live.enjoylife's shout trail with ☆ - Help.com

Hi! :) I am alright. I get sad at times, but i have my friends schedule so they catch up before and after work. :)

Thank you for the anon reply hehe i read of course and i wondered why the kind anon left himself as such when it wAs a kind message:)

How is everything going for you?

hey girl - i hope you are feeling better. wanted you to know i responded to your post…but did it anon without knowing! sheesh!! anyway - i’m sending bright thoughts your way..:)

:) well sweetie i am happy for you. Everything is odd sometimes, but there is something magical in that oddness.

So take it away! :) hugs!

i guess. i was elated at first and then after i got off the phone was kinda spooked/irked…like i want this kind of weird trauma/out of the blue stuff in my life, you know? but….I think i’ll still try to work it out…am just a bit disturbed/not the coolest thing to have gone through….I wont hold a grudge…it just makes me think..re: trust/what i REAlly want in a partner…isn’t that odd? 24 hours ago i wouldve guaranteed you i’d be over the MOOn if this would have happened…hmmm anyway - maybe a lesson. Have you noticed how many posts (2 recent) where husbands turn out to be gay? and b/f? whats up with that? anyway … we’ll see…the good news is i’ve been forced to, Yaay, focus on me, my life, getting work and think in the end thats healthier anyway. …oh the drama! thx for your help. x

Wow, yes that is good news. :) So like now he feels better? :)

hey! had to give you the latest: he called, is sorry, wants to resume…which is good news….and, also….w i e r d eh? of course i’m happy and also - REAlly glad i started to get my life on track….and also WOnder how things resume after such b.s., ya know? either way its all good thx for helping me thru the rocks. weird huh?x

I would be happy to stay in a dream place, where money is reliable and such amazing people. :)

We all want that, don’t we?

But there are always changes my dear, i am also scared of those changes, i have fear of the unknown. I am sure that can be part of the decision making too.

Your heart knows what the answer is. Is it talking too softly now?Just use the head set to listen to what it got to say.

thank you lilies. i think youre right - i’d be happier/able to pick up the pieces easier here. and, also, i think that i’m wanting to honor my commitment to them - i’d have to tell them i’m not taking within a few days so they can find someone else…i guess too i can always take it and quit by december if i dont like it but if i’m already thinking that….the other piece is if i had a job lined up here i wonder if i’d have the same kind of pessimism just due to being down/freaked? its a huge shift/shock so everything seems so alien/a bit scary and …i wish i could get a good nights sleep. anyway - enough taking of your time..thanks lots…i’ll probably post in a bit. thx girl. i do want to know: what would you do? when you’d waited years to work in a certain place, the money is good, and the place (the job) the people,etc are really wonderful?

No problem, if in case you will post something, pls don’t forget to invite me or shout me about it so i can follow it up.

Now you know my side and lazy’s it is also good to hear opinions from others.

Take care. Keep us posted. :)

You are always welcome. I am glad you have come back to let us know how it has been with you.

Yes you are in the right, to think about it more. I can see why it is a difficult for you because the decision has to go with emotions.

And when emotions set in, sometimes we are really fragile with our decisions.

Hang on tight. You have always been strong and adaptive to your environment. If you can stay in the west then i think you would be happier especially now when you don’t need to be distant from others.

ps i may very well do a post later…i’ll think about it! tx sorry to take up so much of your time too…xx

ps i may very well do a post later…i’ll think about it! tx sorry to take up so much of your time too…xx

thankyou lilies. thats my problem…i always went There to ‘get away’ but this year stayed a long time..and foudn myself to be very isolated and lonely. may be different with work, but was thinking if i’m in the west i’ll have inet and chance to join groups/get into activities/get a life…i can see i’d only have work over there…on the other hand i’ve alwys wanted to work there and the place is amazing (where i got the job)…i need to be still and try to have it come to me…i wish i felt more stable/less freaked/fragile…thx for your help….

Yes i understand. And about the same way, you can always visit your Indo friends anytime you can. Just try to feel which place you can be more productive, sociable (oh getting in touch with people is very necessary. :)

Isolation can also be good but not too long. Except when you are stressed from the world and you want to be somewhere new. :)

Hugs Dear, i am sad you are not feeling so well. It must be deeper than what i am trying to imagine as to how you are feeling.

thank you. no i’m not materialistic either place (i live very simple thank God) but I am concerned that even though i have (indo) family there, their culture doesnt talk like mine…and i’m relatively emotionally isolated….whereas in the states i can find groups, friends, do the internet…on the other hand may be better to just focus on work and not my plight??? it is so hard lilies - i am happy in either place so i’m confused….

