Well I did just win 300$ at the casino today and also got 5,000$ back in taxes the other day and also got a 29% pay raise not too long ago. But i want to work on my emotional relationship success. I’ve always been slacking in that department. Maybe its because I watch tv shows like the bachelor way too much and that shows all about fantasy love and all that mushy gushy stuff haha. Today I’m going to think about why I am important. I never just sat down and thought about it.
Thank you once again for your support and great words of wisdom. For the record I dont feel like I lost a friend at all because of this :) and thats great. She just is like another girl on the dating site that I talk to. Doesnt feel any different!
Anonymouse #1 those were some really inspiring words. About how I would never tolerate what Im putting myself through right now. I def need to believe in myself and understand that I COME FIRST, and need to put myself first rather than let someone else control what I am. In the end I want a girl who WANTS ME. She doesnt want me so i dont want anything to do with her. I just need to focus on believing i deserve a better girl ans to be happy. Its gonna be hard and take some time but i got this i think.
Thank you anon #2 for lessening the harsh blow that the other anon gave. You definetly explained in detail very well my thought process and how i create these fantasies that will never exist. I’ve just had bad luck with relationships from day 1 so whenever i find a girl i like i obsess over her because I dont know when ill ever find another one better. I think as of today i have a different outlook after reading both those lasts responses. I have no need to waste energy and thoughts on someone who doesnt feel the same way about me in return. They dont deserve me an i deserve better. The girl thats the one for me will be the one who reciprocates back feelings and emotions for me… Not the one who continues to put me 2nd on her list…
See situations like what just happened now really get to me!!!! Im de-friended the girl from facebook and she tagged a mutual friend of ours in a post saying “Gotta keep on trucking. Off to the Poconos with some of the bestest friends a girl could ask for.” And then tagged her two girlfriends in it.
I then checked her “non-bf’s” facebook and it said he recently added HER as a friend when they have been friends on facebook for months. so CLEARLY something happened… Now its getting to me thinking “omg i have a chance! maybe they broke up!”
I know in the end of the day nothing has changed but she is going away from the weekend with her girlfriends and hopefully things change… Bad hope that i have i know..
You are 100% correct robby. I am waiting for that “Darling, I want you” line. I know the timing was absolutely wrong. She is a serial dater she said so I even told her it never felt like it was ever a good time to tell her so I just did it anyways.
The reason I have that hope is that she said “I just want to see where things go between me and him” since shes committed the past 4 months to him. It’s not like she would just up and leave someone after 4 months.
That is why I have this hope…
I have removed all signs of her and defriended on facebook. All I have left is her phone number in my phone which I’m okay leaving. It’s been 6 days now since we last talked and I am doing better as time goes. Definitely not making any contact with her is HELPING A LOT! I’m definitely not going to wait for a message from her but in the bottom of my heart I feel like she will come to me :(
****** !!!! I was hoping you wouldn’t have caught my previous post!!! AHHH I am caught red handed crap hahahaha. Yahhh well your right :( I am going for the unavailable woman :(
I definitely am taking the right approach and am backing out so I don’t go through that hell again. I guess your right. “Actions speak louder than words” and at the end of the day shes with that other guy and not me. But still think she should give us a try! kinda hope shes thinking about that and all.
It’s okay to have hope but as long as it doesnt take control of me.
She should at least TRY to see if we could ever workout. She already is losing a close friend so the worst that could happen is we dont workout and maybe she will gain a friend back OR things work out great and we fall in love!
Okay I can see what you mean now. In your head it’s like “Shes broken up 3 times! so they are bound to break up for good because clearly its not working”. I definitely think that way as well. BUT she has told you they arent splitting up which means your playing the waiting game and i know thats the worst thing to do. You should never have to wait for ANYONE. That makes you There option. when she needs to be YOUR option.
Women are afraid to be alone which she even told me shes afraid of. Being that she will be 29 really does put a huge burden on her shoulders. If this guy doesnt work out i feel like she owes it to me to give it a shot. Great friendship = great start to a loving relationship. Although once again this is me convincing myself and creating the fantasy world again. P.S. She told me all this stuff about being alone forever BEFORE i told her i cant just be friends with her. It’s been 4 days actually today since we have talked. Which feels like eternity.
I see your situation slightly different and in an important aspect. Your girl said she will never split up. Mine already has given this guy an ultimatum. They are ONLY dating and its been 4 months and he wont be her “BF” yet. She constantly kept saying to me she thinks she will be single forever. So with that being said I cant imagine any possible way that THEY will last at all. And thats why I have hope.
Ive been her friend for 8 years (friendzoned) and all i did was feel hurt and get small bits of hope so i just had to put our friendship on the line and i did. I do feel better that we arent communicating because i did all i could so now its up to her. I will not cave in an text her or anything. I just cant get rid of this stupid hope that shes the one for me and that we will get married someday because she is the perfect wife for me.
very true my man! i always hear you find love when you least expect it. I have a VERY successful job, a huge house at age 28, a sports car, i have it all except the girl. So like you said I’ll focus on myself and maybe someday when shes done with that guy she will give me a chance after looking at my facebook profile pic and seeing me with huge muscles ;)
AnExtendedHand - I always thought good friendships always make the best relationships in the end. I have been online dating for a year now and cant find anything. I am not the type to go to a bar and meet someone so im kinda stuck waiting for someone great to meet from online dating. I met her naturally 8 years ago so those feelings were never forced like they are in online dating. We are both at that age where we want to settle down but She honestly didn’t know i felt this way about her.
Anonymous - I definitely understand what your saying. I feel like I need more verification though. We couldn’t even be interested in each other because we have always been in a relationship since we have known each other. finally after 8 years we are both single but shes “dating someone”. Since she is emotionally attached to this guy she hasn’t put any emotions into ME. She also said on the phone “there isn’t anything to say i wont contact if things dont work out with me and him”… i do feel like she only said that to give me false hope… In the end regardless of how she feels about me right now I probably need to follow your plan of focusing on a girl who will LOVE ME and not put be second.
Thanks for the support “aaaargh”. I just want to know that im doing the right thing and that having that bit of hope is “okay”.
2013-02-14 10:59:17 on She has moved on.
The only way to move on is to either A change locations so you dont work together, or replace her. I found that doing both was a necessity in order to move on. I was in a similar situation and that did fix the problem. She had moved locations but since she wasnt replaced and i was alone i still thought about her. definitely finding a better replacement that could love me was the best way to move on.