Richard cor de lyon's reply history at Help.com

The humor escapes me. My partner of nearly 2 years just married another man she met on the internet. The met for the first time August 11th, and got married on the 19th. The pain of an unfaithful partner is nothing to be joked about… trust me. If you want to make light of peoples pain… go watch World Wide Wrestling.

AmandaLynn… It’s an interesting question and one with a two-fold answer. Nancy was my first love interest in the 6 years after my divorce. It became very passionate very fast. I broke many of my own rules. No sex right away… our first “date” lasted 3 days… I told her up front I did not want to live with her right away… but she was over at the house almost every night, and I honesty liked the change. When my girls were not there it was a welcome change to the aloneness I had dealt with for 6 years. Being there easily transitioned into living together. Yes, it was a mistake. I’m only finding out now (after two years of loving and giving to this woman) that she was an inch away from being evicted from where she was living. She hadn’t paid rent in 3 months. I know now why she was over at my house almost every night. :(

Yes Ann… I’m trying. I’ve not forgotten that… and I’ve been trying. Even trying the ol’ exercise of smiling even when I don’t feel like it :) It still works for me… but under the oppressive clouds it doesn’t last long.

I have 2 years of memories that I have to battle with every day. There was alot of “bad” in our relationship (that I must try to remember without hate) BUT there was some “good” also.. that I must try to remember getting over the pain (and right now that is the tough one!) Like today… I took the girls shopping for school supplies… I remember the shopping spree we went on as a “family” last year. It was a shadow over this years ‘event’ unfortunately. I left the store in tears.

well… if I’m through the toughest part I dunno… I’ve cried for the last two days straight. But I am getting there. I just read some of AmandaLynn’s wisdom… makes sense. I’ve learned alot… the only thing I have to do is remember what I learned next time (if there is a next time).

I’m glad all this makes you uneasy. You should not be speaking of love and marriage in the same sentence of “never been so attracted to another guy …”. If you have given your love fully, you would not have this issue. And if your boyfriend loves you enough to ask you to marry him?? What then? You are willing to break his heart? My girlfriend of 2 years just left me for another man… married him too - after she told me marriage to me was not a good idea. I pray no one you know, including yourself ever know this pain.

I see the old one now… no worries Ann.

In love we will find that the heart speaks only the language of love. It is the fountain of all passion; and it doesn’t listen very well to anything else. We all need to feel passion in our lives, so when the heart speaks up everything else stops. But heart has no ego, and cannot protect you against what which does not serve you. Only your reason and conscious mind can do that. Often our mind and heart will be in conflict over something. That is normal. You can know something will not serve you, but your heart, which desires the passion will fool the mind into staying. It is only when the mind is strong enough to control the heart that the conflict can be resolved. Of course it is folly for a straight woman to love a gay man (any sort of romantic love anyway). If we are to succeed in life we need to use both mind and heart to make our choices; as a previous poster said.
Bright blessings ~ Richard

it’s really very nice… excellent work.

Don’t worry about adding me though.

lol… fizz… never fear, a little light flirting is never beyond the scope of things. Dating… hmmm I dunno. My dinner date for tonight (with a friend) just got canceled but I’m here with my daughter anyway… so it’s all good… some quiet one on one time with my oldest daughter (the little ones are off camping with friends).

just got back from the shrink… talked about remembering. Not getting angry necessarily, but remembering - the abuse. Remembering, in order to set better boundaries next time. It doesn’t quite fit into what I said above, but it is a very valid point.

lol…everyone trying to hook me up with someone from the internet. After what just happened to me, I’m not so eager to meet anyone from the internet. Of course I mean absolutely NO offense by that… I know you all are very beautiful people. But so much can go wrong with that. I do love you… I might even one day meet some of you, I’m not afraid of that… but there will be no internet affairs for me.

Shie… I understand what you are saying completely. It’s just not me. I know it sounds a little sick maybe, but I would rather feel the pain of a memory of joyous love lost, then the blackness of anger caused by an abusive person. It’s just the way I am. I will NOT be a victim. I will be someone that is NOT afraid to love. She has taught me some tough lessons… and I am grateful to her for that. I am grateful for the love she could share with me for as long as she did/could. I am grateful that she was in my life. I am grateful that my joy was so great to have caused within me so great a pain. My blog today says some of this… I wrote it basically for her (although she was never really interested in my work).

LOL… for sure he will!!

It’s interesting Serenity… the anger stage of grief, didn’t even last a whole day! I’ve been told by some, that I need to be angry just so I can get over her. Oh… I’ve been angry, but it’s not my nature to be or stay angry; I don’t know why. It’s why I didn’t think it would work out, because she was so negative and angry all the time. I don’t want that in my life partner.

I’ve been grieving this loss for a very long time. You see, the loss came even while she still lived here. I was in denial very early… I knew it probably was not going to work, yet I stayed. When I did not feel any love from her… I bargained to try to get it… We eventually broke up (which was not really what I wanted but did it anyway) and my anger was there a little. Then I discover the betrayal, and the anger grew, and flew - to make room for the depression… there you have it, four stages of grief. The fifth, Acceptance is on it’s way.