Browsed through the shouts. We were just talking months back about your husband, i wonder what happened?

Okay as to living between two countries, i am with lazy…. you can always tell where you think your hear belongs to. Write down all the advantage and disadvantages of each place. And then give it a week or two or as long as you can spare then you will decide.

Remember that it is what your happiness counts. I don’t see you as materialistic. Travel wise, you can always go back to LA if you want, or visit your old friends in New Mexico if you decide to stay in Indonesia—where your work is ready and where you have found your ‘family’.

:)

oh okay, seeing it now i will read then i will let you know what i can say. :)

no- i’d just rather ask you (and i asked lazydaze)…is it possible you click my name and read my shouts? i sent about three to lazy that sum it up…..hope you dont mind…i just want the advice of people i kinda know….thx waaah…

OMG, yes i remember you! :)

How is everything going? Want to make a post about it?

lilies its live. you there? i have HUGE problem….(fyi, how are you? hope yuou remember me/alls well….)

hi there! how’s bali?

you are always welcome and thank you for remembering my birthday, for sure i will let you know when i got anything going on. :o) you too sweets, have a great day. oh yes, pls do keep in touch :)

and please…know you can write me anytime…i hope i can return the favor some day.

aaawww!!! that is too sweet!
hey - thanks girl!! have a great day!
xx

thank you girl!! i hope alls well with You too!! i saw it was your birthday…happy birthday girl! i hope we can keep in touch when i get to bali….either way, you have been a dear friend/positive spirit…thank you for that….yeah, i need to not email…they made that clear…

no u don’t need forgiveness coz u have done nothing wrong to me today, infact you made me so happy. why? bec i see a different you today. strong and brilliant! so instead, i’ll give you some hugs. :)

yeah - and thank you thank you thank you.
that book ‘boundaries’ (which makes me laugh b/c self help books are so pathetic!!)…really helped last nite - said how being kept emotional hostage/bullied - bad for the spirit…wish them well/pray for them…move on….

you are what you are and you are beautiful. be the same person u are when u reply them emails. they can’t touch you now can they? let them be.

i was just figuring out what happened!! hehe! good detective work girl!!! ANYway - thanks for your help! right now - i’m blessed w/a wonderful peaceful lvoing family in bali…and wonderful guy and little girl - am focusing on that…perhaps over time if theyre interested we can all see a minister together in LA…outside that, forget it…theres no light in it…you know?? but how sad - b/c i feel bad for them , partic my mom b/c she really is dark/sad/constantly frustrated/angry/stormy….kinda mental…he’s lost too but shes the one w/mental health stuff…and now he’s on medications to be happy…augh…thank you i feel like such a whiner! didnt know i’d ramble on so…forgive me?

but u know what, what about taking some steps back and have them say what they want to say. you have given your piece and they know what u need and want, but they just do not listen or can’t accept what you have been saying. so ease out honey, be free. you would be hurt with all the negative thoughts they have. but the truth is, they are sad individuals. we see them as strong and always in panic, deep inside, they are disturbed.

okay dear, wondered how u are.now,i am reading the messages you shouted to your own shoutbox,:) that is so sad hearing that, no matter how we place it, she has a mind of her own and guess what, you have a life too. you are now an adult. but i believe you, it is not as easy as how others look at situations like this. we are old enough now, bu they are our parents and we would for sure get affected with what they say or do.

and i’d send repeated kind, peaceful emails stating we’re examining alternatives - this is a time of transition - and, to be honest, it IS ridiculous how long it took us to get our xxxx together - but God’s plan, not ours! AND also - it enabled me to see - they dont really care about ME, MY situation, or, rather, can’t see or hear me or about my situation - it is always about them - so with the increase intermittent hostile letters I finally, instead of ignoring the attacks, had to say i dont want to see you, cant really discuss the degree to which i open my life to you, but am happy and fine to email, hope all is well, etc….b/c it has become clear to me - if theyre still being aggressive on emails, will be the same in person, there is no peace/joy in that - NOT HEALTHY — and thats when i got the profane, hostile have a good life emails….

are u the youngest in the family? :)

and about 80 percent of my emails are responded to with aggressive/angry/frustrated emails about how I am not making time for THem, seeing THEm, keeping in good enough touch with them….C r a z y…b/c the places we looked - india, etc..and we were all over the place plus had his daughter to attend to - it really became clear how invisible I remain/how they can only see themselves….

