Mini-Profile
Dear reader,
If you would like to read my whole story, then please scroll down to the next section.
For anyone who prefers the short version, I am someone who has always been creative and entrepreneurial and has had several ‘bricks and mortar’ businesses of my own. Due to a series of experiences and circumstances over the last, almost seven years, I have lost everything I ever worked for, been divorced, lost my home, gone bankrupt, have had rejection after rejection for jobs I have applied for that I am wholly qualified and experienced to do and have had to take work where I could, when I could, for whatever I could get paid. The worst of it all has been losing the day to day contact with my children, with whom I have always shared so much and it would seem this experience, or at least the last eight months of it since I went bankrupt and lost my home, is unfortunately included in that.
For the first time in my life I am asking for help. Help to get me back on my feet. Help to provide a home for my sons and I and reunite a family, but above all help to maintain my hope for a brighter today.
If you would like to help, with a donation, with a story of generosity or hope you have experienced, or both, then please go to http://gratesagere.chipin.com/grates-... and click on the ChipIn button and send me an email at (email removed)
I look forward to hearing from you.
Thank you.
P.S. Please forward this to everyone you think would find it of interest. Thank you.
I am not a person who has ever sought favours from others and certainly not asking for help in a direct manner. I have always shied away from seeking the assistance of others, believing I had to do everything on my own, for myself and for my family.
For many years I have felt responsibility for everyone around me and for the greater time, was able to maintain that responsibility.
Throughout the course of my life I have had dreams, set goals and worked hard to achieve them. Often being successful in reaching the goals I set, though learning there is often a price to pay for getting what you wish for.
When the dotcom bubble burst on March 11th 2000, I was two weeks away from an IPO with a profitable company that I had co-founded. It was my second start-up having exited from the first, which I ran for four years with another partner, via a trade sale. The fact that the company was profitable and working in a highly needed sector of the internet industry was of no interest to anyone at that time, for as many people witnessed and some experienced, investors ran for the hills with whatever they could save.
Having put all of my own available cash into the business and having seventeen employees to think of, I had to focus on saving the company. First I had to give everyone the bad news, which in itself is one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do. I offered everyone three months at full pay to find other work and if they could find something faster, that would help. Our plush offices went and we moved into a very cheap, but perfectly functional and much smaller space. We cut back from seventeen to just six of us and refocused on the direction the business would have to take to both survive and grow.
A year later, having done all that, I couldn’t see my way forward with either my co-directors or with the business. My marriage was very rocky by now as the strain of the rollercoaster ride was felt at home.
I decided that I would leave and take some time out to consider what my next move should be, work on repairing my marriage and spend more time with my sons.
It was a hard decision and there was angst and tears all round, at work and at home. The following weeks lead me to look at full-time employment again, though I had not been employed by someone else at that point for eight years.
I interviewed for several high level roles within I.T. but didn’t find anything that took my fancy; that I could ‘get into’. Then over the summer of 2001 having been really enjoying my ‘gardening leave’ with my sons, I was interviewed for the role of CEO of an Anglo-Icelandic company. The role was to be based week on week off in New York and London. The package was excellent, the role seemed exciting and as my marriage was still not ‘fixed’, my partner and I agreed that this might actually help, (absence makes the heart grow fonder being the thought process). So I accepted the post in August of 2001.
I was due to be in New York on September the 9th to start on the 10th. The company was based on the 33rd floor of the South Tower at the World Trade Centre. On the 3rd I got a very uncomfortable feeling about the whole thing and for what appeared to be no apparent reason, I called the chairman and told him I was sorry, but I would not be accepting the position. Everyone thought me mighty strange until the 11th. I’ve never been so grateful for such a powerful feeling of intuition as I was and am, for that one.
In the following days, I realised I needed to do something else with my life, but didn’t know what. I had always like the idea of getting into property and having some available money for a deposit, bought a very run down and old house to refurbish.
My closest friend was going through some similar personal issues and so we decided to work on it together. It was incredible hard work, but so much fun and so cathartic.
We knew within the first few weeks we’d want to do some more, so I started looking for the next one, on and off, whilst we worked on the first.
Everything went really well and in five months, purchase to sale, I was feeling great about continuing with this as my work and income. I bought another place to refurbish, which was also fun, then another. Then I started looking into new build projects and acquired some land with a derelict property on. It all looked like things were headed in the right direction.
During this time both my partner and I had started taking courses in Reiki, with the same Master, but at separate times.
