japon4ikan's reply history at Help.com

[quote icegirl.8]It’s normal to feel like this sometimes, but it’s good to have someone to talk about it. Cause if you don’t do it, it’s getting worse and you get more depressed. So if you don’t have someone to talk about, you can write me: i> small>(email removed) /small> /i>. I am a complete stranger for you :) so you can tell me anything, I will keep your secrets.[/quote]

Yeah but that ‘’I'm a complete stranger, you can tell me anything'’ sounds quite not the way I imagine. It’s hard to trust complete strangers. Ok, maybe not even that, but if you need to talk to someone, it’s harder to do it with someone you don’t know at all(they just don’t know the situation). Anyways, I know it’s normal to feel like that sometimes, but for me it’s like for all last year, with little pauses. I don’t know, I guess I need a girlfriend, or something, but with my sadness etc, it’s hard to be cheerful etc, and I don’t think it makes it easier to get one.

Noooo, why army :( ?

I mean you’ll have to post that link in facebook, skype, give it to friends, I don’t know. Because if you just write articles there, no one will see them. So you have to make it known yeah.

If you still need help with all this and my take (I just hope you don’t, and yeah, I’m a bit late/ didn’t see the invite):

That person you were talking online - he wanted something more from you. I have been in his place, or something like that (talking about that girl I talk in my posts) - I talked to girl online and in one day I decided to stop. Ok I said my reasons to her, I didn’t just block her, etc, but it was really similars. So comparing to my experience I would say - that person you were talking to just wanted more from you - I don’t know, to meet you more in real life, maybe to be with you (yeah I understand you have a husband etc, but anyway). Maybe he wanted deeper friendship or anything like that. For example, when I first started talking much more than I expected with that girl in skype, I told her I just want to be friends, to spend time with her, I liked to talk to her - and it was really true. But after a while my feelings changed, I wanted more, but I didn’t get the same back, and I couldn’t just continue like that, also I really don’t like spending time so much at pc , just talking, I want to do something more. So I stopped, and after 1,5years started to talk again, because I was missing something, about the rest you already now.
So the main point - maybe he wanted something more, maybe he wanted to spend time with you in real life more than internet. Maybe he wanted something more than being just friends.

Be happy, when you start college or working you’ll find new friends, and probably some of them will be more like you, I have worse - I have many friends, but all of them are guys, and all of them have girlfriends, or other things to worry about, so I really haven’t got a clue how to find one for myself, because I don’t have anyone with whom to go to clubs or places to meet girls, I’ve tried internet, but that really didn’t help (you can see why in my posted topics), and I’m really too shy, it just drives me crazy, and I’m 22, so.. But for you - you can try to go to some new social places, meet people, maybe you find new friends, or to sign up for football, basketball or anything like that, where you can meet new people.

Blogspot.com or something like that. Only thing is that you have to popularize that site.

Just go to nice places, which suit your taste - anywhere, starting from usual: clubs, parties, beaches to just casual places where you now there aren’t many shady people. If you’ll talk first to a guy I guarantee 8 out of 10 times, or even more, he’ll talk to you back, ok maybe not always you can hit it off etc, but still. At least by my experience if a guy starts talking first, women are those who are picky, so guy gets many turndowns, if a woman starts talking first, guy rarely turns her down, because he feels free that he hasn’t got to be the one talking first (that’s about bars, clubs etc at least I think). Of course it’s better if you see some sign like he’s looking at you every now and then, smiling towards you or something like that.

Yeah just talk to him. Even though I guess he likes you. That doesn’t mean that he’s so much into you, but maybe he just likes you and you’re not the only one he’s looking at like that. And by the way, sound like he’s a bit shy, by that looking away etc, so definately if you want to know, talk to him first.

I agree with SlightlyUnique - if they say so you should ask them out, or show that you want to be asked out: like saying you have nothing to do, you would really like to go out on a date with someone etc, and if a man you are talking to wants to go out with you, he’ll pick up from there, you just need to push him a bit. Because if many people say that you’re attractive and so, you’ll get what you want. Seriously, just look at this positively and that’s it. I have a friend (girl, but not girlfriend), who thinks that she is not that good looking etc, I’ve said to her that she really is beautiful(and she really is), that I like her etc. But by her attitude I don’t know if she want to be asked out(and yeah, Im not that ‘’bad boy'’ someone was saying here :D) - but I asked her out after a while, when she was pointing out that she has nothing to do, and she wants to have fun etc. Ok it didn’t plan out as I wanted in the end - but the meaning of all this is, you just have to give a little push, to be asked out, not to wait till it happens, you have to flirt more or anything like that, I don’t know, I’m no expert :D

Thanks everyone for advice :) ! Will try to listen to some of it, won’t go to womens salon to cut hair though :D

[quote Savanna_]Some people just don’t feel comfortable sharing their thoughts. I have found a quote..Just a little glimpse of what she may be thinking..

“It was one thing to make a mistake; it was another thing to keep making it. I knew what happened when you let yourself get close to someone, when you started to believe they loved you: you’d be disappointed. Depend on someone, and you might as well admit you’re going to be crushed, because when you really needed them, they wouldn’t be there. Either that, or you’d confide in them and you added to their problems. All you ever really had was yourself, and that sort of sucked if you were less than reliable.”

In short, she does not trust. Trust is giving someone your deepest thoughts and hoping that person will not use them against you, hurt you with them. The more you share the more possibility there is of having it come back to bite you in the ***.
It’s really up to her to decide if you are trustworthy or not, and she may just think its better not to risk it, especially if she has problems in her life already.

