Mini-Profile
what is the meaning of life if i don’t enjoy it? i asked god this question and he said “only through depression can one appreciate happiness” but how do i know that happiness will ever come again? it seems like the harder i try the harder i fall. i honestly don’t think i can stand being rejected again. my heart hurts and is too swelled up. i try to live in denial, but every once in a while the memories collectively bombard me and all i can do is visualize the knife. quite honestly the only thing holding me back is the thought of how sad my parents will be…but what if i just faked it? not in the typical sense, but instead, what if i just went to a bad neighborhood and somehow just found a way to get myself killed, like looking for a drug deal and purposely saying the wrong thing that would get me stabbed or shot. nobody would suspect it as a suicide, my body would just turn up, and it would look like a traggic homocide. the negativity of the drug deal would never surface either because the druge dealer wouldnt say anything. in fact, if i did it by a gas station, it would simply look like a tragedy of a perfect popular wealthy kind hearted teenager shamelessly murdered by a robber stealing his wallet. i could even have contraindicators to make it look even less like a suicide. i could have all sorts of plans to look forward to, classes that i’m involved in and projects that i’m working on. i’m popular with friends and i could start a relationship, just so it would look the least like a suicide as it could. and what’s awesome is that the only thing that’s holding me back is that i wouldnt be able to bear the thought of people grieving over me for being sad…and the sadness involved in a suicide. and that’s why my plan is brilliant. how could it be a suicide? somebody else killed him! nobody would ever think of saying the wrong thing on purpose. nobody would even know what to say. haha it’s brilliant. and now that you’ve read this…let’s say tomorrow you hear about the death of a teen in atlanta, what are you going to do? telling his friends and family about this post isnt going to bring him back, so are you gonna do it? are you gonna tell them just to make them feel miserable without saving anybody? it’s your call…but i’ve got to go now…i’ve got a tank of gas to fill up. diferent post