xANGEx's reply history at Help.com

Ok new problem now and everyone’s gonna think i’m absolutely mad,crazy,stupid, but his ex wife left him 3 days after, because she just purely wanted to split us up…. Now i’ve never stopped loving this guy, and we’ve spent a long time talking, and again we’re gonna go somewhere neutral and chat tonight, because we want to give it another try….my head is screaming don’t get back with him, because i know that’s everyones opinion, but my heart is being torn. Thing is, everyone who’s told me not to go back has done exactly the same with their own partners who cheated or treated them badly, including my own mum who’s now disowning me. She was in an abusive relationship and kept going back. I want people to know that as much as i appreciate their opinions, and as much as i really do listen to them, it’s only me who can make my own mind up…. I guess what i want to know is that, am i being completely ridiculous??? My friends say it’s up to me, and that they’ve done exactly the same in my situation, i just need to know that if there are other people who’ve been in the same circumstances as me and have, or are thinking about taking someone back….

He should be proud to have a lovely person like you on his arm. If he loves you, he should be showing you off to everyone. The only thing to do is to talk to him. Find out why he is doing this and maybe even give him an ultimatum. He’s either with you…and willing to tell everyone, including other girls to back off, or if he wants to carry on acting single, then he should actually be single. Best of luck. Sometimes we just need to know that we aren’t the only ones with doubts and that we aren’t the only ones who think our situation is wrong. You have a lot of support. Best of luck! x

Thankyou for all the advice you’ve given me, however, I felt i was getting better, I even managed to face him when i saw him in my local pub, but now,still, I’m suffereing the side effects of what’s happened. I haven’t eaten a proper meal since we split, and it’s not because i’m protesting or want him back, I’m not silly like that and i literally love my food, but i have really lost my appetite. Not only that but i just can’t seem to accept what he’s done to me. Again i don’t want him back as one, he’ll always hold a torch for his ex, and two i could never learn to trust him again. I just can’t believe this has happened. I so want to just move on, i really don’t want to hang onto the past, Ive been going out with my friends, i talk to my mum. just still feel awful about what’s happened.

Hi there, i got my belly pierced when i was thirteen. It took, or rather i gave it 3 months to heal, before i changed to jewellery, it was absolutely fine, and it’s the only piercing i’d get done again if i had to because it was so painless. I reckon you’ll be fine, just make sure you go to a reputable piercing place. And also why not go into one and have a chat with an experienced person? Personally i’d say the piercing will be fine in swimming pools and in the sea as salt water is great for healing and chlorine kills off any germs.

When i was younger, i started cutting myself, just becase i thought it would help. It’s true, you do feel in control of something if not anything else, but this is definately not an answer, and it’s definately not a good idea. The trouble is, most people show their thoughts and feelings in a different way,,ie, some like talking about thier problems, but only if they feel they can trust the person they are talking to. Some just hide away. I for one, did it becasue i wanted people to see i was suffering, and that it wasn’t some girly problem, it was serious. I didn’t do it much, because i realsied i could talk to my friends, and most of all after my mum realsied, she took me to the doctors nad i was diagnosed with depression.I wasn’t just diagnosed, i was given help, advice and a reason for feeling the way i had been. I even found that talking to a complete stranger helped, because they couldn’t judge me as they didn’t know me. When you’re feeling low, you need all the help you can get, even if it’s being dragged to the doctors like in my case, as everything came with too much effort. Supply your friend with helpful phone numbers, like the samartians etc.. call her every now and then just to show you care, help get her booked in at the doctors, but most importantly if she is still cutting herself after you’ve told a teacher, you really need to put your foot down, because it could get very serious and she is possibly scarring her body for life, if not pushing the boundaries each time, where she could end up dead.. However you shouldn’t be dealing with this alone, you are a good friend but it can also have a major effect on your health and well being, it can a big burdon for one person to carry. Involve your parents, her parents anyone and as many people as it takes.. You can help her x

