trentlover20's reply history at Help.com

[quote majesticadrozari]well swty.. just look at hw many ppl came to hlp out here just @help..! u would have people to help u out..that is because ur a good person..! so see u are awesome..! thus shud not look down upon urslf honey..! ;-)[/quote]

Thankyou I’m very touched by how many people have helped me on this wonderful website =)

[quote nolater]But thats why you need to stick with this so one day it will pay off and then you will be glad you did. Keep it up:)[/quote]

Ok I’m gonna try.

[quote silly44]Sweetie you are young! Don’t focus on love now..work on school and have fun with friends. You will find love! Once you do find the real thing your whole life will change and you’re only young and free for such a short time! Enjoy yourself and be selfish while you can! Love doesn’t validate your existence![/quote]

Thankyou that is very good advice. I just feel somewhat pressured because literally everyone I know is in a relationship and I feel like an embarrassment and a disgrace to my family because I’m not, it’s weird tbh because it’s almost like they expect it of me because of my Asperges but I want to prove them wrong by finding someone and I can’t :(

[quote nolater]Trent-Have you ever tried getting a diet plan going and maybe joining gym? It’s hard in the begining after 6 weeks it won’t be and you will feel so much better about yourself. Your a good person and just need to work on yourself. Your self esteem will be better you will look better and feel so much better.[/quote]

Thankyou NoLater, I am on a diet atm and I do work out daily it’s just difficult I seem to have hit a wall really bad where I’ve lost four stone :/ the problem is I feel like I have nothing to work for, most people have a goal with weight loss and I just don’t tbh, I mean what is the point when I have no social life anymore, no guys find me attractive and I have no friends. It’s just pointless somedays -_-

[quote noonelikesaknowitall]Nice rant, hope you feel better :)

I remember one time after about four years of being sober and not having been in one single relationship having watched all my recovery friends be in and out of them, anyway I was doing my hair in the mirror and the thought came to me ‘what does it matter what your hair looks like, you will never be in a relationship, stop kidding yourself.’ It was a powerful and overwhelming thought and I started smashing my head against the mirror really hard. Luckily for me it did not break but that was just luck. It was a despair moment, not totally unreasonable given the fact I had failed miserably to get into a relationship, but it was very depressing.

I owned it and talked about it with my sponsor, he told me I could only make the best of myself and that I had a lot of good qualities that would serve me well one day. (It all just sound so lame but he was sincere enough to give it a small amount of power) The self is often not a good judge of the self, usually overly mean or overly generous, not many people (I believe) have a very balanced and accurate view on themselves.

I used the energy from that disappointment to keep going with eating less, exercising more and accepting things as they were. I did start to feel better about myself and that did help my confidence. Eight months later I had my first flirtation/three day relationship where I fell hard for her and it did not work out but at least it was something, I was grateful for the experience because it highlighted a whole load of issues that needed working on and of to CODA I went. After that, about six weeks later I got into another relationship which did not work but again helped me understand myself better.

Eventually I realized I needed to like myself in order to attract someone to me. To a degree I had done this but it was only at surface level, after a few months of being in a relationship I had really struggled. I had what can only be described as an identity crisis. It was painful to deal with this but further disaster in relationships got me motivated. I choose to be single and focused on being pleased with my life as it was, drawing my validation and purpose from sources outside of relationships.

Any way I am now married, I have a step son and a baby daughter. If I can do it (I am no great catch and still have issues) so can you.

There is no moral to this, I am just sharing some issues of my own so you feel less alone with this. There is hope you just need to make the most of yourself and deal with your issues as they come up.

Good for you sharing and being honest about it, it always helps me. And you do ask for help on here and that will serve you well in the long run.

I understand myself better nowadays, my mind still messes with me on a daily basis but I have gotten better with dealing with it, I still have issues coming out my ears but I can hold it together enough now to realize what is my stuff, what is my wifes stuff and what is relationship stuff (and needs sharing with her)

I met my wife on a dating agency, we had a strong common bond (our faith) and she did not drink at all really as she had a kid which was great for me. There will be that someone that values the things you will do and the person you are or will become.

The great thing about being single is it is much easier to change as a person (so you have a better chance of becoming someone you like) than it is in a relationship where there is someone saying you are good enough as you are and if you change they may not like you, which is great if you like yourself but awful if you do not. The pain you are going through is important because if you direct it well it can affect the person you become and the things you value so you have the strength to love the person you meet as they are.

Embrace the pain, use the energy! (it hurts me to say that somehow!not sure why!)

There is to much I can say and I have said enough already.

Sorry about the long response, even though you and I have quite different outlooks I always appreciate your honesty, that takes courage.[/quote]

Thankyou for your story it was very uplifting and inspiring and I guess in a way it all comes down to loving yourself, it’s just really hard because I have about a thousand flaws and I keep letting people down and the list goes on and on plus I think being bullied and mocked by men and if not mocked then attracting the wrong kind of men has just messed with my head a little too much :( it was fine when I was younger but now as I’m getting older and I’m starting to think about calming down and growing up it’s just not ok. I want to attract somebody nice and my ex was that somebody =[ I do genuingly feel like I’m never going to meet anyone and I’m stuck in a rut with my appearance and my weight ugh it’s just so hard.

