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• So I am not quite where to start.
  

  wow - I really didn’t expect any responses but I am very happy that you all replied. We did discuss kids when we met and I told her that it is one of the most important things to me. She said she wanted kids to but here we are 5 years later and the only reason she is willing to now is because I told her I wasn’t in love anymore. We did go to marriage counseling for a bit but I don’t think it helped much. My bigger issue is that I was unfaithful and I am having a lot of trouble living with that. for the first 4 years of our marriage, every day was hell. We fought almost everyday and I resented her for making me feel like if I go spend time with my friends, if I go back to school, play more than 1 day of hockey a week, etc that I was a bad person so I altered my life and quit doing a lot of what I enjoy. My biggest concern is the resentment I still feel. I am a very sexual person and she isn’t. I honestly thought that would change but it hasn’t and when we do have sex, I don’t enjoy it. I just want to get it over with (which isn’t me at all) because I feel really incompatible. I am unsure if it is past resentment or maybe “it” really isn’t there for me anymore. I know what I have done is wrong and I don’t have the heart (balls) to tell her the truth. It is painful enough for her to know I feel the way I do, I don’t want to add fuel to the fire. thanks again for your thoughts and suggestions, I really do appreciate it. This is the hardest thing I have ever dealt with in my life. I spend most days now just doing what I can to be alone.
  - written 2 years, 5 months ago

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