Richard Cor de Lyon's reply history at Help.com

No offence taken Lone… I agree and disagree with you. Yes… ideally hubby should be involved in the process I recommend, but somehow I doubt that will happen. Sounds to me like she has one ‘em macho men that wouldn’t see a shrink so why would I think he’d keep any kind of journal?! So that leaves only one… her. I don’t think men are so difficult to figure out, and it’s amazing how much control a woman can have over a man. There is another old saying, “behind every great man is an even greater woman”. I think that is true! Especially her man… he sounds like the architypical “hunter/gatherer”. Fulfill those cave man needs, and he’ll be a puppy. If that is so downgrading, fine. But I garentee you… once his needs are met, he’ll bend over BACKWARDS to keep getting em! The first step to being able to do that is to like what you are doing… ya can’t do that with the “worse man in the world”. Ya NEED an attitude of gratitude. The other option… Evan doesn’t need my permission or anyone’s permission for a divorce.

You want to be a peditrician when you GROW UP?. When will that be? Do you know how IMPOSSIBLY HARD it will be to go through college YET ALONE medical school as a single mom? Do you know how IMPOSSIBLY HARD it will be to go through LIFE, as a single mom? Just because you “love” kids, is no reason to have your own! If you don’t know about birth control, then tie your legs together until you grow up. Are you discounting me because I sound like your parents? Fine, but now you know that your parents are NOT the only ones that are against your actions. As a matter of fact there are alot of people in the world what are more than willing to say you are being STUPID. Listen… I would love to be able to love you and make you feel all warm and fuzzy… but it appears from your own admission that you did not learn any lessons from before. Sometimes it takes a big KNOCK on the head to get through. Double is RIGHT. Your family is ALL YOU HAVE right now. Yes… they will be upset with you… but IF you have TRULY learned your lesson and show them you are ready to grow up, they will not turn their back on you completely.
I do wish you luck with the truth
Bright blessings ~ R

Well… it’s the sort of thing a good amount of discussion is needed to get an exact idea of what it is you are saying. It seems there is a rut here. I recently read a quote, “The only difference between a rut and a grave, are the dimensions”. Basically, that means it’s a matter of perspective. You know you can not change your husband… so what about you can you change? Wait… forget that thought for now… ’cause I already know the answer… “why should I be the one that has to change?” Well… it’s not YOU that needs to change, but what you do that needs to change… we can always talk about that later. What I would like you to do, is for the next 30 days, when you wake up in the morning, write down one thing about your husband that you are grateful for. Something different every day. If you can’t think of 30 things, then start repeating some of the things. When you get into the feeling of grateful, you will start to notice come changes I think. It also takes about 30 days to start a new habit. Right now, years of “I’m a bad wife” have denigrated you to be the woman you are, who can only see the bad. Try seeing the good you saw when you first met the man. I’m not saying all is rosy… people do change yes grow apart…and divorce is always an option, but why not try something new. You have a 4 year old boy, that will grow up just like his dad… and from what I hear from you that is a BAD thing. If your interested you might want to take a look at my book too. It addresses most of what you may be feeling. http://www.lulu.com/content/862745

Bright blessings ~R

np Animal… and thanks. I agree. So, in some cases… I’m hesitant to give counsel. Ya know I listen to Dr. Laura on occasion, and she’s not so bad, but every now and again she has the “solution” after a 30 second sound bite… How is that possible? It’s not.
Bright blessings ~R

With the exception of hubby… it sounds pretty normal. A 4 year old boy, wanting to be like the dad he loves… an 18 year old, trying to flex their adult wing, where “It’s all about me”, is so prevalent that it worn as a motto on tee shirts these days. A daughter jealous of her mom, because she is feeling her womanhood so strongly these days, the “competition” is high. I feel for your “between a rock and a hard place” feelings, but running away will tear your world apart, and you’ll never get it back! So focus on your husband for now… why is he the worse on the planet… are you so sure of that? You can not think of or imagine anyone worse than your husband? Love your son, nurture him… trust your daughter ~ she is an adult now mom, free to write her own ticket.. let her do it, as long as she fully understands the consequences.