[quote Angie.]I wished you lived closer to me Trent.We would go out for a night out n the town.
You would be treated like a lady(or they would’ve me to deal with)
I dont think its anything to do with size,most men dnt want a skinny mint on their arm,they want a bit of meat.
Its all about confidence,loving the person you are.
Forget your ex,he didnt deserve you anyway.[/quote]

Thankyou Angie you wouldn’t like me on a night out LOL I turn really drunk and really stupid and tend to just flirt with anything breathing haha I also stumble about in heels, confess to things I wouldn’t even tell a priest about and no doubt get us thrown out. The thing with confidence is mine is it’s all about accepting your surroundings and your current situation and that’s just something I cannot do because I’m all about looking for the next best thing. I am literally my own worst enemy -_-

[quote majesticadrozari]its alright to feel a little down at times and we all.. yes even the pretties person on earth feels down at times.. and i m pretty sure that your not gross.. but yes if u think dat people dislike u because of ur weight then well u could consider reducing it.. but even if u dont its ok.. as long as ur happy with urslf.. and how will u do that? distract urslf.. always try to keep a busy schedule.. try to create something.. watch movies.. try cookin if u want to.. u could even go and try to help people out here when u feel bored or depressed.. sweety i m as skinny as ****.. my mmom yells at me all the time abt it.. and all my friends AND relatives are prettier then me and rich.. but when i feel bored which i rarely do.. i still and make bracelets or paint or just read a good book just to not think about my pains nd as about ur bf.. its ok.. u ll find a new man.. this one was not the one for u maybe honey.. and yes men are pigs they love fine women i wont lie to u about that but someday somebody will be there who will love you because of what you are on the inside and just want tell u dear.. if u feel down dnt eat even more to feel better urslf cuz it wont wrk… ;-)[/quote]

Thankyou I really appreciate it, it’s just I do genuingly feel like I’m damaged inside and I’m sick of ranting and whinging about it I mean I must have posted about it 19394949 times on here now people must be sick of me LOL I try and be positive and upbeat I do but then out of nowhere I’ll just feel really crap about myself and all the things that bother me and poison me inside all come flooding in and it’s like a tidal wave that can’t be stopped, with distraction I see what you mean it does help I was sitting in class trying really hard to not cry and hold back tears and all the girls actually helped me get over it by distracting me with their loudness and humour LOL. I need a different outlook on life I think but I still have a few bad habits I need to break.

[quote BigWilly!]Yup, they got you pegged as an easy mark, pulling the ol’ carrot ‘n stick deal. Some people truly enjoy seeing others in distress and have absolutely NO respect for those that meekly accept such ‘punishment’. You’re basically dancing to their tune and, if you don’t nip this in the bud, will be doing so for who knows how long in the future.

The advice you’ve been given is spot-on. Just don’t give a $hit about their plans ‘n such; make them WORK to convince you to associate with them. They’ll probably move on to an easier mark and leave you alone to find some decent friends. Here’s one other bit of advice from someone who’s come by his cynicism through a lot of experience.. figure that anyone you meet is gonna try to scroo you over, if not immediately then sometime later, and take it from there.[/quote]

That’s very good advice Willy. I am just literally going to stop caring and stop reading too much in to it I think, her birthday party is next week I’ll just be happy for it to be over and stuff. The thing is though they just get me so easily irritated and I try and be patient but I just end up wanting to walk off the course every day I’m there. I’ll be rid of them in a few months so it’s not all bad news but still I feel like they’ve made me feel this way and they’re doing it on purpose to deliberately derive pleasure from it.

[quote IrishPrincess678]is there no way at all you would be able to get it off someone? Honestly they will be! i wouldnt believe that kind of thing at first but if someone is that pathetic that there only way of happiness is to bring others down its jealousy! Honestly dont even give them the time of day! i guarantee if you walked into college tomorrow and didnt give them a seconds glance they would be sucking up to you in no time! If they think that they are affecting you they will keep behaving that way. As for the night of the party, organise something amazing and then when it creeps into conversation in a group or something say something like awww thats the weekend im away to such and such and act not bothered guarantee you will hav an invite by the end of the day!! but dont take it be like awww sorry i have plans![/quote]

Sadly I have no way of getting my ex’s number LOL I sort of deleted him from my life and I knew none of his friends it wasn’t an openly open relationship. Tbh I am just going to lie and say I went on a huge night out even though I’ll just be stuck indoors the whole night haha, I have no friends to go out with :/. What’s bugging me is I really want to go but I can’t because obviously I’m not invited which sucks so bad but they wouldn’t like me when I’m drunk, not a lot of people do tbh LOL that’s why I’m a once every few months type of friend. lmao.