so we’ve spent this year and a half doing that/looking for The Job that will enable him, with time, to again work ‘in civilization’ - thats the job we found!!! yaay God!!! it’ll only be acoupla years then he’ll have experience w/a company up top that DOes have roots in civilized locations (thank GOD!!)..SOOO….we’ve been emailing….

well - my ‘husband’ and i really have been kinda retarded in getting our lives together. for the last year and a half we’ve basically travelled and looked at different places - he kinda only can work in remote locations (hes a manager at a high level for mining sites)…so we’ve been ALl over - australia…india…(i’m continuing just wanna send this part…)

oh noooo….i’ve tried since i was young. and i put boundaries regarding being attacked in my teens and early 20s…she doesnt have the capacity to see any view but her own…if you mention an issue (ie being attacked for no reason) she uses it to explain how You make Her feel bad saying that….its fruitless…a neverending thing where you remain attacked/invisible no matter what…

so tell me, how do u deal with their ‘dark’ email messages?

some people are always angry when they’ve frustrations. your dad is a sad one too.

omg girl - so sorry for rambling!! hehe…jsut wanted to say - w e i r d to be disowned…but, i kinda knew this may happen…if they dont have things how they want it, they attack…and bully.

that one is indeed confusing. she has been like that eversince right? if only there is a clear communication between you and your mom then it would have been different. it’s like thought you’ve got different views on things, it would really be no problem. the problem emerges when communication is not found anywhere in the room.

omg - family is SOOO important to me too!! i am SO close to my bali family….but my US family - siblings not interested - and my parents…can only be around them if i let them demean me/dismiss my stuff…her darks always rule and much of the time they are delusional….not worth it….kinda sad i feel bad for her…him, he’s just angry mostly….

fRustrations??? hehe. she is NUTs. she has characterological disorder - the sad joke - she’s a SHRink!! but she cant look at Her stuff…she can talk the talk, but cant do it/cant ever see/take accountability…she really cant help herself. it is VERy sad. she is a VEry sick/dark/sad woman….mentally…and my dad enables all that so they are constantly offended, in offense, rallying around her created drama’s, misery….it is SO sad b/c she operates from the therapy model of ‘i want, i think i feel’ but she hasnt’ ‘gotten’ that our thoughts and feelings aren’t always right, and you gotta be nice to others/do the right thing…so they are always following/being governed by her ongoing dissatisfactions….i’ve tried a zillion times to help w/this but theyre not interested - everyone else is the problem, ALWays.

oh dear, it is common mistake for parents when they could not let their daughters be. you are a grown up now. is it not also bec of the cultural uniqueness u have? we are not americans so the family knit is very important to our mothers.

or, rather, i’ve set lots of boundaries - they are not used to not having access to attack….

just a simple question, does your mom have frustrations?

of COUrse i asked that and she just likes the ‘idea’ of a happy family/is always seeking to have what people have in the movies, with my siblings too, but when she does get in a situation with others, she remains angry and frustrated b/c it is Not like the movies b/c she remains unhappy inside - and takes it out on everyone…she has characterilogical disorder - she cannot see anyone but herself…..and she doesnt do the math between her behavior and not having peaceful/joyful/loving connections she wants….that plus she seeks to destroy/or is very jealous of the ones that i do have/that others’ have…its kinda sad….i’m mostly sad b/c the fantasy was to be able to just email and be friendly that way but they, naturally, got very aggressive and my husband said the first letter was vile and profane - they are not used to having boundaries set.

i believe this: they are used to treating me how they please, bullying, aggressive if they dont get what they want, and kinda not so interested in me, but really interested in things in my life…ie, my guy my friends, etc. and once they have access to these things they just focus on them and continue to be kind of dismissive and aggressive with me…its VEry strange…i made my mom tell me why shes always mean to me once and she said she never wanted me, i ruined her plans and her life, but she ‘loves’ me….that must be why…that and, sorry, but i think she has all kinds of demons/isn’t peaceful OR joyful and the two of them are used to just having her be that way, and everyone else just lets her bully/dump all her dark on them and just take it….i just cant take it anymore b/c i have a good man and a little girl to protect…

have u ever asked why they are so interested with the daughter? what they say? that is a big question. lol

the other thing is my husband doesnt want his daughter to EVer meet them - rightfully so - they’re so bizarre/strife making….