Thanks guys, i understand both of your thoughts and views and really appreciate them both. I know i will get through it one day, but if anything it’s so reassuring to me that i did the right thing and that you guys agree with me..you know how you blame yourself sometimes… so thankyou

Do you know what… don’t do it.. This comes from personal experience, i too was in the same situation as you are…but the operative word here is “was”.. I got through it..Life seemed so bad to meet, i was falling out with my family and friends, i felt lonely and isolated, i had no career or interest in life what so ever and i tried to commit suicide.. I was so naiive and thought taking a load of pills whilst completely drunk would be an easy way out…i was so frightened that night, i drove somewhere quiet where i thought no one would find me..yet i was so lonely. The pain i went through that night was immense, something that can’t be described, i was scared, lonely and in thought that i was actually dying there and then.. thankfully though, someone found me the next morning and called an ambulance, the trouble and pain i went through in the hospital was awful and an experience i’d never wish anyone to go through.
We all have off days and low moments, but there are so many of us that fell these black moments all the time. The smallest thing can bring it on, yet they can last for days and weeks on end at a time. What i’m saying here, is that i was diagnosed with severe depression…to have a diagnosis for my hurtful sad thoughts was a huge relief..i realsed i’d been feeling these bad thoughts for a reason, and it wasn’t all just me! I was given a concoction of tablets, some didn’t work, but now i’m the best i’ve been, i still have low moments, but nothing like those dark days… I really think you should take a long hard look at your life.. maybe write down the things that are eating away at you…Are they really that bad, is it something that can be sorteed with a little help, and most of all, talking helped me so much. My doctor sent me to a counsillor…Please please please, think about things before getting ahead of yourself, i can’t stress enough that although things seem bad, they really do get better… I’m living proof..and you know, i’m still going through hardships, i have no job, and i split up with my partner yesterday, but i’m coping, because giving up is not an option. It’s na easy option for some but it’s the weak option that would leave your family and friends greiving for the rest of their lives! x x

Firstly, look at all of the support you are receiving already…. People really do care! To be truly honest, i do believe that everyone experiences the same kind of pain as you are experiencing right now, at some point in their lives…the only difference is, to what extent and for how long… Yours has been prolonged due to circumstances you have not made us aware of… however, please note that, no body would ever want you to kill yourself, my goodness, i’d never even wish that on my worst enemy, it really is a state of mind, and the fact that these people can see your pain, but are unable to take it away… and that’s all they want to do for you.
The first step, you have already made… you have become aware of your pain and made others aware too…well done because that is so hard to do.. secondly have you been to the doctors at all? They really can help and it cetainly doesn’t have to be permenant if that’s what you may be worried about… You are a strong person, as you said, yet every now and then we all let that weak person appear… Truth is, everyone would be permenantly happy if this wasn’t the case, which we know isn’t true as everyone has their good and bad days. I truly hope you find that strength within you again… remember, we should all be the leading ladies in our movies, and our movies are our lives…take control and make your movie how you really want it to be…it is possible, i know, i’ve been there x x x

I was absolutely gutted to hear about this the morning it was announced on tv.. I pray for her safe arrival home everyday, and sincerely hope that whoever took her, has the decency to at least leave some kind of clue as to Maddies safety…I believe that this story has truly affected a lot of people..Please give the parents some hope…the not knowing is the worst possible pain, after all, no matter who you are, a parent, brother, sister, aunt uncle or friend…everybody knows someone with a child, and we can all only imagine the pain and torment poor Maddies parents must be going through..
I would also like to commend those who have recently donated money towards a reward for the safe arrival of Maddie, it’s truly heartwarming when people from all over can become connected and come together like this, it’s just a crying shame it has to be over circumstances such as this one…
Please come home safely Maddie, and to whom ever may have her, please keep her safe and let her go home x x x

thanks that’s a good point of view to make!

yes i could go that way, it’s another option thankyou, i feel that there is a bit of a stigma attatched to being a barmaid, whether it is as a manager or not. You do get comments from people such as “when are you going to get a real job” hurtful yes, but i do also realise it’s my life and i shouldn’t care too much about what other people think as long as i’m happy….i’ve been on a beer cellar management course for where i work, but i’m not sure i’m truly happy having been there the amount of time i have been. I guess what i’m trying to say is that it’s not fulfilling anymore, i need a new challenge, we all get to a point in our lives when we’ve done as much as we can do in one place, but i am starting to see things more clearly with the options and advice given to me, so thanks everyone, it really does help having different points of views!