[quote IrishPrincess678]Even if it seems like its totally impossible you should try even talking to him, a simple hey hows things or something? i know what you mean im the same with m ex, its hard when someone who makes you so happy just disappears from your life :( Haha totally! Never mind them at all honestly, just know that youve obviously got something theyre jealous of! They envy you!! ;) chin up![/quote]

I lost my ex’s number ages ago coz I got a new phone LOL. I really don’t think they’re jealous of me, I think I intimidate or annoy them because I’m just too weird and I come out with random stuff all the time. I’m just trying really hard right now to not actually give a **** and to keep positive, I mean what else can I do? Besides bludgeon them to death with a hammer LMAO.

[quote IrishPrincess678]Girls really can be total ******* !! you cant win with them either because if ou hang out with them they slag you behind your back and can make your day to day lfe hell! but if your friends with boys and hang with males your labelled a slag and easy! Its so annoying that you cant win!

If your keeping yourself to yourself and are pleasent and polite then its more than obvious they are doing this because they are jealous. Theyre jealous because being nice comes naturally to you and they envy that. It really is down to jealousy!! As for the ex - ha im there right now lol! Im trying so hard to get him back. Do yous talk at all?[/quote]

Me and my ex haven’t spoken since he broke up with me last summer LOL we won’t get back together I have more chance of flying to the moon tomorrow haha I just miss him because he was the only man to ever make me feel happy. And yeah I agree you can’t win with girls, I’m just sick of being nice to them all the time, where does it get me nowhere I bet if I came in with a shotgun they’d feel differently LOL.

[quote IrishPrincess678]Girls are *******!! Ive been through the same thing you have and actually dropped out of college because of it! But now here i am 3 years later thinking **** if i had stuck in i would have my degree !

Dont let them poisiones witches win!

The secret really is not caring - it sounds so hard when everyone said that to me i was like yeah ok then!! not easy! but as soon as i stopped caring i felt so good!

Surround yourself with true amazing friends - quality not quantity :)

You want to be in with these girls clearly who ar basiclly bullying you - DONT !I did that, i got in with them girls and was constantly on egg shells incase they turned on me as was two of the other girls, incase the ‘leader’ turned on them too. Eventually they did turn on me and they tried to wreck everything for me - turnred up at my work trying to get me fired, broke up my relationship, put all over the internet i was sleeping around and hooked on drugs which was completley not true. In the end i had to get a court injunction against them to escape the abuse. Now i genuinley dont care anymore i just think ohwel!! and im so much happier for it.

Trust me it might seem like such a big issue now because your arround these people all the time but as soon as your around different people youl realise you dont need pathetic people like that in your life. Remember they bring you down because they have no other way of getting themselves up!

I hope your alright! Girls can be very very evil !! Stick close to your true friends!! XXX[/quote]

I’m sorry to hear about that happening to you, ugh I had a similar thing happen 2 years ago with people I considered to be very close family women are fkn demons seriously no wonder men categorize us as being insane -_-. The thing is I have to be with these scumbags 3 days a week and I’m sick of being nice to them and I feel like the smallest thing they just pounce on me for, this one girl in particular is just rude to me ALL THE TIME even if she doesn’t mean to be it’s not nice, seriously though I have had enough, from now on I am not hanging with them, my friend is back from Berlin on Thursday or Friday that is literally the only thing that’s making me think twice about not quitting. I just don’t understand why they all feel the need to make me feel like this, I’m nothing but pleasant and nice to these girls anyone else would’ve snapped and said something, but not me LOL. I want to know how to stop caring seriously, I actually can’t, I wish there was a switch on my emotions like in vampire diaries were I can just become completely cold and soulless haha sounds good, I feel too much of everything all the time, I’m like John Coffey in The Green Mile :/ I’m either a bag of nerves, so upset and crying that I feel like I’m going to pass out, so happy I feel like my heart is going to give out, so angry I feel like punching a wall until I have no fist left, or just bored to the point where I eat my own bodyweight in food LOL :). I think I just have to accept the fact that I’m not going that’s what’s doing my head in the thought that I might be able to go, the little bit of hope that keeps me hanging on, but now that’s shot to **** so I’m just going to acknowledge that I’m not going and not care.

I’d move out of my flat in a heartbeat and buy a classy flat somewhere else or maybe a mansion. Give some of the money to my sister, the rest of my family, and maybe donate to a charity for animals :)

[quote surge]Aw they aren’t so bad, but I hear you. Anyways that’s just what she wants, you don’t have to let it influence you :)[/quote]

I think I’ll just end up a crazy lonely old cat lady LOL I prefer animals over human beings tbh :) but I hate the idea of being alone, and I do want to get married one day.

[quote surge]Go your own pace. There are tons of people that age who aren’t ready to settle down, most of them in fact![/quote]

IDK I was having a conversation with my college friend the other day and she said she wanted to have kids by the time she was 25 O.o I can’t imagine having kids at that age tbh probably because I have no maternal instinct whatsoever I hate kids they get on my nerves so much. -_-