Sunrise's reply history at Help.com

Women are the confusing ones!! Your brains race faster than an African cheetah and us men just get run over by the passing thoughts!!

I am depressed too…I also play xbox to keep my mind on something else. It DOES NOT just go away by itself. Just as I need to be proactive in my mental health, so does your husband. I have wasted 7 years while being depressed simply because I thought it would just go away and I would find or create something in my life that made me happy. Truth is…nothing changed and it only got worse. I know its easier said than done, but he and I need to make drastic changes in our lives.

I have never been to a doctor about it or been on eds, but if they make him feel better, maybe they serve as a good tool to help put him in a well enough mental state to bring about some change in his life. Now I can’t say what needs to change, but maybe you should both examine what it is in his life that is triggering his feelings of depression. Usually I say that EVERYTHING is going wrong in my life, but when I really think about it, I can pinpoint the one thing that I would change. As I can only speak as if it were me in the same situation, I would be glad that someone knew about my condition AND was willing to help me get through it. One of the reasons that I feel the way I do is due to overwhelmingly high expectations of myself from those around me.

I would love it if someone just came up to me and said, Listen…I know you are not happy and I know that you are not doing what you want with your life….Lets sit down and talk about what makes you happy and I will stick by your side no matter what…I love you and I am proud of you. That is just me though….
BEST OF LUCK!

Now those kind of dreams I can deal with…unless of course you wake up to find yourself lonely. Then those dreams can be nightmares.

I agree with you. I usually give my best effort not only to not insult people, but to make sure that they feel as comfortable as possible around me. I learned long ago that many people are pretentious simply because they feel self-concious about something in their own lives and so insulting, mocking, or disregarding someone only makes them feel better about themselves. People like that are unlikely to change and so they will always be around. Just be wary, but never let them change the way you treat others.

Hmmm…I haven’t seen my pet spider jerry around in awhile…

I did the same thing. No big deal. They will issue you a refund check that will either be mailed to you or you may be able to pick it up at the school’s bursars/accounts office. I would go to that office and check anyway. DONT WORRY though…its still your money.

Dont ever give up on anything. If you try and then find out that she doesnt like you in that way, then give up. Dont just abandon your desire just because you are afraid of being hurt. We all go through heartbreak…there is no avoiding it. Facing it head on and with high spirits may give you the courage you need to be persistent. However, there are many forms of persistence. It may not be the best thing to just go up to her and ask her out…play it cool and just try getting closer to her slowly. Many people your age suffer from the same thing…low-self esteem, SO to stand out from the rest, just act a bit more non-challant and confident around her (if you have to act at all). Just be yourself…be nice to her, smile a bit more often, and even just asking how she is may put you above the rest.

I do agree with hastaiguana though, chances are that if anything does happen, it will only be temporary. Either you will break up or she will cheat on you…either way it will suck, but at least you will not regret letting her slip away without even trying. Like I said, there is no avoiding heartbreak, but expecting it may help.

I think that people sometimes confuse love for lust. Sometimes what you think is love is just a proximate infatuation. Sometimes when there is someone that you really want but can’t have for some reason, your mind confuses infatuation for love as a way of justifying the way you feel and for the reason you cant stop thinking about that person. However, if both parties feel the same and you still cant stop thinking about them…it might be love.

Thank you for your reply. I actually deep down KNOW that it is because I dont want to feel rejected. I have been rejected before, but I have never been led on to such an extreme extent before and that makes all the difference. Usually everyime a girl was into me it always led somewhere…either a mutually accepted physical relationship or something more serious. I’ve never just been left in the dust with no explanation before. I can read all of your rationale on the issue and make my own, but at the end my heart takes over and I still will not stop thinking about her until enough time goes by or I meet someone else that ignites that fire inside me. Love is crazy.

Sometimes joining a club of some sort is a good way to meet people because its not really an official social setting like a party since you are all working together or at least doing something that everyone is a part of. This way, you can start out small…maybe meet 2 or 3 people and then if you become friends you can start meeting their friends and their friends…that’s networking, but it wont seem that way since it wont feel forced as if you were in a direct social setting. GOOD LUCK!

Wow…I soooo know that feeling, my friend. You totally lose control of your thoughts…from the time you wake up to the time you go to sleep they are all you think about. It can drive a man insane. You have to act on it or it will drive you mad until you find someone else. Since I dont know what your current status is with her I cant offer any of my advice as to what you should do, but I would suggest that you try to get some time with her. However, DONT seem too needy…this will throw her off if she is not as immersed as you are YET. I know this feeling makes us to crazy things and throw all caution to the wind becuse your heart takes over and replaces all rational thought. I lost a girl by being to frank and too availabe to her instead of acting aloof…and all because I felt that same way you do now. Dont ler her be the one that got away if you are really this crazy about her. Be strong and good luck!!

