moonlightsupper's reply history at Help.com

He likes you and wants to talk to you. I think he is hoping you will be braver than him and talk to him first.

This is obviously messing with your mind and that’s not fair. Also, I think she is right in that she doesn’t know what she wants and she doesn’t know how to get it. She feels very insecure about men and is keeping her options open and playing mind games to get confirmation that a guy really likes her. It sounds like she is in two minds, not able to make a decision.

I personally would back-off completely and let her figure out what she really wants to do. So long as you are always there she will not see your ‘true value’ in her life. Set her free in your mind and see if she comes back on a different level and knowing what she really wants. It will also give your mind a rest.

You are a genius. Well done.

Once faced with a sudden heart-break the initial reaction is one of shock and horror. You ‘think’ you can’t make it and you ‘think’ it will never be over. May take time, but the pain WILL eventually BE OVER.

Now, you can start helping yourself by focusing on yourself rather than your emotional reaction to what happened. I know its not easy to deny feelings, Im not asking you to do that, but I will suggest that you try not to keep thinking or talking about all the negative thoughts in this post. Its like constantly picking a wound that you desperately want to heal. Yes, acknowledge it, feel it, accept it but don’t empower it in your life by nursing and rehearsing what you can do nothing about except make it bigger than it actually is- there is no need for it to create a victim out of you.

You have strength within you to overcome this. You now know you are too good for him and you deserve much better. That’s not far-fetched thinking, you just need to let go of the past.

((Hugs))

This I find this has got a ‘high-heart-melt-factor’:

“I hope you don’t find this inappropriate, but I want you to know you mean so much to me and I think of you a lot”

This may sound unimaginable to you right now, but one day you will laugh at how much power you are giving this guy over you. Do you really want to continue like this? Do you honestly want to give up YOUR life while he goes on to enjoy his? Do you realise how many relationship opportunities are waiting to unfold in your life if you would just let go of this insensitive dork?

You want him to make you feel special, that you are the one and only in his life, well its not likely to happen is it? not with this one anyway …. to be honest, why should he if you are there for him EVEN when he is so blatantly emotionally abusive towards you?

You have to somehow take your power back. Stand proud of yourself and tell yourself you can do much better. Yes, it will hurt real bad, yes, you will feel like the world is going to end and that there is no one that will fill his place….Not so. Just remind yourself its natural to feel like this and time will help you. Know that as you make that move, you are on your way on to recovery not a possibility of re-living the same mess and pain over and over again. Tell yourself that you have a lot of respect for yourself to allow someone to treat you bad. Tell yourself you are doing the right thing and that one day you will find the perfect person for you. Rest assured that your sad and tormenting feelings are just temporary feelings.

You owe it to yourself, ditch the guy today and save your love to someone far more deserving. ((Hug))

Yeah need more info

“but I feel like he doesn’t let me talk or doesn’t pay attention to what I say.”

****ALARM BELLS!!!***

He sounds controlling, get out before you get too heavily involved and don’t sign anything or do anything you don’t want to do.

If you can live without knowing, don’t go there.

I honestly don’t think this guy is interested in a relationship. I also think because he knows you like him, he thinks you will end up encouraging him to go further physically than he would like or perhaps manage :) Afterall, he has let you down previously and he may feel embarrassed and doesn’t want to go ‘there’ again. He may want to keep the relationship at a distance so he doesn’t loose you as a friend and at the same time not cause unnecessary hassle for himself.

That’s my take based on what you said. I know you said you want to keep him as a best friend but honestly, ask yourself, is that all you want? I am sure he picked up the vibes from you that you want more.

Im fairly certain that none of what I said is what you wanted to hear, but I really don’t want you to suffer thinking its your fault. It isn’t. No everyone we like will like us back in the same way. They have their own reasons and we should learn to accept that and move on.

He knows where you are should he change his mind. For now, try to forget him and move on to someone who can appreciate what you have to offer.

One of the biggest traps we set for ourselves and fall into, is make assumptions about how the other person feels before, during and even when a relationship ends. Whats worse is that we make assumptions based on our way of thinking and our experiences and how we should and should not handle things.

The key facts in all this is that you went out, you had a good time, you obviously made him welcome, but he has not reciprocated- yet. Does this mean its over? NO. Not necessarily. You have no idea what demons he is wrestling with and is perhaps worrying about falling for you. Maybe he just needs time. But then again, maybe not.

I know its really difficult to do- cause believe you me, I have been right where you are- but try not to over-think things. Just keep dragging your thoughts back to reality and always ask, do I really know this for a fact? If not, just let the thoughts go because they don’t matter if they are not true and are likely to frustrate you without accomplishing anything.

You seem to have done your best with this guy, just leave it with him. If he comes back, then terrific if he doesn’t well you are already on your way with life. You can’t loose.

The best thing you can do for yourself is pluck up the courage to move on with your life without him. Don’t look back, don’t pity yourself and definitely don’t hurt yourself more by trying to get back with him. Refuse to accept that no one wants you because there is always someone out there just right for you. You just need to make some effort, be positive, and keep an open mind.

I don’t think people set off intentionally to lead you on, its just that sometimes and for some undisclosed reason, the other person has a change of heart/ mind. The reason is more often than not, has to do with them and not you- e.g. a sudden feeling of insecurity and a feeling of not measuring up.

Yes and I remain intrigued as to what you were otherwise trying to achieve from the visit?
but I guess that’s none of my business ;)

She is just super excited which is pretty much how most relationships start out- until the novelty wears out. Meeting face to face may change all this. For now, just go along and see if you want to take things further and then decide.