gingerfrag's shoutbox - Help.com

i used to want to die for the following reasons: no girlfriend, no job, no money, doing nothing with my life exept take drugs watch telly and play computer games.
this is because i expected so much more of myself i know i can do better and i used to just cry alone in my room at night wishing for death to hurry up. i was looking for jobs with high mortality rates like fishing off the coast of scotland but even they wouldnt take me.
eventually i got a factory job through a work agency and that helped to take my mind of wanting to die, but only while i was at work, as soon as i got back id just think `what shall i do now?` and that would normally be a big weed bong.
so i just sat around gettin high drink a few beers watch some telly then the worst bit was goin to sleep(depending on which and how much drugs i had taken) id normally be awake for hours if i hadnt been drinking just thinking about my life and how crap it is and what could i do about it.
this carried on for about a year(not that i wanted to die and take lots of drugs for just one year!i wanted to die a long time since i was about 11 i suppose.and i been taking all sorts of drugs since 15)
but 3 things that stopped me from suicide were :*religion instilled into me from an early age(although i never have fully agreed with it)*the pain it would cause my family*i wanted to die doing something useful like saving a life or trying to put out a massive inferno.
but then a about a month ago i watched some of a program on t.v BBC2 called THE TRAP:WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR FREEDOM?
i cant remember much of it as i was off my head at the time.but something like-the way society works now is that everyone is out for themselves no matter how much you rip someone else off, they say this was when margaret thatcher was prime minister im not old enough to know, but at the same time there was a big rise in diagnosis of depression and some studies were taken that showed that most people have the same anxieties about life.as a result of yourself wanting.
then i watched a movie about an hour later called AMELIE its about a lonely girl who resolves to make everyone around her happy, even if just for a moment in the hope that it will inspire them to do something nice for someone else. theres a few moments in the movie where i actually cried during the movie and this has never happened to me since i was a kid watchin some movie about a dog!
i couldnt stop thinking about it and decided that i should try my best to help people in anyway or bring a smile to their face. ive made up a few joke adverts to post up around town and have put crazy ads in my local paper stuff like “WANTED HUMAN CHESS PIECES! FOR MY GIANT CHESS BOARD!” just stupid stuff like that(it makes me laugh at least).
anyway the next day after watching that movie i heard on the radio an old killers song `All these things that i have done` and just so many of the lyrics stood out to me and just solidified my new outlook on life.
i dont need lots of money.
i dont long for a girlfriend, i can wait.
i dont need all the drugs to fill my time(i still get high everyday but only one bong a day(still working on that))
i dont need the praise and respect of my peers to feel that what im doing is right.
i dont feel like dying.

i writ that a while ago for someone else but ut might help