This really started to create a shift in my partner at a deeper level than in me (though mine followed later), and it became apparent within a very few months that we were heading in separate directions in how we wanted to live and what we wanted from life. We started sleeping in separate bedrooms, telling our sons it was because of problems sleeping and not wanting to wake the other one up in the night. The signs were getting stronger and stronger that we were not going to come through this.
I was devastated when finally, whilst on vacation with our sons, swimming with dolphins and whales, in what appeared to be a truly healing environment, the words ‘I think we should get a divorce’, descended on me. We had been together for sixteen years at that point. Having dropped this bombshell, we then had to carry on as normal for the remainder of the vacation. ‘Thank God for my sons’ was all I could think and I just focused on having fun with them.
Ironically we had a family wedding to go to when we got back and of course acted the perfect couple throughout. This actually continued until a little before Christmas 2002 when it all came out and everyone was left dumbfounded as no-one had suspected there was anything close to a problem in our relationship. Our sons were bereft of course and that was as painful a thing to experience as there can be; feeling both the weight of responsibility for what has transpired and the pain of it.
We separated in early 2003 and shared our sons’ time as best we could, until, having gone into mediation; we were told that the children were old enough by law, to decide how much time they wanted to spend with each parent. From that day on our sons spent week on week off with each of us and it worked well for everyone. We were able to make the best of a bad situation.
During this time, I got involved in a real estate development project that really got me excited for its potential.
A key piece of residential land, with houses on it, partly owned by local authorities and partly privately owned. It was very prime real estate and the partner who had invited me in on the deal had already secured the key property and the backing of the local authority to re-develop the land into an apartment block with requisite services.
Together with my refurbishment properties, this kept me busy whilst being able to maintain a schedule that worked around the weeks my sons were with me.
During the divorce that was now in process my partner had an injunction put on all my business dealings, whilst everything was investigated to ensure I had disclosed it all. This, of course, created a cash flow issue for me, which resulted in me having to start heavily using credit cards and taking out a loan to live on.
When the divorce was granted in spring 2004 it was on the basis that all the equity from the marital home and a further lump sum was to go to my partner as a one time and all time payment, with no maintenance either way as we shared responsibility of the children.
By now my debts were climbing high as both sons were at a private school and the combination of school fees, business expenses, multiple mortgage payments and living day to day compounded.
I sold a couple of the smaller properties I had been refurbishing and that alleviated the financial pressure for a while. However the large deal was dragging along, for having found finance, we found ourselves having to renegotiate with the owner of the key property, who, at a crucial moment, died. Obviously nothing happened for weeks as his widow dealt with grief and all the other mundane things that have to be handled when a spouse dies suddenly.
I cast my attention to my other smaller project and focused on getting to the point of breaking ground on that one sooner. I had not expected the change of mind from the planning authorities on the original plans discussed, agreed and submitted. What they came back with meant that the project would now not only not make a profit, but lose money, whether we built it or sold the land as it was. It made no difference either way. So I sold at a loss as fast as I could to relieve myself at least of the mortgage payments.
The focus went back to the larger deal as we were now talking with the widow and attempting to work out a deal that worked for everyone. She was having none of it. We were being blamed for her husbands death (he was 78 years old), though he died of natural causes.
Now, even though she had had and spent some of our money, she wanted to do another deal with a large national development company that had approached her husband before we came along. She knew about the deadline to complete the purchase on her property and, even though we had been sympathetic to her husbands passing and held back from discussions for a few months to give her time, she was not willing to extend our contract of purchase deadline. Suddenly we had very little time to get everything completed, including the finance increased to match the other offer she now had on the table.
We ran out of time. In October 2005, having done the right thing, we were not given the same grace and we lost both our substantial deposits and the deal.
At this point I didn’t know what I was going to do. My business world had collapsed and I still had mortgages, school fees, credit cards and loans to pay, as well as live day to day.
I began missing payments and ‘borrowing from Peter to pay Paul’. I decided to sell my car, which I did quickly. A friend lent me her old one that had not been traded in when she upgraded. At least I was still mobile I thought and the synchronicity of her offer was wonderful timing.
I had borrowings that were now well beyond what I could cope with, having lost all my capital as well as the time and effort put into the projects.
For about three months I ran around in circles trying to decide how I was going to deal with things. Having made losses I was due a tax rebate, but the Tax Office were arguing their case as it was substantial. They decided to investigate me. My accountant told me this would likely delay any payout for a minimum of six months and he had known it go on for up to two years!
Everything I tried hit a dead end.
I signed on with a temp agency and started temping to bring in enough cash so I didn’t have to use credit cards to live day to day.