Change is good.. it’s the first step to a new life. I recommend reading my book, please check it out at http://www.lulu.com/content/862745

I have to agree with AF. If you have been refered to a therapist… then go see one. There are many different styles of therapy. What is it that you are looking to accomplish? There’s Freudian psychoanalyst… Behavioral therapy as from Jung and Maslow…. there is Transpersonal Psychology as from Grof, and many others today. There’s somatic psychology where it’s a mind body treatment… etc. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is probably the most common today. The days of Freuding psychoanalyst, and laying on the couch spilling your guts is passing, and the ‘quick fix’ of behavioral psychology is hot. Although don’t get me wrong it’s not always a quick fix, but recommendations are made… transpersonal psychology has evolved from Behaviroal psychology to include mind, body and SPIRIT. Your primary question when seening a therapst is what form of Psychology do they practice. If they can not clearly tell you… then I wouldn’t see them at all.
Bright blessings ~R

Yes… others say such things also daily. Perhaps we are moving in a very positive direction, and Imus is only the first out of many!!!

~R

Yeah… I was thinking… 19 years old. Seems more like taking control of your own life than running away. But is running from people that love you (no matter how they make you feel) a good thing?. Sometimes it is appropriate to sever relations with your family…. other times it could be the biggest mistake in your life. Measure your actions carefully in that regard. Yes, becoming that adult, and moving away… is a far better idea then running way.
Bright blessings ~R

You betcha :) Don’t worry over it… happens to all guys… and if doesn’t they are not in touch with their feelings enough to step out of denial (too bad for them).
Bright Blessings ~R

Trust me… I understand your point Animal (intimately). I never said one was more or less sever. The reason for my question, is that what could be considered abuse by one person is not by another. For me to tell a child that if they behave a certian way, that they will be grounded for a week, and I’ll take away TV veiwing could be seen as abusive to some… not so abusive to others… If a child is behaving poorly consistantly and the parent is trying to parent… and first it’s the TV… then it’s the computer… then it’s the phone… one by one someone is watching a child loose their privledges… someone with a soft heart may see this as abuse. How do you deal with abuse? You call CPS of course! But is this the answer we are talking about here? Convince a judge? shouldn’t the actions convince a judge? Being OVER protected can be almost as damaging to the psyche as being abused.
Bright blessing ~ R

hmmmm, no more details? Children are what they are taught, but as you know they do go through phases as well. Even at the age of 45 you are familiar with phases, because we are still experienceing them. What sort of help do you need with this child? No on can take a bad person and make them good. That is like the old say, “you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink”. However, generally speaking (since the post is pretty general) it’s all about consequences. A child must know that there are consequences for their actions, and this is a life long thing. Get uppity at work, and get fired. Steal jewelery from a store and go to jail. Hit someone… get hit back, and expelled from school. See my point? Every action has a reaction or effect. Now a days… teaching this to our children is almost a form of tough love. When you and I were raised things were very different (I’m 47). We were raised with, “respect your elders”, “don’t sit with your feet on the furniture”. “say please and thank you”, “No singing or fighting at the dinner table”, “Turn off the TV during dinner”, and YES we DID all sit around one table for dinner! Children need boundries, and they need to KNOW the consequence for when they cross those boundries. The consequences should be BLACK and WHITE. The Child can justify something till their face turns blue, but the minute we cave they have won and we are right back where we started. IF they have a good reason for the breach in boundries… perhaps a more leaniant consequence (BUT needs to happen anyway) is called for… but we should be able to show them differnt options that would not have breached the boundries.
Wishing you the best of luck ~ Bright blessings ~R

excellent point :)

aha… k… nothing wrong with being an atheist… I know some GREAT Buddists.

lol… Christmas presents… that’s good coming from an Athiest (I did read that of you didn’t I Xeno?) If not please excuse me. ;)

and for me? Harrison Ford and Sean Connory do it. Now if they did it together… that would be a WAYYYYY different story! (and I WOULDN”T want to watch).