It is always good to say your likings before these items are worked upon. As creating these items require about 50 hours of attention. I will bear your desires in mind if the future, but I shall have to rest a bit.
Well. . .I have good news and I have. . . better news.
It’s all done.
Both of them.
You have an animated portrait (a still)
an animated Avatar (this one moves).
Soon I will download them into the Tiny Pic host-site and provide you the links.
Save them to your desktop first.
If you like the Avatar, upload it to Help from your desktop because some things about Help are broken.
Will see you soon.
Sometimes I am Big Alone. I live alone. Just one person in my home - me.
Am I big? Yes and no. I’m under six feet tall. Average. I suppose I am big in spirit.
Where do I animate pictures?
Well, I have art programs. Paint Shop Pro allows me to create or enhance images. a plus I make many many copies with slight differences.
Then, I have Animation Shop. This allows me to put all those different copies together like a movie film. This makes the image move.
Then, all those images are compressed into a single file.
My Avatar has about 24 frames.
So far, my days are okay. Yet, they could always be better, right?
My real name? Some of my real name is Al. Most of my real name is Allan. You may call me Al.:)
The Avatar is me. Yes, it ALL animated.
Am I a big guy? I don’t know. Sometimes I am Big Alone. . .
Fear nothing while you live in mans world.
Let nothing in the way of who you are.
I’m trying as carefully as I can to bring the shade of your lips around to the same color of purple as the V in your robe. Also, I’ve opened your eyes and brightened them - they are dark brown, but just light enough that I’ve gave you pupils and put twinkles in them. I’ve taken out some of the fray from your hair and am slightly unifying the color.
Yup. You’re becomming animated.
Some of the trouble is, you still look too real? So, I’m going to narrow the color channel even further. However, if I don’t, you still look animated, but more on a scale that has been painted.
Hey. . .I see that you just invited to a post. Looks pretty sad. Let’s see what that’s about. . .
So far I have download your Av and opened it up in Paint Shop Pro. I have expanded the image to 1024X1024 so that I have the room to work with it.
I really like your av - the surrounding colors are simple and, if you don’t mind me saying, you are lovely.
I think, if I were to put this into actual motion, I would eleminate the background and create a starlit night that gives ways to a morning sunrise. It’s just a thought for now, I’ll see what’s best for it as I go.
We should begin with your present avatar.
This would be rather difficult because the photo is very natural and detail is small.
But, that is okay because I like challenges.
Right now, something simple.
And, of course, you will see the creation - I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I use Tiny Pic as a net host, so when I’m done I will provide you a link to the image.
Allow me a few days. I will get back with you.
I am considered by many to be a digital arts master, Even though this is not the case, I like to create digital artwork. Some of the Avatars you see here at help are creations I have done for my friends.
I cannot promise you how good I am, but I would be honored to animate your face or build you a moving Avatar.
-Big Al One -
Some doctors might, a treatment center is the best place for CODA.
Treatment centers originaly were set up to deal with alcohoism. Many then started to deal with drug addiction. Now they deal with depression and CODA issues, sex addiction, gambling, overspending etc… So make sure it is a treatment center that covers everything and that will be the right one for you. Tell your Dad that you are suffering from depression or something like that and ask him if he will pay for yoiu to go. They are expensive but if he can afford it then do it.
It would have been impossible for me to straighten myself out with out the help of others and the treatment center gives you a flying start. That said, if you keep going to a church (if your Dad cant afford the treatment center) then your thinking will start to come around for the good. It is just a slower process because it is less intense.
I think you should go but the father is unlikely to know much about codependency. That is a more specialist subject that is covered by the fellowship of CODA.
You could talk to him about how you are feeling, personally I would just go and listen to what is being said, for me it kind of reached my soul, listening to the word of God but different people connect more powerfully with God in different ways, for me it is the word, for some it is the praise for others it is the fellowship and the community for some it is spending time in his creation, etc…
Definitely go though, that would be my advice.
I am ok, have had a good day, spent a lot of time reading from some web sites about God. Feel quite refreshed and encouraged.
How has your day been?
Shame about the church thing, the Christians have quite a different approach (more grace based than deeds based) to God than the Muslim faith. (If what I have been told about Islam is correct)
You can call me James, it is my surname however I am worried as I have a distinctive first name that if I put it in here someone may happen across it one day and I post a lot of really personal stuff when I share back to people that I would not want repeated. I may be paranoid! I hope you understand :)
I have had a rough day today, my mind has been messing with me alot. Another name for the devil is ‘the accuser’ and that is what I have had all day to day. I ‘buy into’ the accusations less than I used to but some days they are really strong. I have had to trust God today that all this is heading somewhere.
If you like you can share some specific incidents (particularly your thinking) with me (I understand if you dont want to its fine) I ask you to because one of the great things I learnt that really helped was to stop generalizing about my problems and get specific (and honest) and verbalize my thoughts and my feelings. It is quite a revelation some times!, what is really going on for me!
