  It wasn’t a bad break up. He was kind and we were civil, though I did cry and cry and cry. We …

• I worry excessively, how do I stop? posted (10 months, 2 weeks) ago
  For the past month I have been unemployed and have worried about my job. Before that I was worried …

• Did I lose my shot at a job offer? posted (10 months, 2 weeks) ago
  I’ve been interviewing with this company and they really like me. I met with their CEO yester…

• What should I do about a screaming, unstable boss? posted (1 year) ago
  I just got a new job a month ago. It’s the job of my dreams, really, but the boss is starting…

• Boyfriend of 2 years doesn’t want to move in together. posted (1 year) ago
  I have bad mood swings associated with PMS and he says he wants to see me happier before he’ll…

• My boyfriend wants space. posted (1 year) ago
  I have horrible PMS and the other night I had the worst breakdown ever. I told my boyfriend that i d…

• Boyfriend wants space. posted (1 year) ago
  My PMS can be really horrible sometimes. The other night I had a total hormonal meltdown, broke thin…

• All Claimed Posts »

enkindled's Top (4) Replies by other users' votes

• (1 vote) Who should pay on a date?
  

  In the beginning of a relationship I always let the man pay if he wants. I may offer a little financial help (if you buy the movie, I’ll by the snacks). Offering to split a tab 50/50, also known as “Going Dutch”, is something that friends do. If the guy is interested in being more than friends then he may be disheartened by your urge to pay.
  
  - written 10 months, 2 weeks ago – voted for by nolateri

• (1 vote) Me and my boyfriend have been going out for 6 1/2 months.
  

  Have you asked him what’s up? You should do this casually and take his answer calmly. If he says “nothing” or doesn’t want to talk about it leave him be. Find stuff to keep yourself occupied for a week or so and let him contact you. He might just need a little space.
  
  - written 1 year ago – voted for by piglatte9

• (1 vote) Please help!
  

  You need time away from him to sort out your feelings. Keeping an ex around as a friend after a breakup almost always jumbles up emotions. I would keep some distance until you were absolutely sure of your feelings.
  
  - written 1 year, 3 months ago – voted for by luck cluck chloe

• (1 vote) Should I go to the Tool concert with my male “just friend”?
  

  [quote eunique]hahaaa a apple juice ~ that blank stare? yeah he thought he was starting something, lol - then thought how he was paying to take you to a show, to only drop you off at your boyfriend’s house … yeah, ah, noo …. hahaa
  
  oh, and now your boyfriend feels like crap cause he can’t afford it right now … i’d squeeze him a little harder when you do see him again … *smile[/quote]
  Good point…but I think the only reason the other guy can afford it is because he still lives with his parents.
  
  - written 1 year, 4 months ago – voted for by Dr. Ralph

Last 5 Replies – All 87 replies »

• My boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me and I need an outside perspective on the situation.
  

  [quote cOZmonaut]coercing a man to live with you is not commitment, it does not imply commitment, and it does not guarantee commitment. i think you got your priorities wrong. you got too caught you in trying to make him into the man you want him to be, instead of just accepting him for who he is.[/quote]
  
  
  I was honestly concerned about this as well, but he was the man I wanted him to be. And the man I possibly wanted to marry and have kids with. It hurt very badly when I started to realize that this may never happen. I didn’t want him to change, but I did have to believe that we would have a future together to feel happy in the relationship…call it a type of “faith” or “trust,” if you will, that things would work out. When he did not show that he could share a living space with me it took away my faith in us. No move in means no marriage which means no kids. And I just couldn’t understand that if he loved me enough to have sex with me, play video games with me, go on outings with me, hang out with his friends together, and do eachother’s laundry then why couldn’t we live together?
  - written 7 months, 2 weeks ago

• My boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me and I need an outside perspective on the situation.
  

  [quote lexy]It must be hard for you kinda losing someone you we’re very closed to and in love with but from my point of view it probably was the right desicion since you wanted to move forward and he didn’t, maybe he wasn’t ready or maybe he didn’t want to lose his freedom and do you really want to be with someone that doesn’t want to give up “freedom” for you? Try not to feel like its your fault and blame yourself because all you wanted is to move forward with person you love.. and it just show what he think of the relationship by not trying to contact you for so long. But if you do really want to be with him n u really think he’s worth it then maybe you shud wait another week just to give him sum space but then see how he’s feeling about the situation and tell him how you feel. Best of luck[/quote]
  
  Thank you. I don’t know how I feel now. He definitely did not want to give up his freedom and thought that if we moved in together that he would lose friends and that I might not want him to go out without me. I was very disturbed when he told me this because I honestly do not know what I did to make him think that I would want to take over his life like that and ban him from happiness. I don’t want to be the first to contact him, because I was the first to want us to have a relationship and the first to drop the “L” word. I refuse to be the first to break this silence. I think that he is commitment phobic and that my biggest mistake was not leaving before getting attached, but he would always say or do things that would give me hope. Like, he actually DID start talking about moving in briefly once after I had given up on the idea. He looked at an apartment with me once, but when it came down to me signing a lease and finding out where he was…he said, “I haven’t really been thinking about it.” That distroyed me because his brief mention of him moving in with me was enough to get me dreaming and fantasizing about our future again.
  - written 7 months, 2 weeks ago

• Morgan Freeman says Obama is not the first black president.
  

  LoL. Morgan Freeman is a G.
  - written 10 months, 2 weeks ago

• Why does our society glorify bad boys and bad girl behavior?
  

  I don’t really understand, although I was once one of these girls. I think it has something to do with a certain immaturity. I was a teenager when I went through my bad-boy phase. Part of the reason I chose bad boys was, honestly, just to piss my parents off. I think when you are that age you try to be rebellous, so you pick a mate that is just as or more rebellous than you are. Now that I am in my late 20’s, however, I steer clear of bad boys. I cherish nothing more than a sweet and caring man. I am also a huge fan of nerds. In the end, bad boys either grow up, are divorced, or go to jail.
  - written 10 months, 2 weeks ago

• I worry excessively, how do I stop?
  

  nolateri: That seems like a good strategy. I have read that you can devote a time of the day to let yourself worry (as you do in the morning) and then let go of it for the rest of the day. That way your mind can think “I’ll worry about this later,” and not fixate on it as you go through your day.
  
  Do you ever notice that your worries kind of go along with your cycle? Like, 2-3 weeks of the month I feel calm and like I have my thoughts collected, but then when it’s that time of the month (may the men in the room forgive me) my mind goes on overdrive and then it’s negative worry after worry. I’ve noticed this pattern and wonder if some of my issue is biochemical.
  - written 10 months, 2 weeks ago

enkindled's conversations are tagged:

boyfriend, relationship, depression, Person, New town, Thought, Relationships, pms, friends, Experience, wondering, girl, Mistake, Wanted, school, Completely, anxiety, dating, Feel, Month, girlfriend, months, Everyday, contact, Right Now