Then I started taking advice on my situation. Obviously it didn’t look good. I wasn’t paying bills, was behind on mortgage payments and on top of it the land I had left to sell was going to sell at a loss so I would actually have expenses to cover that too.
Letters were pouring through the door and the phone barely stopped ringing with creditors calling. Legal action was continually being threatened.
I was advised that bankruptcy was likely to be my only option. I couldn’t bare the thought of that so kept on looking for another answer, without success.
By April I had no choice left but to tell my ex and our sons I was no longer able to fund their private education. As you can imagine this was a hard thing to have to do and very hard for our sons to take on board. My ex went nuts over it.
We had to find them a good new school and quickly. It was horrendous timing for my eldest son as he was coming up to exam year.
The school we wanted to get them into had a waiting list for both of them. Our eldest son was accepted straight away, but his younger brother was on a long waiting list. The curriculum is slightly different to the school they had been at, which meant our elder son having to effectively re-do work he had already done for a different curriculum on half the subjects he was taking. God bless him he knuckled down and got on with it without complaint.
By this time it was the start of the school year and our younger son still didn’t have a place at a school.
We thought as he was a sibling it’d be easier as in most schools, but it was a trauma from start to finish; particularly for our son. We were told we’d have to go to appeal.
By now the bank had issued a repossession order request and I had to go to court to request a stay of repossession agreeing to put the house up for sale immediately, as there was still a good amount of equity in it and I thought if I could sell it I could get things under control and rent somewhere for a while, whilst I either got a job or started something new. There were no takers. It was a good market to be selling in, the house was decorated and fitted to a high standard and was a great size family home. Even the agent couldn’t understand it.
By the beginning of October 2006 I knew there was nothing left to do. It was all over.
I went to court for the second time but was not granted a further stay. I was given 8 days notice to vacate. I had to now tell my sons that we would be losing our home as well. I went to the local authorities to see about getting a house from them. I was told that if my ex was willing to confirm in writing that our sons had to be with me half the time, then I would likely get something quickly.
Without telling me, a letter was written back stating that our sons did not have to stay with me half the time even though it was not what they wanted and that was that.
No accommodation. Now I went straight to the bottom of the pile.
I had to move in with my parents and subsequently my brother.
Within a few weeks my ex had decided that it was a mistake and wanted to write a letter to rescind the original letter. It was too late for that unfortunately.
On the October 15th 2006, I filed for bankruptcy and it was granted.
Our younger son was still not at school and was being home schooled, whilst an alternative was found. Just as he was accepted and started at another school, the school his brother attended changed their mind and offered him a place, which he accepted.
The repercussions of all this have spread well beyond my own life. Like a pebble dropped into the centre of a pond, not only is the calm of the centre disrupted but waves of disruption role out further than one imagines possible, until, like the ripples in the pond, it naturally reaches its outer edges.
I still don’t have my own home and I no matter what permanent work I’ve applied for, I’m still not in employment. I still temp as the work comes up and to make ends meet have been selling off my possessions on eBay.
I see my sons a couple of times a week and we talk every day.
Around the same time as going bankrupt I started working voluntarily with a local youth organisation that focuses on disenfranchised teenagers, offering mentoring, sport, music and above all somewhere they belong. It’s true what they say about if you want to forget about your own problems, help someone else with theirs.
In spite of it all I feel lucky and blessed that I am surrounded by a loving family, who have done and do what they can to help. I have great friends who have been there for me all along the way and continue to be.
I witness little pieces of synchronicity that help maintain hope, such as a car always turning up when I need one; sometimes from the most unlikely sources and I have met someone very wonderful, that I hope I will be able to build a life with given the right timing and circumstances.
These experiences have helped me to discover and truly like my most authentic self, the person I was always meant to be. I had never considered that counselling, coaching, musing, reflecting and co-creating are things in and of themselves, even though I get no bigger high than when I’ve spent time helping colleagues, friends, family and people I have not met before, see their way through to the other side of their challenges. Now I realise that I have enjoyed this more than anything for the greater part of my life, so I am now committed to it.
So there you have it; for the first time in my life I am asking for help. Help to get me back on my feet. Help to provide a home for my sons and I and reunite a family, but above all help to maintain my hope for a brighter today.
If you would like to help, with a donation, with a story of generosity or hope you have experienced, or both, then please got to http://gratesagere.chipin.com/grates-... and click on the ChipIn button and send me an email at (email removed)
I look forward to hearing from you.
Thank you.