If you smile at a stranger, 9 times out of 10 they will smile back. Think how nice it makes you feel if someone smiles at you… Even saying hello to the till clerk whilst paying for groceries helps to build confidence. If you are in a meeting of some sort and you are scared to speak up, make sure you say something within the first couple of minutes, even if it’s something like can you pass the water, even saying something as simple as that breaks the ice and gets your voice heard.
If you keep practicing at something you become better and better at it.
Try not to be scared of life, as no body really truly knows what it entails, but we all have a choice, we can live to survive life or live to love it… which would you prefer? Remember, the future will be what you make it, so please don’t let life pass you by. See your life as a movie, we all have good and bad days, and we should all be the leading ladies in our own movies. It just depends on what kind of movie you want to make your life… If you’re afraid to do something alone, don’t be afraid to ask a friend.
You’ve done a good job coming online and getting your problem off your chest.. There are some lovely people out there that we will not always get a chance to meet, however there advice is sound and you have made the first step to the new confident happy you by at least listening to their advice! Well done

Shyness is so difficult to overcome, but it can be done and in no time at all. It works differently for differnt people, some find it easier to be thrown in at the deep end and others like to build their confidence gradually. If you find it hard to speak to people you recognise, try just nodding your head or giving them a little wave next time you see them, no need for talking as you can carry on walking. This is friendly enough for most people and doesn’t ask too much of you… It aslo helps if you know a little bit about the person too. Each time you could challenge yourself, by making a point of either saying something different each time you see them, like a neighbour for instance. I’m not overly friendly with my niehgbours but friendly enough… so one day i might give them a wave and carry on walking, another day i might wave and say hello, and sometimes if they are near me, i will ask how they are.
I had a terrible time at school because of my lack of confidence, i would hardly take my eyes away from the floor.. Now i work on a bar and regularly have to srike up conversations with complete strangers, as it’s my job.. my confidence has grown so much. So from first hand experience, it can be done, have a little faith in yourself.

Ok, so deep down you know you are a good guy.. that’s the first thing and the most important.
Now this is the hard part, trying to meet someone to share this with. So fair enough you work with two older guys, that’s life, i work with all women… spare time is what most counts. Now if you’re shy, then this is when you can really start having fun. Because the most important thing when trying to meet someone, is to just be yourself, which i know is easier said then done. But it’s also easier talking to people, when there is no pressure of trying to flirt with them like going on blind dates.
So the next time you are in a cafe/shop/ infact any public place, practice striking up an innocent conversation, nothing flirty, remember this is confidence building. It sounds silly but, once you become confident in striking up general conversations, or adding comments to a public conversation, flirting becomes more natural and easier.
This is when you are most likely to be noticed, and also hwne you are most likely to look above the floor and notice someone!

If you are asking questions about the state of your relationship, as to whether you are happy/sad, or whether it is an abusive relationship, then you have already answered your question… yes it is abusive, abuse is when something is making you unhappy, whether it’s physical like leaving “bruises” or mental like threatening to “kill your friends”… Deaflegacy is absolutely right, once an abuser, always an abuser, just like an alcoholic is always an alcoholic even if they never drink again, it’s because they will become addicted again… these people will always push the boundaries of control further and further until you stop them, usually because of their own insecurities. And if you let them get away with it then it will become more serious.. i’ve seen it first hand so many times, please change your life whilst you have the chance..