Like I said, all you can really do is try to talk and be honest with her.
What she is doing is guarding herself. Perhaps you should ask why.[/quote]

I agree with you with this if I think rationally, but my feelings still make me feel sad and a bit angry I guess. And I’ve asked why she doesn’t want to trust me or anything like that - she mostly tries to avoid the answer, from what I’ve heard from her, she had a rough chilhood( I don’t know in what sense, I just know that when we talked about it, she said she mostly remembers the bad things, didn’t say what), maybe it comes from there - the characteristic not to trust. Or maybe she makes an elephant of a fly (I really don’t know if this saying is made for english language :D) , or makes big things from something which isn’t really that important. I don’t know. Anyway, thanks for trying to help, I really f-ing appreciate it, seriously, I would hug you wright now (and others here, who really try to help) if you were here, helping other people or at least trying to help it’s what every person should do.
I’m going to sleep, it’s 2 in the night at my town, so.. If you have something more to say, please write , I’ll reply when I wake up

[quote Savanna_]Just my opinion: you do not seem too needy. You seem like you care very much for this person and are hurt by her not being as open about her thoughts/feelings.[/quote]

I once talked to her about trust. About how I think she doesn’t trust me completely etc, but in the end I really understood that she has told me more than many other people she knows. She still doesn’t share many of her feelings and so on. And in the end she said that she thinks that I don’t trust her, which is completely not true, and I don’t get why she thinks that.

[quote ~CaraMia~]I think that you are forgetting that YOU are important here to, ya know??

[quote Ana_f]Well, there are girls all around you :)
why not go out with your friends and meet new persons?[/quote]

I agree…
Life is too short to feel bad ya know???
If someone isn’t into you, then move on, love…move on…
It sounds hard.
But once you get all of your feelings returned to YOU, you won’t even look back…
I suppose you two could be friends, but, why would you want to put yourself through that???
Stop letting yourself be HURT and give someone the chance to care for you for REAL…[/quote]

I get what you’re saying and yeah it’s hard to move on like that. Also about being friends - I stopped talking to her like 2 years ago, I had about the same feeling as now , but I could forget her just about a half year, and then I started comparing every girl to her etc, I just wanted her back in my life, even though before , when I stopped talking to her, I said that I want something more from here than just being friends. After 1,5 years I started talking to her etc, an dshe was just almost like nothing changed. - And about that you’ll find someone else etc, yeah I belive that would eventually happen - but you know it’s really hard if all your best friends have girlfriends, they don’t go out so much anymore and if they do, they bring their girlfriends, and it isn’t the same just anymore, so it’s hard. I ain’t the one who goes to clubs etc alone.

[quote Anonymous][quote japon4ikan][quote ~CaraMia~]oh…
well….
In a relationship, its always give and take…
If you want the caring and understanding, you have to first learn HOW to give as well as receive.
You said, “My case isn’t most cases”…Is there a problem within yourself that stops you from giving 100% of yourself???
Not judging, I just don’t know who you are…thats all….[/quote]

First of all the problem is that it’s not a relationship like I would be together with that girl and we were a couple etc - I would like that, but she doesn’t want that etc. Anyway, without that, I still try to help her when I can, I care about her, I really do, even if she tells me to go away, I would still have feelings for her. Maybe I’m not giving 100 %, but if so, she isn’t giving even 50. Yeah, you can say: why should she? it’s not a relationship like that. But still, I know her and I know that she doesn’t have that many close friends or anything like that, so why she is like that? For example, I asked her if she wants just to go outside for a walk in the city centre, She didn’t have time for 2 weeks, even if I just wanted a walk with her and talk to her (after that I stopped asking, we still talk, but she has exams etc) - how can it be that she hasn’t got even an hour for me?![/quote]

your too needy or she is just not into you, embrace rejection and you will never feel rejection again, you see players and think “dam look at them” but the truth is they have been turned down and spat at many many times[/quote]

Why do you see me as too needy? I don’t say that I’m not, I just wanna know why. I don’t consider myself too needy, but I really don’t know, maybe it’s like that. Anyway, if I’ve said to her , for example, about those walks with her etc that I want to see just her and I need just her - it’s too needy? - And I understand that this is more or less rejection, and I’ve seen this before, except this time it’s a lot harder, because I haven’t met another person like her in my whole life. Yeah, you can say that my time will come or anything like that , but then, how to forget her? And Im not really the person who’ll say to her: ok, I don’t want to talk to you anymore, so bye bye - that’s too selfish!

[quote Savanna_]Sometimes people are different online than in life. You can lie or seem so different online and people wouldn’t even notice. Is there anything going on with her? She may be troubled by something and is too focused on that to see your attempts of friendship. You said she was not a very open person? She may have the idea that people don’t stay long so why bother trying. Have you talked with her about this? honesty usually is the best way.[/quote]

I know her both online and in real life. Ok, in real life I haven’t talked to her so much. But as I see it, in real life she talks less, is more shy etc. And I have talked to her about all I feel to her I think , I have said that I like her, that I want to meet her, that I think she is too much thinking about her problems(don’t get me wrong, I didn’t say it like she should think about me or anything like that), that she can trust me etc etc. I have a question for you, or for anyone here who reads this - if you would have a friend, which you have met, but you mostly talk online, you can really see that he wants to help you with anything, that you can trust him/her, he/she really likes you and wants to talk with you about anything - could you just forget about a person like that if he/she would stop talking to you?