Mini-Profile
I am crying/laughing, irrational/rational, despairing/hopeful, full of pain/the pain recedes, frustrated/searching, giving up/striving.
What shall I be like today, or even this minute?
Only God knows.
I am crying/laughing, irrational/rational, despairing/hopeful, full of pain/the pain recedes, frustrated/searching, giving up/striving.
What shall I be like today, or even this minute?
Only God knows.
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Do not, do not tell her she needs to lose weight. That will only lead to crippling her self esteem and making her think that her value is based on her weight. Trust, even if you try to do it gently, it still hits hard. Chances, if she asked, she’s thinking about. But it’s a decision she has to make for her self, not for you, or anyone else.
The only exception would be if she were morbidly obese, which is, or will cause serious health problems in the future.
As to just walking, well that could be fine. Losing weight slowly is less stressful. Perhaps she’ll start walking a lot and see a couple pounds drop. This is very motivating. Then she may cut out sugary sodas and drink from her diet and see an even bigger change. She may get fond of losing weight and then do it all on her own.
Only don’t suggest the walking as a way to help her lose way. Just say hey, I feel kind of restless, want to go for a walk. I really enjoyed that walk the other day, maybe we should do it more often.
Avoid, any mention of weight, even health related weight like the plague (unless morbidly obese). Girls in this generation are so sensitive that any hint to the fact others think them *fat* will poisen their self esteem, and might lead to over-eating and depression.
- written 2 years, 5 months ago
You should not kill yourself, you have children and if you know you are changing all you can do is plug on and eventually you will be able to convince others. Help your children as much as you can and hopefully become a stable father figure in their lives. Something they desperately need (it’s been proven over and over). So no you definitely should kill yourself.
I do want to say that that comparing your pain to other peoples struggles isn’t right. It’s your pain and it’s hurting you badly. Don’t let people belittle that and make you feel even worse for the inner troubles you have. You and your pain and unhappines are valid, I don’t care if some kid in Rwanda has it worse off than you–it doesn’t mean you hurt less.
That said, just remember, getting your life together takes time and the best way to deal with the guilt you seem to feel over your children is to become thta stable father figure in their lives and be there for them. Even if you can never really be financially secure, hopefully you will do your best, and remember no matter how poor you are you can still be a father to your children. (Although I’m not encouraging you to be lazy by any means, and I don’t think you are.) You sound like you have the strength to do what you have to, so go for it.
- written 2 years, 6 months ago
Yep that happened to me, only I was the chick. It sucked, the worst I’ve been hurt in my entire life. The guy and I are friends again, but (a) it will never be the same (b) even though I love him and think I have forgiven him, sometimes the memory of what happened in the past, what he said and did then, comes back and gives me sharp pains and makes me wonder, “Is this guy going to do that to me again if I trust him once more?” and “How can this be the same person.” and “What if becomes *evil* so and so once again?”
So, you have to know that when someone you love deeply hurts you it takes a long time for you to be able to trust them again, and the fear of being hurt that badly may stop you from ever trusting them again.
Are you just trying to be friends with this girl or do you want a relationship? Was what happened basically that you told her you didn’t think it was working/neglected her and stopped calling?
- written 2 years, 6 months ago
Also I’m wondering exactly what your weight and height is? If you are at a healthy weight but have too much “flab” or fat, focusing on weight training and toning your body may help. Building muscle increases your weight but it makes you slender, strong, and calorie burning machine. So even if you weight more you may fit into smaller clothes.
After rereading your post I want to add that of course you feel hungrier after you exercise! You’ve raised your metabolism and that means the food you do eat will be burned off quicker. On the other hands it’s important to eat the good foods. Things with fiber, whole wheat bread, oatmeal, etc, good sugar such as fruit, low fat dairy products and lean meat for protein. Also if you like vegetable, have at them, snack to your hearts content on baby carrots. These things break down so much easier and have so much less calories than the processed, packaged foods we often buy that it will burn right off you. I find yogurt to be extremely useful since it has both protein and sugar. Of course be careful in the kind of yogurt you buy.
Another question. Do you drink non-diet sodas, or alot of fruit juice? I find that cutting out sugary drinks from your diet is a simple way to immediately cut down on calories but not feel like you are missing out on too much. But don’t think that b/c you drink diet, water, crystal lite, that you can eat foods that have more calorie content–that would cancel out the effect.
- written 2 years, 6 months ago
Do you eat a whole lot of carbs and sugar? I’m guessing you do since that what most junk food is made of. Now I still occasionally eat too much junk food, but something I did really helped me.
Basically I broke my addiction to carbs, and tried to realign eating in my life as a necessity, not a leisure activity. Obviously it’s nice to enjoy food, but if you have a problem this can help.
What I did was rather extreme. I did the first two weeks of the South Beach Diet (note, no the Atkins diet which is not healthy at all). The South Beach Diet was very hard, but ever since then I’ve seen the lasting results of having way more control over my eating than I used to.
Hope this helps, Jessica
- written 2 years, 6 months ago
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