thecarny's profile at Help.com

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Last 7 Posts Authored

• Best site to order books online from? posted (1 year, 4 months) ago
  I know Amazon, eBay etc, but are there any specialist sites which give good shipping/deals?…

• Tumblr or Wordpress? posted (1 year, 5 months) ago
  Which one is more user friendly? Which one is easier to upload photos to, and customise? Is there …

• Chuck some random titles at me. posted (1 year, 5 months) ago
  Blog titles, place names, song titles, band names, beer names (they’re always creative, at le…

• BookFace. posted (1 year, 5 months) ago
  Good or evil. What do you think about Facebook? Do you think it’s a good thing to be able t…

• What is worse: posted (1 year, 5 months) ago
  Shame, rage, or jealousy? If you’re feeling chatty, why?…

• Making yourself exercise! posted (1 year, 5 months) ago
  I always feel motivated to, but at the last minute, I don’t bother. Always regret it later b…

• Melbourne or Sydney? posted (1 year, 5 months) ago
  I’ve lived in Scotland, travelled over Europe and I’m originally from Perth. I’v…

• All Claimed Posts »

thecarny's Top (1) Replies by other users' votes

• (1 vote) I’ve been going out with my boyfriend (P) for about 15 months, I’m 21 and he’s 20.
  

  You simply got involved in what’s called a “self-fulfilling prophecy”, look it up. My motto is “those who trust least can least be trusted”, as I used to be one of those people, and did something similar to what you did, so I’m NOT judging you!
  
  I don’t think you need to just chill - I agree that you do - but you need to work on yourself a little. Get involved in things you like, make new friends, do different things, challenge yourself, write a blog, take photos - do ANYTHING that gives you some self identity. Because it sounds like you don’t know who you are, and when it does eventually end (and it only can, a good guy will not put up with that kind of behaviour) you will be totally lost. I can’t blame you that your boyfriend gave you a lot of confidence, but you need to be a strong, independent, self sufficient woman.
  
  Believe in yourself more, instead of relying on your boyfriend for your emotional fulfilment and self worth (I can’t even express how dangerous that situation is), MAKE yourself like and admire yourself. Do your own things. Make a name for yourself among your friends by doing something - maybe get really into fitness, or writing, or working, fashion, art, or an instrument.
  
  May I also advise that you do NOT come clean about lying for 15 months. That sounds bad, but just see this as a clean cut. He doesn’t need to hear that his trust for 15 months was slightly misplaced (I truly mean that in the nicest way possible) especially as the situation is so fragile. Just take this as an extreme learning curve, and don’t do it again.
  
  As someone previously stuck in a situation of CONSTANT paranoia and now totally over it, believe me when I say that unless you make conscious change nothing will be different. And when you do, the sense of freedom and weightlessness is immense! You’ll have so much more fun together, and feel like such an amazing person for it :)
  
  Best of luck :)
  
  - written 1 year, 4 months ago – voted for by Tymbus

Last 5 Replies – All 50 replies »

• How should I deal with this?
  

  Let this one go… It doesn’t seem likely that she could be very faithful if that’s what she’s like. You’ve already said you were “shocked”. It doesn’t seem like she’s presenting a very honest picture of herself to you. I think that if something developed here, you would have a right to be constantly paranoid and suspicious.
  She knows she’s an attention seeker, and there’s no other reason why she’d post something like that on Facebook except for the instant attention. Don’t get sucked into this sh!t.
  - written 1 year, 2 months ago

• How should I display my writing?
  

  1: The links to another site with longer stories might be a bit off putting.
  
  2: Bit messy.
  
  3: Best option, sounds really good!
  
  4: This is also pretty good.
  
  Good luck, let us know when you get it up and running :)
  - written 1 year, 3 months ago

• I’ve been going out with my boyfriend (P) for about 15 months, I’m 21 and he’s 20.
  

  You simply got involved in what’s called a “self-fulfilling prophecy”, look it up. My motto is “those who trust least can least be trusted”, as I used to be one of those people, and did something similar to what you did, so I’m NOT judging you!
  
  I don’t think you need to just chill - I agree that you do - but you need to work on yourself a little. Get involved in things you like, make new friends, do different things, challenge yourself, write a blog, take photos - do ANYTHING that gives you some self identity. Because it sounds like you don’t know who you are, and when it does eventually end (and it only can, a good guy will not put up with that kind of behaviour) you will be totally lost. I can’t blame you that your boyfriend gave you a lot of confidence, but you need to be a strong, independent, self sufficient woman.
  
  Believe in yourself more, instead of relying on your boyfriend for your emotional fulfilment and self worth (I can’t even express how dangerous that situation is), MAKE yourself like and admire yourself. Do your own things. Make a name for yourself among your friends by doing something - maybe get really into fitness, or writing, or working, fashion, art, or an instrument.
  
  May I also advise that you do NOT come clean about lying for 15 months. That sounds bad, but just see this as a clean cut. He doesn’t need to hear that his trust for 15 months was slightly misplaced (I truly mean that in the nicest way possible) especially as the situation is so fragile. Just take this as an extreme learning curve, and don’t do it again.
  
  As someone previously stuck in a situation of CONSTANT paranoia and now totally over it, believe me when I say that unless you make conscious change nothing will be different. And when you do, the sense of freedom and weightlessness is immense! You’ll have so much more fun together, and feel like such an amazing person for it :)
  
  Best of luck :)
  - written 1 year, 4 months ago

• Is it just me or is everyone really down at the moment?
  

  I guess you really are as dopey and confused as you look in your avatar :)
  - written 1 year, 5 months ago

• Why am i such a facebook creep?
  

  I second the above… I actually feel lighter without it.
  - written 1 year, 5 months ago

thecarny's conversations are tagged:

Feel, friends, relationship, Thought, Love, girlfriend, Person, Feeling, Family, live, site, anymore, life, boyfriend, trust, months, Facebook, friendly, blog, Week, morning, Find, Unemployment, opinion, Tell Him