It just sucks…she totally dropped me. Not to sound conceited or anything, but that has never happened to me. Anytime I have ever spent time with and made out with a girl they have ALWAYS wanted to be with me. I just learned from my parents how to treat a woman right. I dont want to think that she met someone better than me for her esepcially after all her talk about how she wanted to marry me and how cute our kids would be. Is it possible that she is just not ready for me yet? I would have much rather she at least lie to me and tell me that instead of just totally leading me on and blowing me off. My sister knows her well and said that she likes to do that to a lot of guys, but I thought that it was different since she had a crush on me for many years. She suggested that I ignore her and blow her off untill she realizes that I dont NEED her and can move on quickly. However, even after two weeks of not attempting to contact her…she still has not made any attempt to contact me. I fear that she will really forever be “the one that got away”. It is also discouraging to me because if there is something I want really badly, I usually get it just by pereverance. I just dont know how to apply perseverance to this situation or if it is even worth it.

I agree with Love…I just totally blew it with this one girl because I seemed too needy. I am totally crazy about this girl and have been for years and although I am usually aloof with women…I couldnt help it with this one. However, I know that if I play it cool and am confident about living my own life and not NEEDING a woman, women will come. It is strange, but that is how it works. Make yourself happy this summer. Take this summer to improve on yourself or try something that you wanted to do for awhile. I decided to really get a great physique this summer so I got a personal trainer and I already put on 5 lbs of lean muscle! That was my goal, but make your own and do them one step at a time. Keeping busy and focusing on something that makes YOU happy aside from women will inevitably attract them toward you. And although you may “seem” like you dont want a women from the outside it is still ok AND necessary to think positively about meeting and going out with that special girl. Keep a good mindset, spend your time on something you like or something you want to accomplish, take it one step at a time, and keep the thought of what you want in your head and before long everything will fall into place. GOOD LUCK!

Watch “The Secret”…watch it over and over. I did the same and my outlook is starting to change. I was going through some depression myself as you can read in some of my posts, but I am starting to realize that it was only my fault that I felt that way. I am slowly starting to change that for myself and guess what….it is working. I feel better and better everday now. I focused on things that I already had that I appreciated and instead of dwelling on what was wrong in my life I now constantly try to think about what is good in my life and what I WANT instead of what I dont want. I wanted to move into an apartment and it happened. I wanted to get in shape and have a six pack…I stumbled upon a personal trainer who is new to a gym and since I was his first customer I got an amazing deal…14 one hour sessions for $200!! That is unbeatable…and was it a cooincidence…no. Focus on what you want to change in your life and what you really truly WANT. Keep focusing on the positive and you will see…it will replace ALL of the negative. Just try it. Watch the movie…you will understand. It may seem all bogus and unnatainable to you at first, but hey, it cant hurt to think positive right? Just try it.

Hey AF, I have actually just started working out heavily with a personal trainer. I too have the same body type naturally…athletic, slim, and tone. I am 5′7 and weigh 135. I got a trainer because I wanted to get really toned up and cut. I am loving the workouts becuase I finally FEEL it the next day. We work several muscles every other day. Biceps with triceps, shoulders with back, chest with legs, and stomach and cardio everyday.

This is what to do:
You can do cardio either before or after your workout, but do it everyday. I run 20 minutes before my workout because I like to get the blood flowing.

No matter what workout you do…make sure that if you want to look nice and TONE and have good definition in your muscles do less weight and more reps. Make sure that you can do 12-15 repitions for three sets. On your last set you should only be able to get about 8-10reps. As soon as you are done with your third set, drop the weight by around 30-40% and immediately do as many as you can until you can’t go anymore. These are called “shapers” and will give you the tone you want. This routine pertains to all exercises.

When you do abs…do 3 sets of leg lifts and if you can, have someone push your legs down every time they come up…if you dont have a workout partner just do the leg lifts yourself for three sets and then do 3 sets of declined sit ups. You dont have ti sit there and do 1 million sit ups to show results…that doesnt work well. The decline sit ups really add that weight by gravity. As long as you do it everyday you will see results soon.

Also, after I work out I try to hit a sauna to lose excess water weight and detox a bit. This helps too.

Its tough to line up an exercise routine because everyone is different. My trainer is giving me advanced training and we change it everytime. Just look up some exercises online and do them the way I wrote. Let me know how everything goes!