Ell… Remember my analogy of the sailing ship? I see us as a great sailing ship on the sea of life. It is our Passion that is the wind that fills our sails. It is our passion that carries us forward. But it is our mind, our Reason that minds the rudder, and gives us direction. Without passion our sails would be empty and we will flounder on the sea of life, carried by the current of Fate where ever it wanted. Without Reason we will be driven full force by the winds of passion … we will end out in the middle of the sea somewhere or worse crashed and sinking along the reef. We need both passion and reason to navigate safely on the sea of life.

Her betrayal to me…. took my helmsman, Reason… and threw him overboard!

I crashed on the reef. Now it is time to rebuild. It’s an ugly crash and will take time to rebuild… but I’m putting into port today to start that and it will happen.

Love ~Richard

please give Renee my brightest of blessings and love.
Richard

I had boxed up alot of her stuff and threw it out on the porch. Problem was it was still there, reminding me. I was not in denial about the relationship. A long time ago, I said to myself that this relationship was probably not going to be my last (as much as I wanted it to at first). I’ve learned that was my mistake. How could I think such a thing, and expect it to work out?! BUT… I still loved her and when I love I love completely. To love half way, so that you will not get hurt, is not to love at all. I believe that there are no coincidences, and that she was in my life for a reason… that I drew her there for some lesson to learn. I wanted to learn life’s and love’s lesson.

LOL… it wasn’t a chick flick… It was Dead Silence; but it had special meaning to me (we often enjoyed that kind of movie together).

Friends… yes, I’ve been crying on the phone if feels too much. I don’t have any friends nearby, but I will be going out tomorrow night, and I have a psych appt. in the morning.

Serenity.. the heart attack was a while ago… and while I may not be in perfect health… My heart is doing fine :) I’ve never forsaken my children for her… and I never will.

Kim… I hope you are right. But I don’t think she will learn anything. I pray she might. She is going to break this boys heart (not to mention what she is doing to her own children), and put into disarray another man’s life… this would be her fifth (I’m #4).

Yes Sans…. I’m sure that is the case too. But I will be safe.

Here is the deal. I know in my mind that this is for the good. I know that good will come of this. This is what I’ve said here many times (sometimes under great about of fire). I’ve experienced a piece of life. I CHOSE this for myself, and I take full responsibility. I am not a victim. So, I experience some pain… so what! I’m not dead - I am stronger. Love is not to be dealt out half way in my book… so I shared all I could share. And when there was nothing coming back, I was grateful to have someone to help me around the house at least, some I could talk to even in passing… and I loved her for THAT. We can love in so many different ways, and for so many different reasons. My mind is sound. It was my heart that felt the severed connection and my heart and mind were not reconciled… they still are not to some degree - that will take time.

She came an picked up her stuff tonight… she’s gone. I’m sure I’ll never hear from her again, and I will miss her… but I will not weep forever… AND I will love again.
Bright blessings all ~ Richard

well… I can’t really afford to store her stuff… AND unless her new husband steps up to the plate… she’s homeless after her money runs out. Her family has disowned her… I will not give anymore. I gave her everything, including a roof over her head and food in her belly. She is resourceful and manipulative, but I will never know where to “bill” her. I’ll deal with the feelings till her birthday on Sept. 19th… then I’ll sell, or take to the dump her belongings. Right now though it’s not just her belongings… last night I put in a movie… and all I could do was think of her…it was a movie we saw together… cuddled on the couch ughhh….

well… here is my story updated. On August 11th, I took the woman I lived with for nearly 2 years into San Francisco for a Dr. Appointment. I knew later that night she was going to meet up with some friends at the airport to go on a camp trip. These were friends that she had met online, and was eager to meet them personally. It turned out there was only one “friend”. They crashed somewhere in San Francisco before coming home (her disability check had come in the mail, and she needed the cash). She picked up her money and went straight away to a motel in a nearby city (Not camping). I needed to learn the truth… I had the knowledge of her email password, and against my own sense of integrity I used it, and learned the very ugly truth. I’m not proud of what I did, but I am glad to have found out the truth.

In fairness to this women, she and I were broken up at the time. She had stopped loving me long long ago, and one day in frustration I said, “if you cannot be my lover… if all you want to be is my roommate… fine”. She had left my bed nearly a year ago anyway. I was however trying to reconcile with her, and she knew that.

The largest dagger to my heart was on August 19, only 8 days after meeting this 21 year old young man (she’s 34 next month) she MARRIED him. Another dagger … yesterday she supposedly filed a restraining order on me so that I cannot call her… guess she’s grown weary of me telling her “I love you”. Also, to not email her etc. It’s a waste of the courts time because I wont do any of that anymore. There you have it… I shared a love, gave her everything I thought she needed, and she left me for another… in the most ultimate way possible.

I have never cried so much in my life. It is truly amazing the disconnect between the heart and the mind. I know I am far better off now without her. And I’m sure once she is completely out of my life things will be much better (All her belongings are STILL HERE). But despite my mind… my heart was connected… and that severing took a sharp knife, and while quick… it is still very painful.

I love you all for your support thank you. I will need more as the days go on… I am making an appoint for a counselor today… (even the best counselors have counsel). Take care all…
Bright blessings ~ Richard