Richard Cor de Lyon's reply history at Help.com

I am speaking to equality… in the sense that so very little in this world is equal. I think it is time to start relishing our differences… rejoicing in our diversity… loving the man or woman God created (or we evolved ;) us to be. I so much want to be a man… to be that protector, that provider, that worshiper of the sublime… is there a woman out there that wants that?

Good to see your post Fizz… alot happening on my end, too much for this space :) I hope you are doing well - it would seem that you are.

Thank you Tic for your very well presented reply. Alexis De Tocqueville was a 19th century political historian, so I’m not sure how relevant his thoughts are in this case - I’m relatively sure that quote was altered to add “(and women)”. As a Victorian aged man, I’m sure his views of women were quite narrow.

Yes, things change socially, and politically - not always for the best - but always well intentioned at the time. Of course the suffrage movement was necessary and “Rosie the Riveter” was needed and definitely started changing things for women. Even the Feminist movement to allow for equal opportunity and wages in the work force was a great thing. Roe v Wade was a double edged sword that cut deep both ways, even till today. The fact remains however no matter how much we are “equal” socially or politically, we are different; I have more testosterone, she has more estrogen - and they work very differently in our bodies. We can pour a bunch of apples into a an orange bin… mix it up, and I’ll still be able to pick out the apples from the oranges. And amazingly… even after you pour the apples in with the oranges… the apples don’t want to change to become oranges. Someone will have to teach me this trick of being different and equal at the same time. To my feeble mind the definition of different and equal are antonyms. Are you saying we can easily be men or women, and yet be the same politically… of course we can. I am not disputing that women do not have the right to vote… or that women can or cannot to this or that. I will allow any girl to her chance to play football with the guys or fly fighter jets (if she has the ability) I do not believe in hindering women of opportunities… but at the end of the day when she comes home to me, will she be a woman, or will she be a killer? One will attract me as a man, the other will be repel me as a man. But a man or a women thinking they can be equal to their opposite gender is a fallacy, at least without hormone enhancements.

There was a time not too long ago when the Bakers profession was dominated by men - there are still a good number of male bakers that make a pretty good wage.

My youngest daughter is called “Barbie” at school… her name is Alyson … and while she is blond and loves being blond, she refuses to be a “dumb-blond”. I just have to remind her that everyone loved Barbie at one point in their life.

[quote babacup]I just thought of something else, I have a 2nd cousin who is 16. Her and her friend both play the role of the “dumb blond” It drives me crazy. You can be feminine, sexy, and smart. That is what the teens need to know. It doesn’t have to be one or the other.[/quote]

This is absolutely true and I support his whole heartedly. My daughters are all raised this way. They know how to be girly-girls (heck I taught them to put on their make-up), but they are also smart and wise.

Thank you for your reply Babacup, and I would never have expected you to be anything other than feminine. I think, and hope you can take pride in being a 50’s wife, there’s nothing wrong with that. That being said, there is nothing wrong with a man relaxing at home massaging his wife’s feet either. Yes, mutual regard and respect is always important… all of the 5 A’s are needed in a healthy relationship. I think tolerance toward gender roles is great… but also look what we have … our middle schools are full of girls and some guys too that call themselves Bi-sexual. What we have is gender confusion.

Hey… no one ever said that opening a door for a woman (especially one exuding her sexuality) did not have it’s rewards :) But yes, again it does come down to good manners. Can a woman open the door for me… sure… can she send me flowers at work… sure, but if she goes out of her way to run around the car to open my door, or sends flowers on an regular basis, or if a woman needs to verbally defend her man… this sort of behavior can be emasculating for some men. I highly recommend this podcast to everyone …. http://personallifemedia.com/podcasts… Alison Armstrong has been working with understanding men for ages, and she really understand the male mind / behavior.

linuxya is right on the money… I think linuxya is a man? If not then Linuxya is a surprisingly astute woman! Either way listen to what Linuxya is saying… because it’s 100% correct. If you want to learn more about men, listen to Alison Armstrong… this is a 30 min free podcast… every minute listening to this woman is worth it. http://personallifemedia.com/podcasts…

Linuxya… excellent reply.

What’s he say when you tell him how you feel?

I do agree with you… it is however a little bit of a “which came first; the chicken or the egg” sort of issue however. Are our children cocooning because of low self esteem and social awareness, or do they have low self esteem because they cocoon with technology etc. Either way the end result is low self esteem and a lacking of social awareness. Honestly, I believe it starts with low self esteem which then leads to a cocooning with technology. Technology is very pervasive to all young people… anything from the computer and gaming systems to the cell phone and hand held gaming systems. Intrinsically there is nothing wrong with our youth being involved with technology - they have to in order to compete in a readily changing world and future. Regardless of the technology however, if you take a social teen and give them the choice to spend 4 hours playing the hottest new games or spend 4 hours with their friends at the Mall, they will usually pick the Mall.

I believe it is the fall of western economics due to the breakdown of the family that is the root cause of our youth’s issue with low self esteem. Families have experienced a great drop off in income due to divorce and split families. Parents are forced to work 2 or 3 jobs… and it’s not so much they are out of the house, they are out of the lives of their teens. They’re relationship with their teens is a constant reactive relationship. Often, our very tired parents, wishing they had a better life, a better boyfriend or girlfriend (if they even have one) model for their teens wonderfully low self esteem. Low self esteem is epidemic in Western society. But it doesn’t have to be. When we recognize our gifts and are grateful for them, that empowers us. We may be good at only one thing but if we can take pride in that and exude those feelings surrounding that one thing into other area’s of our life, then we chip away at low self esteem. We choose our happiness often… we can be happy or we can be uber self critical. Acceptance is the key to this choice. As we learn to accept the way things are… with an eye to change them if necessary… we start building self esteem.

When we have older kids / young adults that are cocooning, well for the most part the damage has been done already. The question is how deep is the damage? Sometimes therapy or coaching can help with this. Sometimes it’s not so bad, and modeling can help alot. Part of the modeling is to get out and do things with our kids. It doesn’t have to cost an arm and a leg to do things with our kids. My girls and I love to go out and do a “photo shoot”. We go anywhere… sometimes where there is alot of people… sometimes not so many… but we get out and have fun taking pictures. My two younger daughters are the models… my oldest is the photographer, and I’m the director/producer :) When we do this in public it is so much fun interacting with people wondering whats going on. Sometimes we make up stories for fun… sometimes we just tell them the truth… at all times we are meeting and talking to perfect strangers… my girls growing in social awareness, self esteem and confidence.

In the wild… dogs eat cats. The larger the dog, the larger a cat it can eat. This is their nature, unless you are God, you will not remove this from your dog… you will only frustrate them.

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Sorry… I thought you were in college… my point none the less is the same; your parents are doing what they think is best for you with the best they have to work with. And from the sounds of it, their best is not very good. Your life sounds like borderline abuse… cloistered away and not allowed to do anything, and never receiving any kind of attention. It also sound to me like you’ve got your mind made up in terms of what you are going to do… so you’re nearly 18… do it.

If you like science and math… what about Cal Berkeley in Northern California?