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User Involvement

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• I don’t know what I want from life.
  

  I think that maybe you should spend 1 day or evening a week doing something on a voluntary basis for the benefit of others. Sometimes by helping others less fortunate it helps you put your own life into perspective. Maybe it won’t help you but at least in the meantime you could be a practical help to others.
  - written 2 years, 1 month ago

• Hello.
  

  I am a mother of three children (22, 20 & 18) and I really feel for you, you sound like a very good, caring person and one that any parent would be proud of. I am sure that your father loves you in his own way but without knowing his background it is difficult to know why he behaves in such a way. Maybe when he was brought up his father dealt with him in the same way & he doesn’t know how else to behave. However, it seems to me that he is jealous of you all though & probably feels his power over you all diminishing as you grow up, which possibly scares him (but without him realising it).
  
  From a mother’s point of view I would say that you need to follow your dream, and take the course that you want to. Is there any way that you could do this course part time so that you could combine it with working (keeping a bit of your own financial independence)? I know that this would be very hard but it might be a way of getting the qualification you need to move on and achieve what you want to achieve. Have you quite the course because your father would evict you? Is there any way that you could manage (even on reduced financial circumstances) to live & take the course if he did throw you out?
  
  I think it is about time that you put yourself first, you cannot be responsible for your mother or your sisters, even though I understand why you feel that you should be. Your mother is an adult and responsible for herself (I don’t know the ages of your sisters). It could be that if you chose independence that they might draw strength as well to change things for themselves (I don’t mean that they will leave your father but may find some other way to challenge his behaviour - albeit in a gentle way).
  
  It seems to me that your father uses this residency issue to get his own way all the time. I don’t know the legal technicalities of your residency position so I think that the first thing you should do is find a lawyer or other knowledgeable person who could tell you what your residency limits/restrictions are. Once you know this you can then decide how to proceed.
  
  There is no point trying to get your father to appreciate you, it isn’t likely to happen. There is nothing to be gained from being confontational with your father either, by the sounds of it you wouldn’t get a straight answer from him anyway.
  
  You have your life ahead of you, don’t waste it, it is precious - do everything you can to achieve your dreams. It will not be a smoothe ride, don’t expect it to be, but from what you write you have a lot of talent and abilities so apply yourself and you will achieve what you want to.
  
  Please tell your mum & sisters how much you love them - you could tell your mum that you love your father too. But don’t let them lay the guilt trip on you, put yourself first, you won’t be helping them if you don’t.
  
  Good luck, I hope that you find a way ahead that suits you and I really hope that things improve for you.
  - written 2 years, 5 months ago

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