Richard Cor de Lyon's reply history at Help.com

have you joined Alanon/ Alateen?

Life is not always changing for the worse. In my perspective, life never changes for the worse. I know sometimes it feels that way; after all I wrote a book titled; “Can someone please tell me why my life sucks?!”. But largely that is a matter of perspective. We may not be able to control life as it happens around us, but we have complete and total control of how we respond to life. Those choices belong to each and everyone of us, and yes, there is always a choice in how to respond to life.

Yes, I understand this, and yes your codependent nature will push you away from any normal woman - it’s good you know that. How to love yourself. When you have love for a woman, another way to put that is you hold her in high esteem. So what you need to work on is how hold yourself in high (self) esteem. So, tell me what are you good at? Self esteem is largely based on how we feel about ourselves when we like what do or what we are. Some of what blocks self esteem, is our hidden, denied feelings about ourself. I mean sometime, back in our childhood, someone may have said… “Oh, stop bragging about yourself”… or you might have been called arrogant because you took what someone else thought was too much pride in what you did. People that hide their esteem or pride, tend to overcompensate with humility, and the only love they feel comes from another. But as you’ve found out that love is transient / temporary. So, I’ll ask again - what are you good at?

what about a woman brings you joy?

The choices we make, move us in one of two directions. Away from our vision and goals or toward them. If you have a clear set goal, and it sounds like you do, then you have to make the right choices to move you toward that. Some of those choices may not “taste very good”, but they still move you forward… and remember, if you’re not moving forward you are moving backwards. Finish University, with a clear idea of your vision… it is a necessary evil for you. Once completed, then your dreams are even closer to being fulfilled. Also seek other employment opportunities that may open up opportunity for you. I’m sorry to hear of your troubles, but you sound like you have a fairly clear head on your shoulders none the less.

[quote iwana]Nominations were due on February 1st, 11 days after he took office. What could he have possible done in those 11 days? And to overlook the achievements and sacrifices of so many human rights activists from China, Congo, and many other countries to award it to Obama is ridiculous. That is my main problem with it. It’s not about Obama - he didnt’ award it to himself. See the link below for an article by the San Francisco newspaper on those who were more deserving:

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article…

you get no argument from me…. it is ridiculous.

he got it for his views… absolutely nothing concrete.

are you a girl or a guy? just curious, but overall I agree with Grim… just ask.

Part of me definitely agrees with Courty… but there is also a part that tells me some people in this world attach a great deal of spirituality to the sex act and love. Much of it (almost all of it) is doctrine put down by various religions. I personally do not have any problem with raising the sex act to higher levels, I actually prefer it, and honestly it’s the best sex I have ever had when it was raised so… BUT none the less, anything that gets us so entangled in shame and or guilt is not good.

many behaviors manifest themselves well after a molestation because when many girls are molested they are just that - girls. These girls grow into women with PTSD, and certain triggers manifest behaviors that they feel safe with… the behaviors that were taught years ago. Much of our past shame influences who we are now. That is not to say it cannot be changed, because it can - we have to come to grips with the shame and overcome it.

I have to go for now… but will be back online later. Feel free to add here or shout me anytime.

you don’t have to surrender to a man to feel value. In fact you will be surprised how much empowerment and esteem you will feel, if you DONT surrender to your urges and to the will of a man.

clearly, a lack of esteem stems from the molestation of your youth. You probably feel you need to surrender yourself to a man in order to feel value. If you don’t go all the way, somehow he will think less of you. Well, sadly, for some guys that is true, but those are the guys you want nothing to do with anyway. It’s time for you to make a choice. It’s time to become a virgin again.

If you can talk to a counselor … I highly recommend it.

OK… if you had a sexual encounter when you were 8 you were molested. And your Uncle probably did abuse you as well. Which from what your discussing (promiscuity) none of your history is surprising. All of what you are experience is backlash from your childhood story; sadly.