So for example today, I met an important client of mine by chance as I was visiting one of his sites. He is infact my most important client. Straight after my mind started analyzing the very brief meeting we had (we were just passing in the car park) and started to pull me to pieces. My mind told me ‘You are a looser, you cut him off when he was trying to speak, you idiot, I hate you’ now the truth of this was that in my enthusiasm of seeing him I did more of the talking but it WAS a conversation, not me just ranting at him like a mad man like my mind was trying to tell me it was. Then my mind told me ‘you look a f+cking mess today, you look like a bloody joke’ now the truth is I could do with a hair cut but given the circumstances (it was raining alot) it is hard to look your best at all times. Also he is a different business league to me (that is the truth) and has to dress smarter than me. I was well presented for the role I was in for today.
Now interestingly for me if I had not typed that to you (there fore owning and challenging my thought process) then it would have carried on getting bigger and bigger in my mind.
Also it reminds me that I am trying to do his thinking for him (more insane and arrogant behaviour) but that is another story!
Share if you like about what is really going on for you, it will help :)
Anger for me generaly stems from fear. Fear comes from a lack of trust in God. If I (truly) believe that there is an all powerful loving God (Christian for me) and that he has my best interests at heart to grow as a person and that my needs will be met when I am ready, not when I think I am ready, (!) then my fear is reduced.
Also my thinking can be straightened out. I have spent alot of time worrying about the future, not living in the moment, imagaining possible scenarios and running them through my mind. These imagainings are so real in my mind that I can get real feelings from them about a totaly made up situation, (such is the power of thought). I need to keep it real (sharing honestly and openly with my trusted friends) and I need to keep it in the day. (not indulging my imagination) also to fill my mind with new stuff I read the Bible and other spiritual materials to advance my understanding of God.
Your local Christian church may well be able to help. The reason that I did not mention it first up is that it is important to find people who you identify with, that is why I suggested CODA. The problem I have found with church in the UK is people are not as open and honest (some are many arent) as they are in the fellowship meetings. That said the message (provided it is Bible based) the minister will talk about during the service is really powerful. The Bible centers on the thinking of a man, which is the thing that has been so messed up with me, the battle (for your mind) with the great deciever (the devil, the father of lies) I would recomend going to your nearest church and seeing if it helps.
Once I looked closely at my thinking and started to understand it a bit better I could see how many lies were mixed up with a little bit of truth, in my thinking. These lies though were keeping me from living an effective life and I had no idea it was going on. It is really interesting stuff and if you have a good minister then the word of God really can sort you out.
After a while you get better at being open to God and he can bring revelation to you personaly. To start with though I was such a mess there was no hope of Him getting through to me with out the help of people!!!
Not sure what treatment centers are like in bangladesh. If you went to a westernized one you would be ok. The assumption is that you are not dealing well with life and it is not the same at all as being in a mental assylum (for the really crazy people)
The idea of a treatment center is that they can correctly diagnose you (the self is not often a good judge of what is truly wrong with the self) and then give you a flying start with the skills required for a new life (trying to live your life differently than before)
In the UK (where I am based) they are really expensive but if you have the money, worth it. Not sure how wealthy you are but with a good command of english like you have you would be able to travel to USA or UK to go to one.
Another thing, when I say identify with people, it does not have to be the whole group! just a few people, to hear some one else verbalize your pain or story (by sharing their own experience) especially when you are unable to do it yourself (for what ever reason) is quite something!!!
You would probably want to ask that person to be your sponsor if they have done the steps and are willing to do it :)
I’m not sure if you know but I’m an ordained minister… “Padre” is a title given to clergy members in the military and sometimes to people who hold a position as chaplain.
And as I’m the unofficial chaplain here at help I thought it appropriate :D
The way it works is you go to several meetings and see if you identify with what is being said. You then ask someone to be your ’sponsor’ and they will guide you through the steps. They will do it for free because that is how it was done for them.
One of the most important thing about the meetings though is fellowship. To be around people who are emotionally/mentally messy and people who have had experience in trying to do things differently is great. It is so different to social settings and it is refreshing for the soul.
It may not be for you but you will not know unless you try. Certainly learning the life skills that are on offer in the twelve step program will help you regardless of whether you stick around or not. I had no life skills at all and was a real basket case when it came to emotions, I could not identify or talk about them and now I can do it freely. But it is not just about emotions, more of a problem is the thinking and it looks at that as well. Fear was a big part of my life and whilst it has not been magicaly removed I have tried new ways to live my life with the support of the fellowship and I have much more genuine confidence about myself and my limitations, what I like, asserting boundaries, not people pleasing etc…
Treatment centers are good but for me I would want one with a twelve step program. Can you afford (or your parents afford) that option?
You can probably look up your nearest meetings from that web site.